Don't know what do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Don't know what do!
12
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 12:02am
I haven't posted in a long time. I've been in an affair for a year now on and off. Tried breaking it off far too many times and was unable everytime. MM at the beginning was everything i wanted in a man. I'm also M and have a great H who adores me, but i got into the A for the excitement. As time passed by i started to get to know MM for who he really is and now i dislike everything about him and he is everything that i do not like. He never did anything special for me, did not even buy a b'day present for me even though i did for him. Everything was always on his terms since his wife always calls him since they have young children. Well his excuse was always that he has young kids. He promised that for the summer they were going away and he would be free and things would change since i always told him i couldn't do it anymore. So anyways the family did go away and now things did not change we still only see eachother for an hour here and there and he says he is always busy with meetings and things. So this time i felt different and couldn't take it anymore so i told him that it seems like it was not the wife and i am sick of doing everything his way and i was shocked by his response. The only thing he said was that I'm sorry that you feel this way.

What is wrong with me. Why did i put up with so much? I know this time is over and i want to be strong and not give in anymore. when we are together he tells me that being M for 14 years he had never even got close to anyone like me and that i was special and that i just don't see how he goes out of his way to see me. I want to believe his words sometimes just for my own peace of mind but then they are probably all lies cuz how can he hurt me so much.

Do you think i should talk to him again and end it or just ignore his calls. Is there anyway to block someone on your cell phone, and i want him to know that i'm blocking him. I've never felt this way before, it's almost as though i hate everything about him but i still can't stop thinking about him. Does that make sense to anyone?

Please help

Thanks

Twilight

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 12:25am
HI Twilight

Everything your feeling is normal if anything about theses messes can be called normal.

I sounds like the pain level is getting close to the point were it is out weighting the payoff your getting from being involved with this cheating marred mouse, when that happens it pretty much spells the end of the affair, the exit will not be easy or pain free SORRY about that but there is a price to be payed if you want out.

There is only on proven cure for the obsessing and that it TOTAL NO CONTACT, and you have to be prepared to do what ever it takes to enforce that no contact because XMM WILL NOT RESPECT IT OR YOUR WISHES.

It is the strong emotions that have you hooked, the emotional highs and like any addiction it will have to be broken not fun but you can do it.

As to the phone I believe if you talk to your phone company you will find there is a way of blocking phone numbers.

Block every possible access of communications with XMM e-mail IM phone , personal contact , then post here any time you have the urge to contact him, read lots of othere womens post and learn that you are not alone in this struggle for freedom.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 10:25am
Twilight,

I know how you are feeling. I'm there along with you. I know it is going to hurt, but you know what is going to make you happiest in the long run and it doesn't sound like MM is going to be that for you. I also understand how it is possible to dislike everything about him but not be able to NOT want him. I'm learning that NC is the absolute best way to go. If you have told him not to call and he is still calling, go ahead and block him!! Let him know that you are done and eventually he'll get it!! Hang in there, it is so hard but you can do it!!

Karry

Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:28pm
I was busy at work today so did not think of MM as much but as i was driving home, i just started crying and i usually don't cry. I feel this is not me and I dislike him even more for what he has done to me or maybe i have done to myself. I guess i shouldnot blame him for it, it was my decision and i should have known better. I just feel like i gave him everything, all my love and did not get anything in return, which just makes the pain inside so much harder to tolerate.

But i know this time i'm through and i got to know him for who he was. I learned to appreciate my H so much more.

I just wish he at least loved me, he never told me and i'll never know but i would just feel better about myself. I don't know how i lost control and let everything go on his way.

I know i'll never forget him. The only thing i'm happy about is that i will be moving to a different city thousands of miles away in the next 6-7 months, i was here temporarily for a few years and always knew i wasn't going to stay. Now i wish it was time to go cuz a new city and back to my family and friends will hopefully help me forget him easier.

Thanks for listening, i'm just feeling very down and hurt right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 8:35pm
Hi twilight,

I absolutely understand what you're going through. Ive been there too. And it took me awhile to recover and impose NC. You have to accept that it will really hurt on your part.

Having an A is very addictive. It can make you a different person and can even bring you down. And it's not a good thing. So, while you can get out of A and start over. Forgive yourself and forget him. Even if you wait for him, he will never give you what you want coz HE REALLY CANT. It s--ks isnt it. But that's the way it's going to be. Trust me!

I suggest you enforce NC and move on. You have a choice and choose to make your life better without him. Believe me, you'll feel a lot lot better. And things will surely improve.

This board has helped me a lot to become stronger and better. So, come back here every once in a while. Try to learn from each of us. And you'll soon find yourself healing.

Good luck to you!

Sweetie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 07-30-2004 - 9:11pm
Well said Sweetiee, right on the money, you seem to be growing from this life experience.

Twilight you hang in there you can do this, life will be so much better, think of it as Short term pain for Long term gain, the long term being the rest of your life.

Were you can see the positives, such as the fact you now can see your husband for the BETTER man that he was all along, focus on you and yours , invest your emotions in your relationship with your husband and family, that is were you will find real joy.

YOU ARE STRONG

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 1:13am
This board is the best thing. I'm so happy to have found it. I can't begin to thank everyone for responding to my post.

Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 1:37am
Your Welcome twilight, stay strong Girl

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-31-2004 - 10:58am
i twilight..welcome to my world lol. i feel similar to you in a lot of ways/regarding situations. Can i email you thru this site?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 12:35am
lealavender, go ahead e-mail me. I would really like it.

Tell me your story too, i think i must have read it but i'm not sure or can't remember anything these days. My mind is too preocupied by useless thoughts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 3:57pm
I just wanted to add that I never used to think NO Contact was a good thing-- for awhile i thought i'd always remain friends with my MM..after all- we had a history going back 20 years ago. But this month when I became ready to end it all-- i realized that "staying friends" didn't help me. He didn't know how to be a friend first off--and waiting for an email from him as a friend, was no different. I would check and look, and then feel perturbed if he didn't write much or for a few days. So to make it easy I said NO CONTACT...and blocked him from emailing me. That is the only way I could handle this and be in my right mind about it. I knew intellectually it needed ending--for a variety of reasons--and knew if i didn't do it without contact, i'd be stuck in the same rut..and he could still call all the shots.. Being done with him, i am now feeling extremely empowered and happy in my life!!

Pages