To each and every one of you!
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| Tue, 06-07-2005 - 9:45am |
Hey all - I just wanted to first off say thank you to ALL of you! I've been here the last couple weeks posting like a fool... and so many have offered their hand in support, encouragement AND in tough-love; and I am thankful for each of you! ALL advice was received and will continue to float around in my head until my higher power knows I am strong enough to bring it to the forefront and apply it to my life.
I made a decision last night (after a very close call with contact) that I need to disconnect from exMM thoughts as much as possible. While posting here and talking to trusted friends about moving past this and what it's going to take and while trying to do so... the next phase of this requires me to put him OUT OF MY MIND. No more talking about it... I need to learn to redirect my thoughts and not allow exMM to consume me - even let go of the thoughts I've been trying to incorporate to move on.
So... even though so many think I'm still very caught up in being with him - I know in my head I'm TRYING to move on. And this is what I believe needs to be done. So... while I'll miss posting with you all and just trying to think the positives of letting go... I need to start MOVING ON and stop thinking! :)
I wish each of you the best! I know it's possible to let go of the fantasy and start moving towards reality - because I've seen it here and I'm starting to feel like I can do it. Just like last night - when I realized what I was doing - it freaked me out... I don't want to go back there... had he answered... where would I be this morning - eeekkk!!!! That will stick with me, I'm sure of it!
Alright... God's best to each and every one of you... I'm deleting my shortcut in my favorites (not that I can't find you if I really need you ;) ) and I'm gonna focus on living LIFE!!!!
XOXO
ANew

Don't punch out too quickly there, New Poster.
I totally understand the need to take a break from this forum and I've done it myself. I love this metaphysical idea that we "create" our own existence by directing our thoughts. I have often thought that my participation on these A boards keeps me locked and loaded with thoughts of the XMM. I've often thought that if I don't direct any of my energy toward XMM or the A, I will lose the ability to "create" these situations in my life. And I do believe there is some validity to this thinking.
Just remember where we are. I saw you had a rough time of it yesterday, but please don't leave because of the atomosphere or anything anyone has said. Although you will no doubt work very hard to direct your thinking where you want it to be, you won't always be able to do it alone. I ended my A about a year and a half ago, and sometimes I still need to be around others who understand.
We all have our own different styles of "understanding," but one thing we all have in common is at least the desire to end an A. You're in good company here, and no one will tell you to do anything that they wouldn't do themselves to get out of an A.
Hang in there, be well, but don't forget where we are for the tough times. Love, Mo.