down and out

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2005
down and out
3
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 11:14am
hi, i post from time to time, at this point i am not doing to well, only had one hour of sleep last night. here is a little of my story. had been with mm for over a year, in this time he has treated me bad, never pays for anything, because he never has any money. he has been seperated from his wife on and off. well this last time he has been seperated for 2 months, we were seeing each other, at one point he wanted to make it work, then 2 days later he says that he wants to go back to his wife, because he misses his kids, he says that he needs some time off, to decided what he wants to do, so i say lets just break up then, he says he dosen't want to do that, that means forever, i said well you don't want to be with me, but then you just except me to wait around, to decided what you want to do, i already no the answer, you will chose your family!! so i thought we had broken up, and he calls 2 days later wnats me to come over, i did like a fool, ran back to him, he had me so confused, i asked him when he was going back to his wife, he said soon, well a ccouple of weeks goes bye, and we are seeing each other, it seems whenever i go over all he seems to want is sex, he dosen't hardly tell me he loves me anymore, but if i don't call him, he says, i thought you loved me, well i guess you don't. so like a fool i call and run back to him. so he calls me this last monday, and we are talking and he says that his ex wife caled him, it had been over a year, and his kids wanted to talk to him, he has 3 kids by a first marriage, and i said does she want you back, and he said yes, i said do you want to go back to her, he said i would like to because of my kids, but no i am with my second wife. i siad hello you didn't even metion me, you are suppose to love me, and you say these things, well he said why are you jealous, i said i am not jealous you don't get it!!! i told him that it was over i could no longer see him no more, he said the wrong thing to me, that i was just a piece of ass to him!! well he calls back, and i just hng up on him, then he calls back again, and he says i am sorry i do love you you just took it the wrong way, so like afool i took him back, because of my feelings for him, so we saw each other on wed. thrus. and then he told me he is going to get his family on sun. do i want to do something on sat. well i arranged to be alone with him on sat. so i can spend the night, yes i forgot to mention i am married. he has stood me up two times before and never called until 3 weeks later with excuse, well i can't get away from my wife etc. so when i called him on sat. i said are we still getting together he said he had to go to work, i new this was a lie he dosen't work on sats. he said he would be home by 5:oo he would call, well it became 8:00, and i called and was mad and told him at least he could have had the decidiency to let me no something, well i have not heard from him, i cried all last night only i hour of sleep, i feel so low, like yesterdays trash, my self esteem is shot, i thought this man trully loved me!! why did he let me believe we were going to get together, was he trying to end it with me, so whya didn't he just say something, for someone to just do what he did, is awful!! i feel so bad
i can't stop crying, was he just using me for sex until his wife got home? please i don't no what to do., dod you think he will try to contact me again?
thanks candy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 2:22pm

Oh candy I'm so sorry you are feeling so sad. Athough my situation is very different from yours, dealing with the pain is the same. I have no words of advice for you but wanted to let you know that you are not the only one struggling today.

No one but he knows what is going on in his mind. To wait for him to contact you will only prolong your pain. Can you find the strength to contact him and end it for your own well being? You deserve to be happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 10:25pm

There was one line in your post that caught my eye...

<<<>>>

So are you getting a divorce? Were you planning on ending your marriage?

If not maybe you need to be paying a lot more attention to why you are involved with this man in the first place. The time and energy you are wasting on this guy is time and energy you should be spending on your own M and family. I know that it gets so hard but in the middle of an A we lose all our perspective and we make the small things into large things and take the large things and ignore them. This guy is so small he is microscopic.

The truth is this guy has two other women in his life. He is chosing someone else not you. Sounds like a lucky break. Run for it while you can! You deserve so much more then this and it sounds like he has a history of using women. You will hear this a lot on this board but NO CONTACT with him is the best way to let your mind clear and get some perspective on the situation. Hang in there,<<>>...kc

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 1:10am

hi candy,

i know the pain is too much, its ok to cry, now is the time to let go, u have to make your stand, how long do u want to feel the pain ????

this man does not love u and u dont love him, its a fantasy u are playing in your mind, i know i sound harsh or hurtful but in time u will see it, take back yourself, it is the only way out of this misery, only u can do it, no matter how much we listen and give u some suggestion , in the end its up to u to stop this pain, i dont post much here anymore coz i can see and feel so much pain, we all are in some sort of pain but some of us have learned to stop it, u can do it !!!

pls take care of yourself, dont let him man control your life, he has not given u happiness at all, only u can make yourself happy

pls , dont contact this man anymore,

take care,
max