dreams and having a bad day

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
dreams and having a bad day
3
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 8:25pm
I guess I am just having a bad day. As most of you know, my M is falling apart- we are separated and at almost the same time my X said he no longer was in love with me-- after 20 years of being in love and being best friends. I went 2 weeks with NC and then decided I did not want to lose his friendship. I had left it that I did not know what I could handle and he basically said he would always be there for me.

I had emailed him and then called a week ago. It was a short but good conversation and he said he wanted to be friends too. He emailed me 2 days later on Saturday. In the email he was going to another state to visit his son who was on a travel baseball team. His XW knew he and his family were going and decides to go the same time for the same games. He was frustrated and figured he would just try to avoid her.

Well- Has anyone ever had dreams that were so real it was almost surreal. Over the past 20 years I have had about 8-10 of these dreams. Most of them were about my X. One was about me- I knew I had ovarian cancer-- it was so strange as I am a doctor and know better than to think like this-- but one night I had this dream I had these ovarian cysts and they were cancer. I went to the doctor's a few weeks later and sure enough I had these cysts (completely asymptomatic- which is why most ovarian cancers are caught late). I had the surgery and sure enough it was ovarian cancer. Fortunately it was caught early.

Anyway I have had these dreams off and on- one had been about 4 years ago when I literally heard X's voice- we were just still best friends at that point...but in the dream we were together. Sure enough - that dream was so close to reality it was errie.

One time I was exercising and I felt my heart start flutterring and could not catch my breath- it would not stop. I got scared and almost went to my doctor's. I talked with X a few days later and he had had a seizure at that same time...it was so strange.

The most recent dream had to do with a baseball game- I had gone to the game with my X (although we were together in the dream and not x's). His family and his XW's family was there. I can describe exactly what the ball park looked like. There was only one small area for all of us to sit in and watch the game. I was talking to my X's mom and she was not happy about the XW being there...so I said I would talk with her. I knew her from 20 years ago- he left me for her while I took off for a year. I told her I was sorry for what had happened and that she had done a great job with the kids. We talked, my X came over, his XW said something mean and he laughed and took the high road. We all went out after and although it wasn't the best- it was OK. I was so proud of Him for not letting her get to him.

As I thought about it I did not want my X to be miserable trying to avoid his XW which was going to be impossible...so I called him. I tried at home the night before and then decided I would email him and call his cell phone and tell him to check his emails because I thought he had not left yet and would be at work. He picked up and I at first said hi and asked where he was- he was already there. I told him I was sorry that his XW was going to be there and knew how frustrated he must be- but thought maybe I could help him understand a little of what might be going on. I told him that there were not many things I was sure of right now- but I did know that she loved him and although things did not work out for whatever reason- she did love him and want the best for him...and maybe one of the reasons why she calls alot - is that a part of her still loves him and wants that connection. So don't be too mad at her right now.

I then asked him if he ever had a dream that was so vivid - it seemed real...he is a doc too...he said no...I basically told him about my dream and told him that I wanted him to have fun and that there was probably no way he could avoid her...and just take the high road and he would be OK and that I hoped he had a really fun time with his family. The conversation lasted about 5 minutes and I suddenly felt like I should not have told him.

I am sure right now he is thinking -- what on earth was that all about...I know you may think it is crazy-- but I am sure he will go to the game and the ball park will be exactly like I described...and there will be only a small area to sit in and avoiding her will be impossible...I thought it would help him to prepare for that and to know I was on his side and I believed in him.

Do you think I was crazy to tell him?

Can anyone relate to this??? It doesn't happen often- but when it does-- I am always very close to reality....oh help!!!

tb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Wed, 07-07-2004 - 11:13pm
I am sitting here feeling so stupid. He had opened up to tell me how frustrated and hurt he was that his XW was flying out at the same time for the same games. He was so sad- he does not get to see his kids as often as he would like. XW lets him see his duaghter maybe once a week. I knew he was hurting and I thought I could help.

Now I just feel stupid. He must think I am nuts. I just want to crawl under a rock and hide. I do not know whether I want the dream to be way off or not at this point-- I just feel awful...I should have posted here before I sent it or called. I am sure someone would have talked some sense into me.

What should I do now?? please - I need advice??

tb

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 7:10am
****Well- Has anyone ever had dreams that were so real it was almost surreal.****

What you are having are "lucid" dreams where you are actually experiencing a future event. I have never had one, although I have had prophetic dreams that have come true. My daughter was born with the gift of both, and we have had some really weird conversations as to the authenticity of seeing into the future. The experience can be very confusing, to say the least, but remember that it IS a gift that should be utilized for guidance.

I believe that you called him in good faith, but the urgency of that call should have been more carefully scrutenized. Most people tend to think this sort of stuff is goofy, not realizing that paranormal occurances can be very real to the recipient. The old school of thought, "Seeing is believing" is still the norm for most. Probably calling him raised a little concern that maybe you were grasping at any chance to talk to him...I don't think that was your intention. You just wanted to share this phenomena with the person who was the object of it. But, due to the circumstances of your NOW relationship, it would be best for you to think things through more carefully before you act upon them, as difficult as it is, because of your apparent "soulful" connection with this man. IF it had been a warning dream, then I think the call would have been more merited, but he probably would have still raised eyebrows if he isn't into this stuff. However, I wouldn't worry about it. You felt the need and followed through.

If what you conveyed to him is anywhere accurate, I am sure he will be thinking about that sexy psychic woman he left behind :)

Hang in there kiddo,

True

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2003
Thu, 07-08-2004 - 1:53pm
True,

Thanks so much. I felt so stupid last night and I guess still do. The conversation was short as I just expected to tell him that I had sent an email that I thought might be helpful...he is away so will probably check the email when he gets back on Sunday. I don't even think I told him I sent an email.

To be honest- I do not like this "gift" as it always seems to pertain to my X. I always knew when we were together - the silence was fine - it was never uncomfortable because we both "knew" each other so well. I use to chalk things up to being intuitive and just understanding him so well. He also always knew what I was thinking-- and at times it made me feel uncomfortable that he could know me so well. There was always this connection that was hard to understand.

So I guess I am struggling with the fact that he may feel uncomfortable with this and that was not my intention. Any attempt to explain it will make it worse.

Thanks for your words - I guess I am just trying to find the middle ground with him. It has been about a month since he broke up with me...and we just starting communicating a week ago. After 20 years- I would have thought it would be easy-- but it is not. I know I will make mistakes along the way- lots of them. I guess I wish there was a friend I could talk to about this. It is so hard when no one knows...

tb