Don't beat me up too bad :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Don't beat me up too bad :(
18
Mon, 04-11-2011 - 4:16pm

First of all, hi! It's been a few weeks since I've shown my face around here, for two reasons--first, I've taken some time off and went on a little vacation with my H (with mixed but ultimately positive results), and second, I've had an unfortunate relapse with xMM. So I'm back to square one and feeling a little (a lot) defeated, but more determined than I've ever felt to stick to NC this time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 1:30am
The last year if my A was like this. Well actually most of it was but the last was the worst!! We had all kinds of crazy excuses as to why he couldnt treat me well. Sick child, wife cancer scare, bad boob job recovery, crappy anniversary, mom died, sister's had to stay with them briefly ( can't remember why) bad economy/losing his biz and in the last year many, many crazy fights with his W. IC, MC and the list goes on. I never knew what to do I was his "special best friend"!!! . I never said jack about my RL because a) i dont have THAT much drama and b) if I did he would have been gone gone gone. With his constant bs our PA was getting less and less P and our EA was all about him! I was his "best friend" ie Janitor and he "loved me". What i realized is that he could compartmentalize me from her of course, but never her from me. At this point I have no idea what the real deal is and while sometimes I think the curiosity is going to kill me I know it's best not to know. Ugh! Life is much easier now without waiting constantly for the final straw, the other shoe or one of our mental breakdowns!!

Anyway... Not about me... but you did remind me of my $hit last year and want you to see your situation is not unique. Let him go!!!

Chechi
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 9:10am

This is incredibly disgusting. I have a sister who REALLY has cancer. Who is really fighting for her life and really needs as much love and support from everyone!

This stuff just boils my blood.

Silverdoe,

He is lying. Lying and Lying. And why would you have bought into this at all? At all?

Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 9:10am
Message below for you....accidently responded to LOLLY.....please read. Thank you.
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 11:18am

To answer everyone, he is not blocked because there is 100% NO POSSIBLE WAY for me to block him at work. He sits across from me. He emails and IMs me all day, and I can't block a coworker on email/IM. Also there are very, very, VERY few jobs in my field where I live (and my husband doesn't want to move), so it's been nearly impossible to find another job (I've been looking). So until I can figure out a way out of here, I am TRAPPED with him. It is horrible.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 12:19pm
Silverdoe,

I don't have much to add that hasn't already been said - but - you end this affair by ENDING THIS AFFAIR.

I don't care what excuses you have for feeling TRAPPED with him - YOU ARE NOT trapped with him, you are trapped within yourself.

I can only imagine the crap you would both get in from your employer if they were to find out that so much their workers time was going into sending & receiving email/IMs that were not work related.

It is a horrible situation. I feel for you - I do. I worked with xMM after I ended my affair and it was AWFUL.

You can choose to focus on all the reasons that ending your affair will be challenging, or you can focus on taking actions that make it POSSIBLE.

Ending an affair is a MINDSET - one that doesn't require the other person to "get it" - just ourselves.

I believe when one is committed to ending their affair, they end it.

End of (affair) story.

I wish you well,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 1:26pm

Well, you're going to have to buck up then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2011
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 4:48pm
I'm curious as to why you can't block him on IM? Do you work directly with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2011
Tue, 04-12-2011 - 5:34pm
Hey

MyXap is my direct manager so I cannot block his emails and whilst he is not fishing he does ask how o am. My LC is answer the work stuff only. You can do this - ignore and delete ALL non-work interaction if u cannot block him. Avoid looking at him and do not engage in any personal chat.

He is manipulating you and you need to send a clear signal by your actions and stick to it. I know it is hard at work but what else is there? You can do this.

yellowone x

"Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves." ~Henry David Thoreau~

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