Doing better

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Doing better
4
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 5:59pm

Well its been a roller coaster since last wednesday.


VERY Digest version - he said he knew I was the best for him but had to let me go to be with his kids because W would have never let it work and that was a battle he knew he could not win right now.


Also - he began dating someone for a month ? because they were lonely, had so much in common, but it was all about her and she was playing mind games and messing with his heart so he ended it. Not sure if he is still trying to work it out with her or not....


So its been rough. And it got better. After him telling me we could not be together, it gave me some closure and pushed me to acceptance.


I have been able to distance myself and not feel so hurt that it didn't work out. I am still working on gettting to the complete conviction that we are definately not meant for each other...baby steps.....


But a couple things that are helping me...


I forgive him. For anything that was not true, for any hurt that was caused, for not loving me the way I wanted him to. For remmebring that he is human.


I forgive myself. For giving my heart and love to someone that couldn't give me what I needed. For making mistakes. For hurting others. For remembering that I am human.


This is the hardest thing to do, but for me - truly learning, growth, and breaking free involves acceptance and forgiveness.


So I sit here and remember that it is okay, and that I am okay, and that tomorrow will still come....


and with it, another chance to grow and learn and be stronger.

"It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
"It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 6:13pm

Thanks for your post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 6:53pm
what is it you can't frgive yourself for?
"It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
"It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2010
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 7:36pm

I am feeling a little sad right now. Sad that I had a part in seperating two people. Even if it would have happened without me I put myself there. and I am sorry for that because its not the right thing to do.


I saw a new picture of her today and she is looking so beautiful. I am sad she has to heal from this and find a new path, but I hope that her new path leads her to the happiness she deserves. I wish I could tell her that I am sorry for hurting her. I wish I could tell her that I would have been her friend in different circumstances. but I fear all I would get from her is anger and that would not be good for me.


But to you W - I am sorry for the pain you are going through. I am sorry I was the one who became that catalyst.

"It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
"It will all be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 8:59pm

Hi CM,


That's good.