emotional affair
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emotional affair
| Tue, 02-10-2004 - 11:32pm |
I became involved with a person I have known for quite a few years and began working with about three years ago. Our work put us in a position where we were alone a great deal plus we had to attend classes and conferences. Of course we would talk about personal things and about our marriages. Over a period of a year we became very close friends. If one of us felt down or needed encouragement, the other was there. We brought out the best in each other and we had comforting words when needed. One afternoon I was upset and he motioned me over to him and he hugged me. It felt so good, so warm. Over the course of a few months there were more hugs and more indepth conversations, we had so much in common and had so many of the same feelings and ideas. One day at work we hugged each other and without thinking we started to kiss. It felt so right, so nature. We were both struggling with marriages that weren't working and our spouses did not understand us. i guess guilt took over because we were unable to talk about the kiss for a few days until I broke the silence. He said it wasn't in his character to do something like that. We tried to figure out what was happening. He said he loved his wife but I knew my marriage held no hope. Over the course of a few months I encouraged him to make his marriage work, he tried but said he couldn't stop thinking of me. One afternoon he grabbed onto me and we kissed the most passionate kiss imagined. He said he loved me and wanted to be with me. I was in heaven. A few weeks later I was away on business and got back to town on Sunday afternoon. There was a message on my answering machine "I've done it, I told her I wasn't happy". My heart sank and thought to myself my life has just changed. I phoned him and he told me all the details, including the fact that he told her he was in love with me. At first she told him to take the time and see what he wanted but that soon changed into "I want to make this marriage work". Well, he went back to her. She wouldn't let him talk to me for 2 weeks, finally he told her we worked together we have to talk. We tried keeping it professional but that wasn't us. For 5 months we kept our conversations short and sweet, now we are back to call each other several times a day about silly stuff and talking about personal stuff. I know he still loves me but he is dedicated to making his marriage work, though there are days when he complains about her and I have to tell him..."you made your choice". The one thing that sticks with me is that when he told me he was going back to her was "The hardest thing about this is in 9 months from now she could say she doesn't want me and you will have found somebody. I only wish we would have met years earlier". There are still looks and a bit of flirting. I can't explain the relationship but I know it can not be anything other than friends, so I except that because he is my friend, we just crossed a line we shouldn't have. What ever is meant to happen will or won't happen.

Stick around and read the posts here -- lots of our stories sound a lot like yours. We have a lot of MW (married women) on this site. I was single, divorced a year when my 3 year affair started -- much like yours & like many here, with a very good friend of many years. It just seemed to happen so naturally.
But it lasted about 3 years too long! Now I steer clear of him -- no contact on my part with him for almost a year now and I'm involved with a really wonderful single guy for almost as long. I no longer have fond, loving thoughts about my XMM, though many here do about theirs. I think he was a "cake & eat it too" type and I'm pretty disgusted with myself. I thought it was love. We were using each other. Such a waste.
Just be careful about the friendly emails and lunches -- it's so easy to find yourself in a mess, trying to "just be friends" -- it can also hold you back from either trying to fix your own marriage, moving ahead with a separation and otherwise living your life.
Just protect yourself, but you sound like you're on the right track.
Take care that your friend is not trying to play both sides to keep you there in case his M fails.
I suggest that you refuse to listin to anymore details about his M or provide anymore about yours, you need to protect yourself from being strung along or sucked in deeper, affairs are very hard things to be involved in and are not worth the pain.
Lala