End the affair/keep a friendship?
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End the affair/keep a friendship?
| Sun, 05-02-2004 - 8:41pm |
I would like to know if anyone thinks its possible to stop any sexual involvement with a person and eventually return to just being friends. The "affair" has been over for only a few weeks. We both agreed it had to stop. We are both middle aged, I am married and he is long been divorced and also a recovering Alcoholic. Honesty is a big part of their program. He wasn't being honest with himself or his family (children from a previous marraige). Of course as a married woman I wasn't respecting my marraige vows and was feeling like a terrrible person to have let this go so far. This was a very serious relationship with Love being a big part of it. It started 2 years ago as a friendship and as a just a couple of months ago turned sexual. Long story short we agreed to end it but have both agreed to try to go back to being good friends. We can't imagine life without atleast being able to remain friends,
Is that even possible?
Is that even possible?

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Clarice
I have to agree with Clarice. It is virtually impossible to keep the friendship. It
If you truly want to be honest about your M and he wants honesty as a part of his addiction recovery you will end your friendship.
YES, it IS possible.
You both have to CHOOSE friendship over continued sex with one another as the basis of your continued contact.
While the other women who've posted have found it impossible to continue friendships because their male OM's continued to think with their little head instead of valuing the friendship available, there are men (like me) who don't always need their little head to control their entire life.
Since your xOM is a recovering alcoholic and intent on living honestly, I think you have a good chance at establishing a friendship without continued sex. If both of you want and value each other's company as friends, the removal of sex from the equation as a condition of continued friendship may be just the stimulus you need to explore what it's like to value the person rather than the sizzle........
I have managed to maintain friendships for several years with several former OW's. I agree it's rare, however, just the fact the friendships exist refutes those who've posted "never"........
Good luck,
If you can you're a stronger person than I am!
Although I will admit it is hard to push the romantic feelings out of my head the thought of not remaining friends would be much harder. We both talked about and realize we made the mistake of taking this sexual. I believe as you said, the both of us can now choose to turn this back into a friendship. It also means alot to hear from a man. It seems that a lot of what I read is from really disgruntled females.
Thanks again for the response.
I am just taking it one day at a time.
I too have tried the friendship thing one too many times. And we always end up in the same place...in bed! Sorry to be so blunt, but its the truth. I think the physical attraction between us is much too strong. Last week we were trying the "just friends" angle again but I find it feels good at the moment than he may something that stirs up way too many emotions. If we were friends we would talk normally about day to day things right? Well you know what I dont know if I feel like hearing that much info. about his wife and child. That things are much better between them. Not now at least. Like Katie, says, maybe one day...but not today. Not when the wound is still so fresh. Ok thats my 2 cents.
Good luck to you.
xo!
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