Dumped, pls help me, I am at work
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| Thu, 05-12-2005 - 1:13pm |
I feel like the world's biggest fool for waiting for this man for two years. I just got this. I guess he is back from whereever he was.
Ivy,
Hello. Yes, I am okay. I am not the least bit mad at you. Quite honestly, it is really I that should be going to therapy, not you. You really have been the sane one here. You are merely looking for stability and a home with someone. These are not unreasonable requests. I have not been able to give that to you. I am trying to stay away from you to avoid hurting you any further. Please understand that you are not the one at fault at this point. You have been fighting very hard for things you should expect from someone. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. I have been doing alot of thinking lately about us and I don't think I will ever be able to give you what you want and need. There will always be issues, with us, about how we handled this, with my family, with your friends. It will haunt us forever. I dont think we will ever be at peace with this. I know you feel as though you are wasting your life away with me. Please stop doing so. If we should be able to come together in a peaceful way again, then we will have a chance. But not now, not how this has all been. Not how I have been treating you. I have been unfair, and very hurtful to you. It is not what you deserve. I do and always will love you.
MM

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Ivy,
I'm so sorry that this is the outcome. I can imagine the pain you're feeling and it will take a long time to not feel pain. You should read the "stages of grieving" article after a few days of adjusting to the news:
http://www.couplescompany.com/Features/Grief/#TOP
I know where my head would be after rec'ing that... it would be looking at the result - in fact, I'm not even sure I would read the words he wrote since I'd be so focused on the result that he isn't returning to me.
However, if you read his words, he seems like he TRULY cares for you. You have rec'd an "I'm sorry" and a "I understand what I did and the pain I caused" - that's more than most of us ever receive. He seems like he might be in T (maybe they encouraged him to not contact you for this period too) and that he is going through a wake-up of how much he needs help. He didn't close the door forever, but seems to understand he needs to heal himself first before going onto the next stage. This *is* the kind thing to do when you finally recognize that your behavior is inappropriate.
I wish you strength - you will get over this... you will be glad he told you this now rather than letting months go on without truly being able to move on.
I also understand (so well) when you say you can date others but they are not Him. This may allow you to be open enough now to find someone stable - that won't hurt you 3-5 years down the road again.
Good luck, WIP
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