The elusive happily ever after
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| Mon, 12-13-2004 - 3:49pm |
I have a couple of Q's for ya all.
How many of you were promised a happily ever after??
How many of you hung up the phone after a conversation with x feeling confused or hurt because you were told what you know you heard wasnt really what he said or meant?
How many of you pride yourself in knowing that you are an intelligent,solid,secure individual,but by being in the A you turned into or felt like a stupid,desperate,insecure individual???
I know alot of deep thinking, but that is what I did this weekend in my nice hot bubble bath, I thought back on the past 4 years and what impact it had on me, and the one thing that keeps replaying is the promise made to me (with tears and all)that I make him the happiest man and we were meant to be. The thing that I cant wrap my brain around is how can you look someone in the eyes and promise a happily ever after if you know you will never make good on that promise??? It just makes me so mad for being so vulnerable.
thanks
onthegochick

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LG,
I agree with Crissy. Most men don't discuss their feelings. It's just the truth. It sounds like a long term A. I am sorry you are hurting.
SS
How many of you have an xMM (or xMW)
Hiya Crissy,
<<>>
The people who love you unconditionally are the ones who will get you through this and who WILL be there day or night when you need them. Just because you disagree with them about whether or not you were played doesn't mean you need to continue cutting yourself off them them.
<<>>
Well, newsflash, but children survive & handle divorce every day of the week. This includes my step-brother (from my father's second wife) with multiple sclerosis and severe learning difficulties. You divorce your husband or wife, NOT your children! If we face facts, we need to see that if he'd valued his children & their security that much, he'd not have jeopardised them or their security by putting his own selfish wants & needs before theirs in the first place. He is where he wants to be, Crissy, he's laying in the bed that he has chosen and it cannot have been half so bad the picture he painted for you if that's the case.
<<>>
We only ever have control over ourselves and our own actions. This is actually quite liberating when we actually come to understand this very point. Think of all the extra hours in the day we free up simply by only having to worry about controlling ourselves!
<<>>
Accepting the end of a relationship is an act of respect. If you genuinely love this man, you'll acede to his wishes because it will ultimately make him happy, regardless of enduring your own pain. Simply point your feet in the forward position & start walking, Crissy, eventually your head & heart have no option but to follow your feet.
"When one door closes another one opens; but we so often
look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do
not see the ones which open for us."
Alexander Graham Bell 1847-1922, Inventor & Teacher of the Deaf
<<>>
Regret is something we get our heads around once we begin to *fully* understand that nothing has been done to us that we did not permit, and, in most instances, actually encouraged and enabled.
Regret for me is that my choices in having an affair have hurt innocent people. I've learned a great deal, I've gained self-knowledge & more importantly self-awareness, however, these things came at the cost of pain caused to others as a direct result of my choices and decisions. Even if no one had ever known about my affair, the damage is still there, lives have still been forever changed as a direct result.
Wishing you strength & peace,
Posie
FOL, as you know, I'm one of those xMM who DID deliver on his promises.......
And my xMW delivered on hers to me and here we are years later married and enjoying it.
You're very right in your observation that situations like mine are very much a rare occurence.
JMHMO,
cl-nre
Edited 12/14/2004 7:27 pm ET ET by cl-noregretsever
Here's a situation:
I was a MW with no kids having an A with a younger SO for 1 1/2 years. I got a D, we got M, and it's been 9 years.
9 REALLY LONG YEARS
Lots of ups and downs, 4 kids later, and now I am in an A with a MM. NEVER thought I'd ever do this again. So stupid, and believe me, it will NOT end the way the first one did...
Breathe
Just breath,
A few questions for you - the fact that you indicated that it has been 9 long years, would you do it all over again? How did your now H at the time rate with you? I mean, was he like the greatest person who ever walked the planet or were you being realistic about it? I am not trying to throw darts here, I am trying to figure out if I ever really took off my rose colored glasses and stepped on them. Sometimes I think I did, but one never knows for sure. Thanks
I too have wondered what is wrong with me because I was not made promises but at least I was never lied too about the future and even tho mm is cheating on his wife he has not lied to me. The only false expectationsns came from me. I hurt so bad right now, I can't make it through a day without crying, this really sucks because I can't hide in my office I am kinda out in the open and have to deal with people all day.
Nothing is wrong with you SS except you picked the wrong man to love.
Kathy
Lost,
If I may, I'd like to answer your question since you asked "just breathe" about her feelings "at the time".
kathy
Kat,
Just something to confirm your one statment: <>
I am single and I've never been with another woman while I was with xMW. We became lovers in 1994 and had an estrangement period from late 1999 to early 2002; I dated ONE woman for about 6 months in that period, but I never "fell" for her because my mind was always on xMW.
xMW and I reunited in March of 2002 and it lasted 1 yr 8 months, until 5 weeks ago. You can see why I'm nervous about the NC. It's only been 5 weeks so far, but will I cave again in 2 years?
--LG
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