don't know where i belong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
don't know where i belong?
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 2:53am
Hi guys. Havent posted in awhile, dont know if u will even remember previous posts. short recap. had or i guess rather now having affair with M man. We stopped it due to all the right reasons, guilt, getting too emotionally involved so on and so on. We were best friends and tried n/c for awhile. We work in the same field he is law enforcement and i am a dispatcher so there is a very close bond. After things cooled off for awhile, we started talking again, thinking that it could stay platonic. that lasted oh about 30 seconds. The problem now is Im worse off than I was before, because now im in a situation that i know he isnt going anywhere, and im here to fulfill his sexual needs. This is like an addiction, i am a good honest caringperson that knows the difference between right and wrong, but when im with him it all goes out the window. I cant tell him no..He has all the control in this situation. I have recently started seeing a therapist, i would love to have a magic cure, i want him out of my life, but scared to tell him that because im afraid he will go. My Therapist says when the pain becomes to unbearable thats when i will stick to my guns. I hope i havent disappointed anyone here, i know i have disappointed myself. I dont want to go to the Affair support board, because they make it sound like this is great situation to be in and i dont believe that. Maybe one of these day i will find the strenght and the self esteem to end it for good. I am so sad.. and lonely w/out him..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 8:50am

I think you belong here just like the rest of us!! It is hard to stay away from MM/OM. Ecspecially when your emotions are up and down!! Please hang in there!! I am going through the same things you are!!

Take Care,


Karry - - who is learning to embrace life on her own raising her miracle, Carley Paige

Avatar for casey055
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-01-2003 - 12:00pm
You are in the right place. There are several people here who fall into an addictive situation. I did!! You seem to get in deeper and deeper. I totally relate to what you are going through and I am sure several others will too. There is nothing easy about it. You feel that you will never be able to pull yourself out of it but you will!! Some people can do NC. It is not as easy for others and that includes myself. I think each person has to go through their own healing in an affair. Each person is different. It was a slow process for me but I am on the right road to recovery now. I feel your pain and everything you are going through. My whole point is that it will eventually go away. You have to figure out what works best for you. Read, read read is my suggestion. There are alot of self healing books out there. I recommend that. I like the positive approach myself. I have met a few close friends through this board and that has also helped me tremendously. It helps to have someone to talk to that has gone through what ou have gone through. Good luck to you. You will eventually be rid of this hurt...that is a guarantee.