Dumped, pls help me, I am at work

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Dumped, pls help me, I am at work
11
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 1:13pm

I feel like the world's biggest fool for waiting for this man for two years. I just got this. I guess he is back from whereever he was.

Ivy,

Hello. Yes, I am okay. I am not the least bit mad at you. Quite honestly, it is really I that should be going to therapy, not you. You really have been the sane one here. You are merely looking for stability and a home with someone. These are not unreasonable requests. I have not been able to give that to you. I am trying to stay away from you to avoid hurting you any further. Please understand that you are not the one at fault at this point. You have been fighting very hard for things you should expect from someone. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. I have been doing alot of thinking lately about us and I don't think I will ever be able to give you what you want and need. There will always be issues, with us, about how we handled this, with my family, with your friends. It will haunt us forever. I dont think we will ever be at peace with this. I know you feel as though you are wasting your life away with me. Please stop doing so. If we should be able to come together in a peaceful way again, then we will have a chance. But not now, not how this has all been. Not how I have been treating you. I have been unfair, and very hurtful to you. It is not what you deserve. I do and always will love you.

MM

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Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 2:08pm

(HUGS) Ivy, i am in a very similar spot and i can tell you you will be just fine. You don't have to worry about him anymore, you know he's home and safe, and you can start putting all this officially behind you. You knew he was probably not going to come back to you and at least he has given you official word now. If he is willing to leave this easily then he cannot be wtih you and it is time to start healing. you knew you may have to face this so you came to this board. I am single as are many of us aqnd you have seen how far we have come. We have been promised a life with, we have had trips away adn holiday's with our mm who often thought for sure they would be with us. we have all gottent trhough and so can YOU..

hugs, jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 2:15pm

IVY

I know this hurts big time BUT I have to agree with almost everything he said, He has opened the door for you walk away and to when your ready start again with a SINGLE man who can give you what you need in a relationship, TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY and Closure he has given you and Walk away knowing thay ou now have real hope for a real future in a healthy relationship.

Be well

Free

Avatar for jennlynnk
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 2:17pm
i tried this once. Will try again. HUGS girl....you at least know he is home and safe. He can't be with you right now but you known that was possible cuz you are here :) At least you know it's official and you can begin to heal. He can't be with you becuase of his own reluctance to put you first, so you need to move on to who can give you want. Look how many of us are single and also shared holidays and trips and real R's with our mm. But we have survived, and we are moving on, and people always coming back posting how great things are for them now. You will survive and we will help you. hugs, jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 2:17pm
(((((Ivy)))) Take a deep breath.. he's written some things that are real and true.. I see some things he's written that my EXMM has written too..(Admitting that he'd been unfair and hurtful and that I deserved better etc.).. Those are true things Ivy..and it isn't that you're a fool. People love and fall in love with others, regardless of how "smart" it might be at the time. It just happens, and later on we may realize that we aren't supposed to be with that person like we'd hoped or thought. We realize that we saw so many of the good things, that we didn't let ourselves look at the whole big picture. But that doesn't make you a fool. You're human.. and now the lucky thing about being a human who had feelings for someone--you now have the ability to take a new path in your life. The world is full of new experiences and people that are always just around the corner.
Take your MM's words to heart, in that he cares for you deeply- but can't be what you need. You won't wait any longer, because you deserve better..and you know that.
Sending you big hugs--
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 2:21pm

Ivy,

I am so sad to hear this. I guess it would have been easier if he had just stayed gone, vanished into thin air. Now you know the real truth about him, which is the he is a liar. That can be one of the most painful parts of this experience sometimes, knowing that everything he said and promised was a big fat lie.

My xMM could have written that note, so I speak from experience.

I know there are no words that I can say that will help, but he really did you a big favor. Now you see his true intentions (never to leave his wife) and you know that what he said was all false. Now you can cut off all communication, pick yourself up and realize that you are soo much better than this. And now, you are free to find a real man who will give you all those things that MM promised. You deserve to be happy and a real man can do that for you.

It may not seem like a time to celebrate, but congratulations on your new found freedom. Things our so much better out from under the affair cloud.

Good luck! ~Shel

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 3:45pm
i agree ... at least he took the time to e-mail you and tell you his feelings. if i were you i would not respond to this and walk away knowing HE will be checking his e-mail like crazy the next few weeks, waiting to see if you have responded. it will drive him up the wall when he sees you have not. you can do this. if you send an e-mail response, you will be the person waiting, and that is no fun. we are here for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 5:02pm
I feel for you, I know how bad this hurts. I was dumped too. My X could have written that letter too. He thinks he is doing the best thing for me and everyone else. He is probably right, but I haven't acknowledged that yet. You and I need to heal and get on with our lives. It is going to be hard, but I know we can do it. Hang in there and be strong. Hugs to you
Avatar for alice700
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 10:04pm
I think I might have an atypical reaction to what he wrote, but here it is. I liked the guy until he wrote that he loves you and always will. Why the hell do they need to write that? It is such a hook. This is typical MM behavior, IMHO.
Alice
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 12:11am

hi ivy,

i hope u are doing well as much as u can, i know it is painful and that u feel the sky has fallen down on you, its not the end of the world, this is a new beginning for u now, MM has spoken and he has told u how he felt, im sure he is truthful, i think he is giving u some closure which some of us dont have

i know it is hard and u cant see the logic in it right now but in time u will probably realize that MM did the right thing, now it is your turn to do the right thing, no more contact, it will be hard but i can ssure u in time it will be better and u will find someone or someone single will find u

pls take care, we are all here for u to listen

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 9:12am

Hi Ivy,

I can feel your pain through my screen and I feel for you. It must be hard to read an email such as that, but I believe you are lucky that you received one. As you said at least you know he is back, and you have a certain amount of closure. Now you know exactly where you stand with xMM you can try to move on to a better phase in your life. (I know, easier said than done huh?)

We are always here to listen

(((((HUGS)))))

Liz :)

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