does your mind play tricks on you to?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
does your mind play tricks on you to?
9
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 3:44pm

E1 is making me think today LOL. In a good way. I am having trouble facing the reality. I still live in fantasy. I still have him in my mind as the "perfect" man. I am scared that I will never feel like that with anyone else..I know in a logical sense that I am only thinking like this because I feel next to nothing self worth? Is that right?? I am so confused. Thank goodness for one thing and at least I made one right out of this whole big of a wrong. I went NC and cut him off. Just like that. Although I am still feeling the pain and I really cant stop the tears from coming I know that this has to happen. Really what difference does it make. I was crying just as much if not more when I had him around.

So how do you deal with the fantasy part? I know it is not true but I need to believe it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2009
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 4:06pm

LLL


I still have him in my mind as the "perfect" man. I am scared that I will never feel like that with anyone else..


This sounds like me.

BE the change that you want to see in the world! Life loves me and I love life! <3
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2008
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 4:30pm

Hi Live


Dealing with the fantasy part is the hard part! Our minds do play tricks on us especially during an A! In order to take part in the A we have to put all the real ness aside.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 5:59pm

Live,

yep this stuff hurts. It just does. But the pain does lessen. N yea, that E-1, she sure knows how to lay it out. She has such an amazing gift of putting things in perspective. She will have you thinking. I can not tell you how much I admire her n how much I miss her when she is not posting a whole lot. She is beyond amazing and you should read as many posts as you can by her. I have not read one that does not resonate, nor have I read one that was well worth the time spend absorbing her. She truly is the wisest women I have ever read from. Her n Iddy make this board the safest n best place for us Enders.

I Bern here since Dec, 6 months NC, so I remember thinking of the loss and sheer agony of ending my A. N it was an ugly n nasty ending. Yuck. Nasty.
But like you, the what if's all ran thru my head. I kept thinking of the utter loss, great sex, amazing chemistry, laughs...all of that stuff. I kept thinking OMG, I will never feel that again.

Also, I would be a semi wealthy women if I had a quarter for everytime I have read that in posts, including mine at ur stage out of the A. Everyone believes AP are our soul mates, meant for one another, only they can provide those feelings. So not true. This I know first hand.

U have been brave and done the right thing by going to NC. That was your best start. That in itself is HUgE!! Big. You should be proud of that. Now the storm is raging in your head. It will calm itself. Time. It will heal you. But you have to go thru this. There isno short cut. No easy way out. Buckle down n hang it here. We will help you thru the worst of times. My best to you.

Luvin

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2010
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 11:10pm

I could have seriously written the first part of this

~~Serenity~~


Better than a thousand hollow words is one word that brings peace. ---Buddha

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2008
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 1:04am

Ok LxLxLx,


I need to let you know that Luvin is on to my great party planning skills and is looking for me to plan her B-day party so she is really pumping my ego here. It’s all good Luvin. I got you GF. Your B-day party in Vegas. We will wear our “I like being an Ender” T-Shirts.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 10:11am

Hi LXLXLX :)


That fantasy is so hard to debunk isn't it? We've believed in it for so long, and now that the harsh lights of reality have been thrown on, that dang fantasy still finds a way to sneak back in. I am not free and clear from the fantasy yet, but what I can say is that it does start to fade. As you read and post here more, you will start to gain a new understanding of yourself, your xap and the A. Just let time work it's magic. As long as you stay NC, that fog will lift and the fantasy will evaporate in the warm sun of reality.


Hugs,


Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 12:46am

Oh yes it is the fantasy that I am having a hard time letting go. I close my eyes and that is all that I daydream about.

I keep reading your reply to me E1 and I still dont have the answers to your questions. I am thinking in overdrive. Great questions!!! I do know that one thing for sure he was not a conquest I dont think. Oh boy I need to do some soul searching.

He just portrayed to be this sensitive, kind, charming, oh so good looking, hard worker, great father..horrible husband LOL. Well he pulled the pity card on me. So I was in his corner mind you it made me upset when he would say horrible things about her. SHe is the mother of your children I would tell her. BUT who am I to say anything. Look at what Im doing to her and her family. I hated that I had to comprise my morals. I think that I didnt want to see him for who he was because I would have to see me for who I was/ am!!! So confusing. So i suppose that is why I refused to see him for who he is than I have to see me for who I am or was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 1:49am

LLL,
Turn on the metaphorical light and watch the APs scurry. Like roaches.
Only you can flip that switch, though, LLL - and then you'll see AP for reals, in all his 6 legged glory.

I wish you the strength to do that.
xo
Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2010
Mon, 05-17-2010 - 6:55am

Thank you so much Dee! :)