down a lonely road.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
down a lonely road.......
2
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:57am
My A is completly over now. there is not much more to say to om since we have said it all.

my husband wants to work things out with me. he wants to know what is wrong with me and why i am so depresses all the time.

i dont understand why it is that i cant have feelings for my DH. i dont know if i lost it a long time ago and that is when OM came in or do i still have feelings for OM which have not resolved?

Can you move on and fall in love with DH again?

a part of me thinks that i was so hurt from OM that i have shut out my feelings.

i want to have answers to my feelings yet i dont know where to turn.

im going to couseling today because i have been feeling really down and i dont see a way out. im just afraid counseling wont provide me with the answers i need and fast.

i want to be happy, but im afraid of making the wrong decisions.

have any of you been down this lonely raod?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 11:19am
My A ended for the second time on Oct. 22. I tried to end it before that, which only lasted for 1 day. Until xMM called and I was right back in his arms.

My A came to a very sad ending. I found out I was pregnant and it was xMM's baby. I had an AB, because I coudn't keep the baby.

My H doesn't know about my A. He knew about my pregnancy and he thinks it was his baby.

I also thought that I was the only one feeling this way. But I am not. Since my A ended, I've been crying almost every night, I feel depressed, I push my husband away. We haven't been intimate in weeks, etc.

I also started counseling recently. I still don't know why I started the A. I have a great marriage, maybe the passion is gone and that's why I had the A. I don't know!?

I fell in love with my xMM. NO, it wasn't lust as many people have told me on this board. We had an instant connection between us from day one.

I have bought several books that's mainly about moving on after an A and how to heal a broken heart and how to resist not calling your lover. I also want to find a book that can tell me how to fall in love all over again with my H. I really need that right now! My H has been supportive in everything I am going through, the AB, my depression, although he does not know about my A.

I also feel the same way about the counseling. Last Sunday, I was so depressed that I felt like a junkie looking for drugs. I flipped through the Yellow Pages like a madman hoping to find a toll free # that you can call in case of a mental breakdown. Of course, no such tel# exists. Then, I called xMM, it went to voicemail. I was a mess!

I only been to 1 session so far and since I've NEVER been to counseling before in my life, I don't know what it's all about. She kept asking me about my family history, which I thought was irrelevant to my problems. One poster told me that couselors ask you a million questions, including your family history, because they are trying to find the way to our problems. If the therapist sees that my family is fine, then she'll dig someplace else in my brain.

I haven't been happy in 2 weeks now, since my A ended. As a matter of fact when I was still in the A, I was so happy, I even had a super sex life with my H. I was in love with 2 men. Now that I lost xMM, I feel like I also lost the happiness in my marriage.

I am not that great with giving advices, but just so you know, you are NOT the only one on this lonely road. What others have told me too, keep going to the counseling sessions, try to keep busy, resist answering your xOM's calls (if he does call you), and maybe look into reading some books about ending affairs, that will be able to help you. I just got this book called "This Affair is Over" and it had a 5 star review.

Good luck!

Sadgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 5:05pm
Usd

Yes you can get your feelings for your husband back, they may still be there just buaried under all the junk that has accumulated in your heart, life and marriage.

There's a book called Passionate marriage that may help you, in the mean time I suggest that every day you act in a loving manor to your husband even if it is only acting right now, in time you may find that you are no longer just acting.

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