Doubts...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Doubts...
6
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 7:30pm

I knew this would be hard and I know its only been 10 days, but today has been the worst. I have been sad all day. I keep replaying conversations we had. I am questioning why I ended it in the first place. Logically I know why I did. All logic has seemed to have gone out the window at this point. I am finding it hard to remember the bad times, only thinking about the good feelings. Did anyone else have this problem?

I know this is for the best. I just need someone to kick me and tell me that I'm being stupid and selfish. I won't contact him. I won't do that to him or myself. But I can't stop thinking about him and wondering if he is thinking about me too.

Its just been a rough day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:39pm

hugs to you and time to quiet down that crappy crappy voice in your head playing games with you. I just read the 'things I regret' and 'things I don't regret' threads, and I was jolted very quickly outta any doubts I may have been having about ending my A. In fact I am very nearly overwhelmed with the flooding of self-hatred and shame I feel and the awareness that one day, someone I thought I loved, and who thought they loved me, is going to see me as the pathetic person I was. The absolutely horrific knowing that I stole from everyone who ever loved and trusted me, most importantly myself. I may have doubts about a lot of things, and so do you, but don't doubt for a moment that you are alone in your feelings and that the A needed to end.

jodi

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 10:58pm

Big Hug.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2009
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 11:05pm

Completely,


Don't lose faith. It's hard right now and I won't sugarcoat it, it's going to be hard for a while but stay strong. Have faith in yourself, believe that what you are doing is the best thing for you even if it doesn't feel that way right now. You'll have better days and you'll have worse days but know that you will come out of this a better and stronger woman for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 11:10pm

Thank you Jodi. I needed to hear that I wasn't alone. You are so right. My head is playing games with me. I know I did the right thing. I just have to keep telling myself that.

I can relate to the pathetic feeling. In the end I was practically begging him to pay attention to me. I probably sounded like a crazy person. Yes, I definitely did sound like a crazy person. We live and learn, right?

Thanks again Jodi. You made me feel a little better knowing that someone else had these doubts too.

Big hugs to you :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 11:18pm

Thank you brave and MissB. I guess I was tying my response to Jodi while you guys were posting.

It is so comforting to know that someone has your back. Even if you don't really know the person. It is just nice to have someone on your side and to understand what you are going through. I thought I had this under control. I thought I could do this and be over him in a week, but the truth it I can't. Its going to take a long time. I felt like I was in a good place a few days ago and now I have taken 3 steps back.

Brave maybe we can help each other out since we are at the same place. :)

Thank you guys so much. Big hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 11:36pm
I cannot help but LOL.