Does my husband need to know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Does my husband need to know?
4
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 9:56am

Hello all,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 10:59am

Dear Acting,

All I can say is to let your conscience be your guide. You know your H better than anyone on here would. We usually frown upon telling the spouse unless you fear someone else will. It's usually more to assuage your own guilt and could quite possibly shatter him and your M. I would also suggest that you seek professional counseling for advice on this. Some will say to tell, while others say it isn't necessary if you are done with it and want to get your M back on tract. Having a therapist would also give you a RL person to unload on, who can help you see the error of your ways without judgment.

I would also like to take this opportunity to welcome you to the board. If you haven't already, scroll down the main page to the Healing Library and read the thread on D-days. It may help you to decide what would be best for your situation. Also read all the other powerful threads that help with healing, obsessing, and offering insights from those who have come before you.

((Hugs))

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2009
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 11:44am

As if:


First I want to thank you for your earlier reply to one of my posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 1:24pm

Hi AAI,


As CL-Iddy pointed out you will get a variety of answers on this. I believe it is a personal choice. Here is a link to a thread that discusses it in detail. I also bumped up the thread it is under Married OW or OM Issues which is the third category on the main EAS page. The thread is called “Possible to Recover Without a Dday?” Lots of input on that thread for the question you posed.


http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlending&msg=27271.1&ctx=1024


Hope it helps. Welcome to the board!


Much love and big hugs as you make the decision that is right for your M,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you cant you are probably right.


A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.


Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Sat, 12-12-2009 - 2:08pm

Hi AAI,


I left a few things out of my other reply that I wanted to add.


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Some xAPs are good, some are bad and some are even ugly. It does not matter who they are or what they were. What matters is why "WE" went down the A road. It's about you wanting to end it and make changes in your life so you don't go down that road again.


<>


As long as you have contact with xAP, as innocent as you think the contacts are you are still holding on if you are texting him. In order for your M to have a chance and for you to completely heal, you must sever all contact with xAP.


I know that is not what you want to hear/read but it really is the only way to completely end it and move on.


Big hugs,


E1


Whether you think you can or you think you cant you are probably right.


A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.


Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.