The end - and it is killing me
Find a Conversation
The end - and it is killing me
| Tue, 12-29-2009 - 11:42pm |
I went to work today and we have decided that it is over. Somewhat of a mutual agreement. I suggested it and he accepted it.
I am feeling like i cannot breathe. Can't sleep, can't do my work, can't talk to people. What is wrpng with me..How can i want this A so much that it's making me sick to be out of it..why can't i stop crying. someone tell me why.
Struggling tonight, not sure how to cope.
Sunshine
.

Pages
Sorry Sunshine. =(
The first few hours after the Ending is the hardest. These feelings you describe are all normal. I usually try to go to sleep so that way I don't have to think/feel that way.
Wish I could help...but keep posting, this also helps.
NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No N
Hugs Sunshine -
Ok, it's done, the words have been said and you know ending this is truly the only way to peace.
I wish I had some magic words for you, but only you can get through this alone. The journey will not be easy, but you have to always look ahead to better days that are waiting for you. Take some time for yourself, do something very kind and nice for just you - heck do it often if you can. Do not talk to xAP, shut yourself off from any contact. Also at this point, we proud of yourself that you have the guts to stop this madness. That alone empowered me and I hope you can find that strength as well. Realizing that will also give you your dignity and self respect back. That was huge for me and fueled further desire for taking back my life.
I wish you peace Sunshine. I followed your posts as much as I can, but I have been gone from EAS during the crazy holidays. Take care of yourself and be strong.
Sunshine -
Take a deep breath.
Thank you everyone..
it literally feels as tho i can't survive this. I feel scared. What the heck am i scared of?
I really don't know. but it's a bad feeling. How am i supposed to work tomorrow..or hang out with family, my H, how?!?
Sunshine
.
Sunshine
.
Waiting... I am RIGHT HERE with you RIGHT NOW. I am feeling exactly the same thing you are hon... I know the pain, the confusion, feeling like you're literally going to pass out. I don't want to see anyone, speak to anyone. I run to the bathroom to release teh tears welling up adn try to keep it from being obvious to my H.... its been 2 days of pure h3ll. I am terrified, and I just miss my Xap so much its PHYSICALLY causing me pain.
I wish I had some advice for you, but right now the only thing I can offer is telling you that you are NOT alone right now. I have never hurt so bad, as I am right this very moment....
I just keep telling myself that these other ppl on this board have gone thru exactly what we are, and they are all here... they survived it. Its going to hurt, I have no doubt. We will make it thru though.
Read as much as you can on this board...that's what I've been doing. Its helping. Seeing other people going thru the same thing as you is calming. It makes you feel less out of control.... do that.
If you want to talk more with me, I'd be happy to even talk privately if you want.... we can IM or whatever if that will help you> I think it would help both of us actually... cuz right now, there is NO ONE else to talk to :(
Sunshine, I had to fake it to get through many days and evenings with my husband, family and friends. You just have to dig down real deep for the strength and hold on tight. You can do it.
Get some sleep if you can. Plan to do something out of the ordinary when you get to work - anything to distract you and give yourself something to look forward to. I found the more time alone I had, the sadder and deeper I let myself fall. It wasn't until I made some changes that I got better. I know this all so raw for you right now. I know it hurts like h*ll and I won't lie, it will for a while. Just keep telling yourself this is the best thing for you.
Hi Waiting...
Just want to say that I've been where you are (I've posted about it if you want to read my old posts).
Waiting~
<>
As hard as it's going to be, you are going to have to fake it till you make it. Those of us who work with XMM have/had a long road to tow, but it can be done. I had to change my work routine, arrive and leave at different times, move my desk so I couldn't see him enter or leave the room, act indifferent even though my heart was breaking, stop all small talk and chit-chat, change how I dressed , took more time off just for "Me", filled my weekends up so I could look forward to them, became a regular on this board and helped others as much as I could, even got a 2nd job to fill in those empty after work hours.
You do whatever you can to start the disengagement process. The worst thing you can do is dwell on what was. That is over now and you have to shift gears completely. It takes time and effort but in the end you will have redesigned your life so he is no longer part of it, other than some guy you work with.
I know you are hurting right now so take some time to just grieve your loss, and then roll up your sleeves and get pro-active. ;-)
((Hugs))
~ Iddy~
~Iddy~
Iddy,
I know you were replying to waiting, but your post was really what I needed to hear today!
Mickey(sorry to hijack your post Waiting...)
I'm pretty sure each and every one of us could write what you just wrote about Xap "letting us go".... I am feeling teh exact same thing right now. He is not good enough for me, never was.... physically or any other way. And HE let ME go, without a fight. I feel like he's just goin about his days, and I don't even cross his mind.... And here I sit, OBSESSING on some website, to people I don't even know... over him. WTF.
Its a hard pill to swallow - I think we all know that one - and we're all still choking....
Hang in there. I'm hanging....by a hair.
Pages