email from exMM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
email from exMM
19
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 4:16pm

I thought I'd post this. He is responding to me having told him in answer to his repeated emails that no, I couldn't wait any longer and no longer believed in him. That was all I said and here is his response.

It speaks for itself:

IVY:

I thought I was your one. You don't walk away from your one. You said at one point you would always wait for me. Were you just telling me bs? Didn't anything I said about my issues matter to you? Or do we just have to worry about you? Because its different for you right?

I have done a lot of things wrong but I never quit on you. I never said it was over!! I should have many times but didn't!!!

You are quitting! You are unfair and have never had any regard for any of my issues. You don't walk out on the one you love! That's what's its all about. But I guess you just don't get it!!! You just quit.

You don't leave your soulmate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How dare you.

Please leave me alone!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 8:14pm

Hmmmmm, Ivy. Sounds a little over the top to me, but not terribly surprising after that hospital instead of divorce hearing thing. It sounds like he either has a real flare for the dramatic or is just a liar. Oh, and his self-centeredness is pretty impressive too. The gist of this e-mail is that he did EVERYTHING he could have (except make you a bona fide part of his life and expose your relationship to the real world) and despite his best efforts, you're so outta there. Clearly, this aint an entirely accurate depiction of the events, huh?

You've put up with his stalling long enough. He's angry because you're refusing to be held his hostage any longer. And good for you.

For many reasons, sometimes we have to walk away from all sorts of situations, even if only temporarily to give ourselves "a moment." Rather than reacting with any level of support and accepting any responsibility for HIS part in this, he's tearing into you for your decision as though his actions didn't contribute to it in any way. Not fair. Not only not fair, but childish as well.

That's my take on his e-mail, but I guess I'm a bit tainted after that hospital story. I never did believe that, and for some reason I just imagine him to be a bit melodramatic, which is how I read this e-mail. JMHO. Love, Mo.

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 9:19pm

IV

Manipulative little S.O.B isn't he, he is having a temper tantum because he has lost CONTROL of you, your not dancing to his tune anymore and he does not like it, HE ONLY HAS HIS WIFES HEAD TO MESS WITH NOW..

DO as he asks and LEAVE HIM ALONE.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 9:44pm

Yes. He makes me so so mad. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he takes no responsibility I am just flabbergasted that he can twist the fact that he is still not divorced back on me. I have another email from him where he says that his still being married is my fault. It just blows my mind.

Ivy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Sat, 06-18-2005 - 11:09pm

IV

I bet you his wife has NO idea that she is getting divorced.

IV the guy is a lieing jerk that has played with your feelings and he clearly has NO remorse about what he has done....YOUR WELL OFF RID OF HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2005
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 8:32am

yeah yeah yeah...

this is how mine was talking before he actually went out, filed and made a decision and is now REALLY not anywhere near home. Tell him that you want him very much, but you want him divorced. He will do it very soon, I can tell by the tone of the email. He is not stupid enough to lose you like that.No matter what he writes, say that you want him divorced. I am telling, my intuition is that this guy is going to do it very soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2005
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 8:37am

Read between the lines: the guy is confused and, like a little kid wants to put the blame on ivy. Ivy is not there, so he has two choices: be confused forever, or get his a$$ out of the marriage he is not in, anyway.

So, he faked the hospital thing, so it's horrible, so what? He is in turmoil. Mine gave me fake paers, and what? A mponth later I got the real ones, I was introdusced to everyone in his life and we live together. Patience, girl. This guy is not the lost case. like a lot of other MMs on this board.

If he made a decision to D, it's a start, most guys here never even get to a D. Now, he just needs assistance, which means tough love. Check EVERYTHING and be very mean to him, until he comes around.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 1:18pm

We're supposed to be adults with the ability to communicate - We really shouldn't HAVE to go reading between any lines.

How someone deals with turmoil & crisis speaks volumes about who they really are. These two guys seem to deal with pressure by lying their way out of it. As problem-solving goes, it's not particularly effective.

I'm just not personally willing to settle for someone who respects or values me so little that he's happy to lie in my face, whether it's about hospital attendance, filing divorce papers or thinking I'm dim enough to buy into forged divorce papers.

I'm simply not convinced these guys are worth the aggravation or cost to self-worth or integrity they bring along with them. If he can't be straight with me or if I have to make excuses for his consistently lame behavior, I'm just not interested.

That's just my own opinion and you obviously think differently than I do. If you managed to orchestrate your own desired result, NY, I hope you'll be very happy together. I really hope you never hit another period of turmoil or crisis or that pressure hits your relationship since you already know how he deals with that.

~LeFeen~

"There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " ~Anais Nin~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 1:30pm

I know you are right. I told him last night that it was too upsetting to me to have even a limited form of communication (email) with him and so he said that he would leave me alone until he had something to show me. You are probably right but the thing is - how did you just accept your MM back in your life after all the BS he put you through, and - how did you grow to trust him again? Worse than the lying is the incredible pain this man has put me thru over the last 2 yrs and I'm not sure I want to be with a man capable of that. And everyone I know tells me that based on his track record, the likelihood of him lying and cheating on me are good. Plus, it really bothers me that he seems to not be accepting responsibiltiy of any of his failed relationships as well as our mess of one. I would be a hypocrite to hold cheating against him since I have cheated but the difference is that I can look back and I feel bad for my actions and regret them even if I didnt get caught (which I never did) but for the disasterous effect they had on my relationships. When I cheated on my exH, I told him that I had done so because I couldn't live with the guilt and lying. MM on the other hand, seems to have no guilt for cheating. He feels that his wife (who he is only married to bc she got pregnant while he was separated from his first wife) deserved it because she was such a monster. I don't care how bad she was; noone deserved to be cheated on. His justification bothers me because I see the same lack of personal responsibilty in how he deals with me today.

SO how did you just let this man back in your life?

Ivy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2005
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 1:46pm

Ivy,
eventhough the situations are similar, they are not the same. I was never driven to cheat on MM and I believe he never cheated on me. He was married to the same woman for 20 years and he married her "because she was going to be the perfect wife" in his eyes, not because he was in love. Ten years later she had an affair with her ex and made a baby, which my MM has to now raise. The W never worked a day in her life, he supports her completely and takes full responsibility for his cheating, their failed marriage,etc...

I don't fully trust him, but I am close to it. After he finally went out and filed I see how he has been living: telling me every time he goes to the house, telling me every time she calls and telling me what was the conversation about, introducing me to everyone, signing a new lease with me, opening a bank account with me,emailing me from his work account, letting me pick up any phone at his current apt, etc.. I see that he is fully commited.

Give your man an opportunity to show that he can be commited,too, and then after 15 years together, those horrible two years you went through won't seem like such a long time.
Look at the BS: they take their husbands back after the husbands were in love with other women! I believe in patience, however not a blind one. Anything he does from now on, ask for a paper to prove it. Talk to his lawyer. Treat your MM like a child. What would your mom do if you messed up big time? Would she stop loving you? No, she'd punish you and give you a chance to redeem yorself. No matter how old,rich and powerful this guy is, they all need a Mommy. Mine is a CEO of a very successful company, he's in the mid-40's and I am 28, but I still am playing a Mom in this relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 3:24pm

IVY

>" it really bothers me that he seems to not be accepting responsibiltiy of any of his failed relationships as well as our mess of one."<<

Nothing is his fault right...re-read his mail to you the problems in your relationship are YOUR problem no his even though he is the lieing sneak that he is.

I have to strongly disagree with NY on this one, this guy is not worth the risk he has shown ZERO capacity to make a relationship work, second marriages have a very high failure rate even when both people are basicly normal decent people, third marriages have just about a 100 percent failure rate.

IVY do yourself a favor and just walk away I think if you do not your going to be doing this dance again in 1-3 years only your going to be the wife he is telling some girl is some evil monster that he is divorcing.

JMHO

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