Doing really well

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Doing really well
1
Sat, 04-16-2005 - 8:54pm
I'm doing really well. Part of that is-- I've actually "gotten over him" so many times in four years that it feels easy. I learned to live as though he didn't exist several times in the past four years. I'm doing it so well now that even in the car, when i hear certain songs, I'm not affected AT ALL..Truth is, he messed with my head and heart SO much that I feel nothing but well.. nothing- where he is concerned. Not even sad anymore..not even numb or thinking of the good memories..Mostly I just feel I made a big mistake..(Four years of an on and off mistake) and never want to make it again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Sun, 04-17-2005 - 1:22am

What a terrific attitude! You sound so good. Especially in light of the fact that this is after FOUR years of involvement with your MM. I am REALLY impressed. (I'm a mess here after just nine months. How pathetic...) You ARE an inspiration to all of us! Shows that so much of recovery depends on attitude and the things we tell ourselves about the A.

Thinking about the A with my OM, I don't know though if I can ever reach the same mental place that you have. I never felt that OM messed with my head as such. (In reality, he DID as I'm sure I did to him as well, because that's the nature of the affair beast. Can't call something HONEST that is inherently DISHONEST.) Still, he never treated me in a way that angered or frustrated me the way you described your MM. OM and I have had a good relationship (all things considered) and I don't think I could ever feel angry toward him about it. I could probably get over him more quickly if I COULD get mad at him.

Not sure then if I will EVER get to the point where certain places and memories will stop haunting me. I guess I'm sounding a little melodramatic but I can't bear to ride past our favorite meeting place. It's like a knife. Nor can I foresee a time where I'll ever be able to listen again to the CDs he gave me of his favorite groups. What was such joyful music to me is now so painful, it's beyond endurance. Not that I'll ever get rid of them, (can't do that) but I'll never be able to listen to them either. I only hope that someday the sting of the memories will leave, and I'll be left with the warmth and comfort of them.

I guess I sound like a moody teenager moping over her first broken heart. I'm way past teen years for sure. What I've learned though is that hurt is hurt, no matter what age or what circumstances have led up to it. I will get through it.

I so hope that someday I too can get a bit of your attitude and spirit. So, keep posting -- maybe it will become contagious! We can all use some of it for sure. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts...

Michele




Edited 4/17/2005 1:25 am ET ET by memory_remembered