empty feeling
Find a Conversation
empty feeling
| Mon, 01-12-2004 - 11:26am |
i've had nc with om since friday night- i feel like i am going to die inside!! i miss him so much. i really believe i love him and without him i am going to be miserable. i am thinking about trying to contact him now even though i know i should let him go-- i feel so sick!!! i didn't think it would be so hard!

Why can't I learn??? I've BTDT already, and it really hurt the last time going over 2 mos. with not talking/seeing him.
Dusty
For what its worth....when you are ready to stop the pain and craziness, you'll be ready to let go and it will be FAR easier then what you are going through right now. From this I speak from experience!
I've been in a mostly emotional ema for 2 years...more me then him. It just became sexual in the past 2 months..but only on a couple of occasions and with a LOT of angst...on both of our parts. We both wanted the passion missing in our marriages...but we also wanted to maintain integrity,too. You can't have both. He was capable of being friends with me...and still wants to be...but I can't because I fell in love with him and I can't turn off those feelings...right now.
During these past 2 years...there have been nc phases. Some at my initiation, some at his. In either case...I yearned and ached for him during that time...and it caused me sooo much pain. I also emailed him frequently during one of his initiated nc phases...and he eventually wrote back after about 6 months (which now, I think was a mistake) with much reservation on his part.
What I am finding this time...is that I no longer want the pain, the angst, the confusion, the aching, the wondering, the deceit...the pain outweighed the good. So far, its been 9 nc...and it feels different this time. Do I miss the emails? hell, yeah...and just the emotional support that I got from him. But he became a crutch and kept me stuck in many, many ways--and the ways I kept myself stuck by hanging on to him...that I"m just beginning to see now. I still check my email with a little hope...but then again, I really don't want the drama and craziness. Its better this way.
When you are ready to let go, you will.....try to do some inner exploring and find out what continues you to drive you to him....
jmo
dharma