End the affair/keep a friendship?
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End the affair/keep a friendship?
| Sun, 05-02-2004 - 8:41pm |
I would like to know if anyone thinks its possible to stop any sexual involvement with a person and eventually return to just being friends. The "affair" has been over for only a few weeks. We both agreed it had to stop. We are both middle aged, I am married and he is long been divorced and also a recovering Alcoholic. Honesty is a big part of their program. He wasn't being honest with himself or his family (children from a previous marraige). Of course as a married woman I wasn't respecting my marraige vows and was feeling like a terrrible person to have let this go so far. This was a very serious relationship with Love being a big part of it. It started 2 years ago as a friendship and as a just a couple of months ago turned sexual. Long story short we agreed to end it but have both agreed to try to go back to being good friends. We can't imagine life without atleast being able to remain friends,
Is that even possible?
Is that even possible?

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SN'04, I think you've got the point exactly!
Just my two cents. And yes , you are right I do know what I am able to handle. I loved my XOM with all of my heart and soul, more than I loved anyone....I would love to be able to be his friend but it just isn't possible because of the high level of emotion that still is connected to the dynamics of the relationship and out of respect for my husband it just isn't right. Would I want my husband friends with his former lover? Hell no. I shouldn't dish it out if I can't take it. If I bumped into my XOM in the street would I give him the "malokio" and spit in his eye....no. I could be friendly. Probably be demure and pull the whole "you look great, how are things going for you" act (I tend to turn into Audrey Hepburn when I'm under pressure)....
Honestly the whole subject about staying friends with your lover has been talked about so many times on this board, and I'm really growing weary. My attitude is this, if you can do it more power to you. Most people on here can't do it. It often ends up in alot of hurt again. Isn't avoiding hurt the reason that we do the whole NC thing??????????
I'm done on this one folks, no sense beating a dead horse which is what we pretty much have done on this subject the past two years.
Jazzdiva
SCU, I love your style.....
and we have spent the better part of 2 years discussing this subject...and it doesn't change what the "right" thing to do is, namely, anything in our life should be out in the open and available for spousal observation, including our interactions with the opposite sex.
I agree with you I'm in a rare situation and I also agree that out of respect for my spouse any former relationships would end at her request. All she needs to do is ask.
Oh, btw, if you keep hurting that horse, we'll have to report the incident to the SPCA......LOL
I like to fantasize that years down the road I can be friends with XOM, but you know what? I hope by then that I won't need him in any way shape or form. I hope that the thought of him no longer enters my mind. The fact that I still think of him bothers me. It is like he still has some kind of hold on me and my life just by invading my thoughts....time will tell if I'll ever be free of the mess that I created.
Jazzdiva
And as for referring to the "disgruntled females" on this board...better words to describe them would be hurt and confused by someone whom they loved and probably still do.
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