Emotional devestation......please help..
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Emotional devestation......please help..
| Fri, 04-22-2005 - 12:49pm |
Could the agony of heart ache be any worse? Why must it rip through my skin and pierce my soul as it does. I hurt from head to toe. Even my eyelashes are in pain. I can barely focus, unable to concentrate, utterly and hopelessly lost. 13 years ago, I began an affair with a married man. I was single, he was a young police officer answering a call to a neighbors home. When looked at each other it was magical. Like something out of the movies. We became friends and nearly 2 years later became lovers...I ended the physical relationship as the pain was to great....I knew he would not hav left his wife....and we remained friends. I eventually met and married my husband. Still, we remained friends....for 8 years I have been married now and have loved this other man the entire time. Things recently became physical gain and we kissed. He freaked out and I am hurt and through subsequent emails this week have discovered that the magical forbidden love I thought we had was much more inflated on my part and more of an ego boost for him. I am in pure agony. I wrote him a sort of mean email and told him to leave me alone...and he is. Of course, what I really want is for him to call me or wrote to me and tell me how sorry he is and that he has always loved me...13 years of my life ladies, just blew up in my face. I love him soooo much. My husband has never stood a chance against this man. I have spent so many years wishing that he was someone else and subconciosly angry with him for not..for not being as strong, or as powerful, for not being a cop, for not being another man entirely. I have been so unfair.....No one could ever have lived up to the fairytale I have created. I hurt so much I can't beleive it. How can I possibly make this up to my husband and give him my entire heart? I want to love him like I should, but I don't know if can or ever will....please, someone help me.....

princess,
i am sorry that there is so much pain but also be happy that u have realized that its just a fanstasy u have created in your mind and it fooled your heart as well
u know MM will never be with u, find yourself again, u have a H there that deserves your love and attention and everything, unless the marriage is not working then u need to make a choice and your husband deserves an answer
stop living that fairy tale in your mind, there is no such thing
welcome to the board, now u have to think of yourself, forget about MM, he just want to have his cake and eat it too
max
princess,
whether he loves u or not is not the issue here anymore, U ARE, u are making this all up in your mind, stop with all the fantasy, i know it is hard to let go but u have to try , u will fail but try again until u will succeed
well i u call u will think of him so delete his number from your phone
max
princess,
i wish i knew all the answers to all of your questions , hey but u have to deal with the here and now in your life, maybe it is time to seek professional help
all i can suggest is not to neglect your health, pls eat or force yourself to eat and also sleep, take some benadryl or something over the counter
i know its too soon, but if u go back to the same cycle if will be like groundhog day to u and the pain will be even more
just make small steps, delete his emails, voicemails, snailmails and dont or at least try not to call him, change your cell number if u must
max
Princess..you have spent a very long time living someone else's life but not your own.
Thirteen years is a long time, you deserve to grieve and mourn for losing those thirteen years to a man who never could fully be yours. But on top of that you married someone. Who is he? What is he like? What made you marry him? When does he get to know you as HIS wife, and not a woman who is wrapped up in another man's life?
I don't deny your pain or hurt. But you have to stop wasting time on a man who isn't yours, who hasn't allowed himself to ever be fully yours. And your husband deserves attention so that you can decide if this marriage is for you or not. You are obviously a loving, passionate person. Life is too short to waste on someone who isn't who you thought he was. Please get help. A counselor or therapist to talk this out with. You need to find yourself again, and figure out why you married the man you are with.