double standards...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
double standards...
12
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 12:28pm
I am so angry with my XOM I could hit him. Do some damage physically. Why is that these men have double standards on how they should be treated ie, like a king and how they treat you ie, piece of nobody waiting on the wings to fix all their problems in life??

OM get jealous if somebody who I don't even know from adam flirts with me. I didn't ask for it, so what I got a little attention. Why should it all be my fault?? I don't understand that logic. Worse thing is that these "flirting friends" are his friends not mine! ha!

He can call me fat bitch but I can't return the favor. Why not? Why should I be the one always to swallow my pride and forget his insults? why? why? Why should I be the one to say sorry all the time. Why can't he do the same for me if he wants me to do it?? Hmmmm, double standards if you ask me.

Is it just me who is so tired of with putting up with this or anybody else have the same problem with their OM's as well??

All I can say to people like OM is be prepared to be treated the way you treat others.

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Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 12:37pm
Its really sad when someone who supposed loves us treats us so badly. I think you have to set the boundaries of acceptable behaviour and stand strong on it. Otherwise you lose your self respect for allowing someone to treat you like this. Its not worth it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 12:39pm
I'm sorry, I can't remember your situation, but I think this guy does not deserve your time! Make sure he is an "X"OM!! You should never put up with being treated like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 3:57pm
Yes, that is what I am trying to do right now. Setting up boundaries so that I don't get hurt anymore. I had to do it for self-preservation. I cannot deal with being put down or insulted anymore. An affair is not excatly one of the best R's in the world but making it too limiting is not my idea of an affair either. I have let him know that this A is definitely on hold if not ending. Things definitely have to change before we ever get any furhter. Thanks for you post, it was definitely affirming.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 3:58pm
I agree. Thanks for your post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Fri, 05-14-2004 - 7:50pm
Hi gurl,

I have been missing your upbeat attitude! You need alttle "poof" of magic in your life! I am throwing some your way!!! And I have a jealous lover myself. I think men get very intimidated by other mens actions toward us. If he is insecure in knowing wether you are going to hold on to just him or not than he is trying to make you feel insecure about yourself so that you won't have the esteem to wonder away! He does not realise the damage he is actually doing to you. I know you are a strong woman and you won't take this crap from him. He must love you very much. He does not have the right coping skills to keep you though. Is this your first big fight? Any relationship is hard work. Man I am finding that out too. I hope you can just tell him the way you feel about his rude nonsense. Don't give in too loss of self esteem. Be strong and you will iron out all the wrinkles and get exactly what you want and need. I am here for you to vent at !
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 6:51am
trouble

the fact is that i trust him completely to be faithful to me. i know he is online all the time, he could be doing anything really.. i don't pcanywhere to his box to check his online visits, you know. but still i trust him not to betray me by two timing with somebody else. i have gone further and told him to date when i was married and not sure we would be together.

i have never given him any reason not to trust me. i know he is the jealous type, so i try to stay away from flirting with his friends even if they do it. and its not my fault if they do, i can't control their actions and words. i have told him and he knows that i am nothing like the girl friends he might have had in the past that two timed on men. i think he is very insecure about himself right so that plays a part. but you know what, i have tried to tell him all these years that i love him and will never betray him - that message doesn't seem to get thru, ever. I am sick of dealing with a insecure person that he is - he brings me down too. its sad that ppl can never get past previous situations like betrayal in the past and they bring that baggage on for the next R. Insecurity is really a big baggage for us.

i don't know if he loves me all that much, because you don't hurt ppl when you are in love with. you try to be supportive and understanding. love is not blinding, it is helpful... i don't know where we are heading, but i am not not feeling too good about this R. thanks for your thoughts anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 05-15-2004 - 11:05am
OMG Julia, what are you doing with this LOSER???

Iknowitstime

(and so do you)

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 9:40am
If being called a fat bitch doesn't give you reason enough to walk away from this fool, then you need to take a very serious look at yourself and your self esteem because you are the one with bigger problems than him.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 4:51pm

Julia, I don't know if you're still reading responses to your post, but I found a website and wanted to share some of it with you.

Iknowitstime

(and so do you)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 5:07pm
I know its useless to0. I agree, I have to let go of this loser. Its doing me no good. Thanks for your post. I know who you are and thank you for post.


Edited 5/17/2004 10:02 am ET ET by julietsfate

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