Email from X-OM and Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Email from X-OM and Update
7
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 9:48am
Well, I haven't been here in a little while, and that I guess is a good thing! I have been doing great, haven't really even thought about XOM at all, keeping busy, doing things with H and friends.

Last Friday, I went out with some friends (teachers that I work with) to celebrate the end of the summer school program (we all worked there). Well, XOM invited himself along with one of the other teachers. I went anyway, hoping not to have to talk to him. Well, it was very awkward. XOM was sulking a bit, and giving me odd looks. I pretended not to notice, made some obligatory "small talk", like "How are the wedding plans coming along?" "How is your summer so far?", etc. so that nothing would look strange about our interaction. He gave weird answers, then at one point just happened to sit next to me and then he TRIED TO HOLD MY HAND UNDER THE TABLE!!!! I got up and went to the ladies' room and sat somewhere else. Needless to say, I was disgusted that he would try to force himself on me like this.

I left early, and about 10 minutes later my cell phone rang - XOM. I didn't answer it. He tried my cell phone again a little later, again, I didn't pick up. That night, I was waiting for my girlfriend to pick me up to go get some ice cream, when he called my HOUSE PHONE. Stupidly I answered it, not realizing that he had blocked his number from the caller ID (the other times he has called my house phone it showed up on caller ID, this time it said "Blocked Call"). When he answered I quickly said that I was on the other line I couldn't talk and hung up.

I probably should have told him off, but I didn't want to go into it in case my girlfriend showed up. My hands were shaking. This all happened last Friday, mind you, and I hadn't heard from him since, save for a few forwarded jokes in my e-mail.

This morning, he e-mailed me and said "Hi - Just checking to see if everything is OK. I am worried about you. Hope all is well" and signed it with his name.

Should I respond at all? Or just ignore it? Aside from the fact that it is becoming ANNOYING, I realized that I really *don't* want to have any contact with this person. I don't want him in my life at all. The thought crossed my mind that maybe he would try to tell H, but I don't think he will because he is engaged and I know for sure that he doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize that.

Right now, I am ignoring the e-mail. I deleted it immediately, and am considering blocking his e-mail address from my that account.

Any comments/thoughts/suggestions? Thanks everyone for your support throughout this, I couldn't have done it without the support I received here!

:)

Circe

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 10:31am
<<<>>>

You are doing soooo well. Don't fold now. Just remember that you don't owe him a thing. And, you should have blocked his email address a long time ago....See, just one little message and now you are wondering what to do. DO NOTHING! Men do not like being rejected. They want to be the rejectors! That old EGO thing again. If he was so worried about you, why didn't he take notice of just how well were doing at the last get-together? Were you sending out S-O-S smoke signals that you needed help? I think not. He KNOWS you are just fine, the problem being is that HE is not just fine with the rejection. Too bad...

I'm proud of you,

True

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 10:38am
Thanks True! Guess what? I blocked his e-mail address! I guess I know that's what I should have done from day 1 of NC, but I didn't. The only thing that I cannot block is work e-mail. We don't have that capability, but I would hope that he would have the good sense not to try to contact me that way. During school (we're both teachers) we did exchange the occasional e-mail about work-related stuff, generic how are you doing's, but that's about it. We never sent anything too personal over work e-mail. But at least now maybe he'll get the hint that I don't *want* him sending me e-mails.

Thanks for responding. I think that's just what I needed to hear!

:)

Circe

P.S. I think I can block his number from my phone too, I just have to figure out how!


Edited 7/23/2004 10:40 am ET ET by icirce21

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 11:08am
<

>

Some phone companies (I have SBC) have a program that costs a couple of extra bucks, but it allows you to block up to so many phone calls. Call your local service (because you have caller ID) and ask them about it. A long time ago I had someone who was harassing me and I was able to do this. Not sure if it is still offered, but it's worth a try. Just keep doing what you are doing. One day you will look back at all this and think, "Who was that girl?" I am already so beyond the person I used to be that "amazed" doesn't seem to do it justice. Positive thinking and prayer have been my greatest allies.

((((HUGS)))))

True


 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 11:09am
Circe,

I would not respond to his email. For two reasons, one he probably will respond back. And then you two will be emailing back and forth. NC really helps. And if you do not email him back, he will get the message. You have done well so far, keep up the good work!!!

sjnrr
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 11:11am
HI IC

I agree with True, block him and keep NC at all costs, any response from you even a P/Oed one will give him hope that he is getting to you and that is what he wants.

He sounds like a total WIMP, I was a real JERK move calling you at home, total desperation on his part but risky for you.

No way no how will he tell your husband, he does not have the guts.

Stay strong, stay free

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 11:25am
Good to hear you're staying strong during all this. It would be a good idea to block him from your home phone b/c the last thing you need is for him to start calling there to try and get ahold of you. You can check with your local phone company for that but i believe his number has to show up on your caller id (not be a blocked number). You can also change your cell number (costs about $10 or $15 to do, but would be worth it). Especially since you want NC from him. And with text messaging, they can worm their way back into your life. So stay strong and keep what you're doing since it's working for ya. Drop by once in awhile to let us know how you are...Take care

patches

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 4:17pm
Thank you True, sjnrr, Free, and patches! It gives me a lot of strength and determination when I get positive support like this.

There is NO WAY that I want any kind of contact with OM at this point. I am so over the whole thing, I am even starting to be upset at myself for letting the A happen in the first place.

I did not get to call the phone company today, but I will call on Monday. I do not want OM calling my home from either his home or his cell phone #s. I guess I will have to get both numbers blocked.

I do not want to change my cell phone # (although it is a good idea) because I just changed it about 6 months ago when I got my new phone, and it has taken that long to get all of my friends/family updated. But, it is MUCH easier to ignore calls from him on my cell than on my house phone. And, H would never answer my cell phone. I keep it turned off most of the time anyway just in case.

As for work e-mail, when school starts in September we will see if he goes down that route. I think the best I can do is just ignore and delete his e-mails. I don't think I can "block" him in any way. But, maybe by then he will get the message.

Thanks again for all of your support! I will definitely be around to read about how everyone is doing and lend words of encouragement to those that are where I was not too long ago!

((hugs))

Circe