At the end of my rope.

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
At the end of my rope.
11
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 10:32am
This forum is supposed to be one where all people are permitted to vent their frustration over ending their affair. I have been here for the better part of a year just to help others who come here experiencing the same pain I went through. But you will all find that while staying to help others can be a real blessing because you see how some of the things you posted helps, you also run into times when you need to vent your own frustration because dealing with this subject matter isn't the most pleasant. And if I cannot operate just like everyone else does with posting in general terms without offending anyone, then I don't care to be here anymore. I feel I have a lot to offer this board but I won't do it at my own expense by being made to feel as though I cannot vent my own frustration when it comes. It has become pretty obvious to me that I can't.

And the reason isn't any fault of any one person who posts here. It is due to the fact that this board deals with too many different situations - so by being permitted to vent my true feelings, I have a tendency to offend others. It's amusing to think this is a message board which deals with affairs. An affair can't happen without people who are married. But there are those who get involved with someone who is married, yet cannot vent any frustration or anger over "married people in affairs" in general without ruffling feathers. You all know full well what the bottomline is in an affair and that it REQUIRES at least one of the parties involved to be married. It just so happens that all my anger and frustration in my own situation involves someone who is. But for me to express any anger towards a married couple who just goes about their business as if nothing ever happens after an affair ends and leaves the OP to deal with all the pain, anger and frustration all alone seems to be unacceptable on this message board because there are married people here. I feel that sucks and is so unfair. But hey, it doesn't really surprise me because it is just another example of how some folks have to have their own selfish way or they come to the board with their claws out and spitting nails.

Again, I don't NEED to be here to deal with my own situation anymore but was still posting to help because many have requested I stay. So to those folks, I say I'm sorry but you need to realize that I don't need the cattiness that goes on on this board. It's time to grow up and stop being so damn selfish! And for those who are promoting the use of blocking certain posters, I say you are only hurting yourself. Any person who comes here needs help, real help and that starts with the truth. If you can't handle the truth, why be here?

I hope those of you who were involved in the backbiting against me over the last couple of days are quite happy with yourselves. Perhaps you can find the time in your life to come here to help others who are hurting. We'll just see how many of you pick up that ball and roll it.

Good bye!

GT

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Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 10:47am
I've tried to stay out of this mud slinging, but at this point I do have something I need to say...

This board is supposed to be about support. Many of us are in a great deal of pain and we NEED that support. Please, to any who are bashing others please stop - it is completely unproductive. I for one need GT to stay and it makes me angry that ANYONE would feel they've been pushed off the board by uncivil comments. Obviously we are a mixed bag of people and we don't agree with everything everyone says. Oh well. Take what works for you and keep moving. Why argue and hurt others - how does that help anyone?

Crystal

PS GT, it will be a loss to me if you go - please reconsider.

PPS Just a comment on this statement:

'But for me to express any anger towards a married couple who just goes about their business as if nothing ever happens after an affair ends and leaves the OP to deal with all the pain, anger and frustration all alone seems to be unacceptable on this message board because there are married people here.'

I think you know that its IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to just go on as if nothing ever happened after an affair - married or single.

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 11:07am
Really? Then Crystal, you tell me why do so many MM do it? I cannot tell you how many single women I have read posts by who cry and cry for closure with their MM but because their affair was discovered, they never got ANY answers. That wasn't my own situation but it happens all the time. So to tell someone they can't express their anger and frustration over that happening is just plain selfish and I don't want any part of it anymore.

This subject of married people getting their tails in an uproar has happened before, you know that! And quite frankly, I'm tired of putting up with it. This board is not MARRIED PEOPLE WHO ARE ENDING AN AFFAIR, but it sure seems most of the time that it is supposed to operate that way. I have been here for a long time offering love, support, understanding and what I thought was good advice only to be kicked in the teeth one too many times. And for anyone who cares to know, if it were face to face, I would feel the exact same way. This is wrong and until someone has the gutts to stand up and do something about it, the single people who come here will leave almost as fast as they come because it's too hurtful (poor babies) to those who are married to read a post that references a MP who has hurt someone who is single.

Guess what? With all the good advice I am able to give others here, I also bleed, hurt and feel pain just like the rest of you. This whole damn situation really amazes me because every person here who is married has to know that what I have spoken about thus far is true. It is selfish, plain and simple for anyone who is married to have an affair - and for the very first time, I am seeing why so many single women who get into affairs want to lash out in some way at the MM who hurt them or somehow try to cause them the same hurt they are going through. I have never and will never support that sort of behavior but now I do understand it.

You know Crystal, I've seen the cl's come here and ask to tone down the spiritual posts...etc, but never in my wildest dreams would I think that when you're dealing with a subject matter such as an affair which requires a marriage to be in the mix in the first place, that the sort of posts I've seen over the last couple days would ever even happen. I've apologized for saying things that people took too personal before at my own expense and I will NEVER do it again. It's BULL! If this board isn't going to be a TWO WAY STREET, I want NOTHING more to do with it!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 1:36pm
my prayers are with u and iam sorry everyone has to be so jugde mental iam sure they didnt mean it keep your head up lady iam praying for u be in good spirtits let me know how it turns out i know how u feel
Avatar for crystal_clr
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 2:16pm
Clearly when married people are trying to rebuild after an affair sometimes they 'shut down' the former affair partner. Isn't that easiest? Isn't that what you advised me to do with my X - tell him to leave me alone? It doesn't mean I'm not hurting, and I didn't miss him. God no!! I saw him drive by me yesterday and I swear I could smell him - thats how clear that man is in my mind. I may have said "get lost" and my life may look like I'm just carrying on with my happy little family, but I'm suffering - its taking everything in me to move on and I think you know that. So I guess taking all that into consideration its hard for me to picture a married man (who may have got caught) and totally and without warning cuts all contact - not still suffering. JMHO. I don't know, maybe I don't understand what you're saying though.

As for married vs single/this board etc. I feel we all have more in common than not. I feel as a collective team we can help each other the most. Yes, I not only stepped into someone else's marriage/relationship, but I stepped out of my own. You only did one of those things, so there are differences for sure. But I'm not here to explore the differences, I am here to get support while I am ending my affair.

PS So since you're still posting, guess that means you've changed your mind right?? Great - you know you can't leave right now anyway. After all this time I may FINALLY get over OM and its like a miniseries finally ending - you've invested too much time into my story to not stay till the end!! Love ya....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 3:59pm
GT, this board is also about honesty and credibility and facing REALITY. You have been posting on this board and other affair boards for at least THREE years straigh, nonstop, in one form or another. You have always been the most frequent poster and a lot of controversy has centered around you, your posts, and your different member names. (hisdoll00, protectedheart, adpro211 to name a few). There have also been a couple "other" members who have problems with abortion, an issue which, not-so-coincidentally is something you have a lot to say about - always. Then there;s the poetry and having your own business and giong on "dates - dining and dancing with singel men" whihc is something you only mention when people point out how you virtually LIVE here.

Do you really think you are fooling everyone?

You've done this childish, manipulative "farewell" routine before so no need for anyone to get excited about it. You're not going anywhere.

You need to face the REALITY that you need more serious help than this or any message board can give you. You long ago became a piece of Internet folklore.


Edited 4/19/2003 4:03:44 PM ET by br6644

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 5:14pm
You know, I knew it was just a matter of time before you (whoever you are) would come here again. You talk of all the screen names. (Canonet?????) I would say you have that mastered. And you must certainly think the women who post here are stupid because everyone who has been here for any length of time knows how you email people behind the scenes telling them how I am attempting to somehow run them off the board and what beats all is you talk of how I need help, yet you seem to act like you know my whole life story. If you know so much about me, what does that say about you? I know you've been emailing people from this board and trying to convince them I am this horrible sick person and when they want to respond to you, the email comes back undeliverable. Oh you got some courage there for awhile and were busted. Does the name Casey or Sweeterblond ring a bell from this board?

Talk about a piece of work! If this posts gets me booted from Ivillage, oh well. I was ready to leave anyway. Find some other vulnerable poor sucker to single out, okay?

Bye!

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 5:20pm
Oh and one more thing...you remind me of my MM, you need to just let it go.
Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 6:39pm
Crystal ~ first let me say I love you too. And I will try to explain for you. Yes I suggested you tell him to leave you completely alone because you know you've had tons of time to say all that may have needed to be said or get questions answered. That is not the case with many of the gals (especially single) who come here and have had their affair discovered or had the MM/OM seem to fall off the face of the earth without any explanation. And this was the same person who claimed to love them. You know how terribly difficult it is to deal with those circumstances. Lots of those ladies end up going right back the minute the MM/OM makes contact.

It is about finding enough strength to be done with it once and for all...to finally be WILLING to let all the pain go rather than holding onto it as a way of holding onto the relationship.

I completely understand your need for support right along with the others, but I do need to explore the differences between us. Not being married, I do want to try to find some understanding as to what happens in marriage that makes one so alienated from their spouse that they would cheat. This gives me the knowledge I feel I may need for the future, because I still believe the MM is going to eventually leave. The difference between my reaction to that knowledge now versus when I was stuck in the affair is that I now understand how terribly screwed up he is. So if he makes contact in the future as a divorced man, do you see me as the type of person (whether or not I am married or in a long term relationship with someone else at the time) turning my back on him?

Perhaps this will give you a little better understanding as to where I am coming from and what I have been seeking from the board other than reaching out to help others here. I will admit there are times when I get really angry at him but he doesn't know it because we are not in contact. So I would like to know I can use this forum to vent some of the anger that lingers at times.

Just know even if I am not posting regularly that I have my eyes on you. :) Don't think for one minute that I am going anywhere as long as even one person reaches out to me in need. Okay?

You go have a really HAPPY EASTER with your family and forget about it all for awhile. That's exactly what I am going to do.

Hugs to you.

GT

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 04-19-2003 - 6:52pm
Sigh. So sad. All the Red Herrings lined up in a row. Diversions.

"Your" MM?? He is not with you. Never was.

Actually you're the one who was "let go" and keeps talking about "going".

Time means nothing when it's real.

But one must know where the fantasy ends before they can face the "real".

Best wishes.

Avatar for guardedticker
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 11:25am
Don't waste your sympathy on me. Believe me, I don't need any from you. Perhaps I should clarify something. The phrase "my MM" is nothing more than that, a phrase or way of putting it on this board. As for how my affair ended, you haven't got a clue so it is pointless for you to post to me and try to tell me how it did. I'd really like to know what is your point?

And then it came to me. You pick Easter weekend of all weekends to come here and lash out like you used to do and haven't for a really long time. Oh but I knew you were coming. When you tried to use Casey and it backfired on you, the frustration was too overwhelming to ignore. I am really beginning to see how you operate. That said, whatever reason you have for coming here and doing what you do outside of Ivillage to harrass me, just know it is all in vain because the truth ALWAYS surfaces. I have a hedge of protection around me that I wish you would open yourself to. But that will never happen as long as you continue to operate like you do. God bless your life. I hope whatever causes you to do what you do, that you will see the light.

Take care of yourself.

GT

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