Emotional ping-pong

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
Emotional ping-pong
1
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 10:03am

Greetings-

I've been MIA from EAS lately, but jumped on this morning and noticed a lot of names I didn't recognize and a lot of posts I could have written myself.

I'm 2 months nc (ok, only 1 if you count the one time I broke it 1 month ago). I noticed some of the newbies (really I'm still one myself) saying they didn't want it to be over (note my screen name), but know it is for the best.

I wasn't prepared for my a to be over either...my xap initiated nc without explanation. That hurt, and still does, but it is the best thing he could have done...my only wish now is that I was the one who chose to go nc first..childish, I know...

I have been mad, sad, up, down, deeply depressed, somewhat indifferent-almost to the point of 100 percent indifference- can't wait to get there, soft-hearted, hard-hearted toward my xap...all these emotions on top of one another...meanwhile trying to reconnect with my h/m...it HAS NOT been easy, but you will make it!

A while back I posted that I was worried about having positive feelings toward my xap...I was thinking that was OK...I don't feel that way anymore. I went to ic yesterday and my t told me I gave him waaay too much credit...so I'm back on the Anger Train and think I'll stay on for a while...it seems like anger is the one emotion I keep returning to. I was used. Why should I be ok with that? My xap is an old bf who I thought would never hurt me but now....not so sure...

My point is, for all of you just starting nc...please know it will get better...you will feel better...I'm monitoring my emotions now and it's helping me heal...I hope this makes sense and I hope everyone is doing well...keep your chin up!!

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 10:58am

Free~


You sound good again. Yep, good, bad, bad, good... back and forth... up and down. No wonder we feel like that roller-coaster will never stop. ;-)


Your T was right. Many tend to give way too much credit to their XAP's but my take on this is, it's because we don't give ourselves "ENOUGH" credit for how terrific we reallly are. Sure, having an A definitely puts a dent in the "terrific" area, but it can be buffed out, waxed, and shined up

   ~Iddy~