emotional day

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2012
emotional day
1
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 6:26pm

I have a list today, today would be my 37th anniversary; my youngest (24)  left for school across the country this morning, it's been 2 weeks today since contact with xap and something exciting is that I leave on an awesome vacation 2 weeks from today.

Pretty bizarre feelings today, this morning I really wanted to talk to xH, I did text "have a good day" and he texted back "you too, thinking about the date". I'm feeling the guilt for ending our marriage, even though I do think it was best, I just regret the way it happened (in the midst of A fog) Part of me wants to apologize, but I don't want to hurt him more by telling the truth. I just need to let it go.

This afternoon, I want to talk to xap, it's been a habit for so long, anytime things are happening we talked. I want to know how he's doing too. I know,,, I'm not going too, so I'm here.

I'm on a strict food plan right now, it's working well and I'm back in my smaller clothes, but I told a coworker that I have nothing for comfort, can't eat what I want and I can't talk to who I want. (but I do like the feel of smaller clothes!)

Thankfully work was busy today and the weather is decent, I may go for a walk.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 7:39pm

((((ksmiles4me))))

wow...one tough day for you, honey.  I'm glad you called your xhusband...just knowing he is remembering the day...and seemingly understanding your need or want to reach out to him...and probably feeling less alone himself on this difficult day.  Sounds like you to forged a good relationship following the divorce.  That's pretty special in my book.  Is there a way you can just apologize...just for how things worked out...without having to mention anything else....if it would make you feel better?  Just sayin'

You're probably feeling a bunch of emotions all rolled into one watching your son...your baby...head out into the world alone..a man out to find himself.  A big (((hug))) for that.    

UGH!!! strict food plan!!!  Hate those!  The only way I could make a diet stick was to choose one day a week where I could eat the one thing that I craved all week.  For some reason, it seemed to help...there had to be a reward somewhere in there or I'd have never seen those smaller clothes.  Good for you for sticking to it...especially now...although I would suggest slipping in a little cheat, to comfort yourself...just a little one.  You might not want to listen to me about that :smileyhappy: 

You have a lot of losses going on here all at once, k...try to fit some pampering in there somewhere.

I'm glad you came here and took that walk.  Even more glad you didn't reach out to JAM...like someone once said here and perhaps not the exact wording, "why run towards your source of hurt to stop the hurt.".

Hang in there, k

Clarity