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| Wed, 02-03-2010 - 8:37pm |
Hi, y'all,
After all the hype i went thru for months and months, i finally got together with my AP.
| Wed, 02-03-2010 - 8:37pm |
Hi, y'all,
After all the hype i went thru for months and months, i finally got together with my AP.
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Um, well... you just END it. Nothing works 'well' for anyone. You end it. You struggle with all the aftermath for a while, how long depends on your commitment to putting in the work to heal, then you go on with your life in a healthy, honest and respectable way.
I'm not being snarky, just honest.
The next email to soon to be X Affair Partner is short and to the point. something like, "This is not healthy or good for either of us and I am ending it. I will not contact you again and I do not want you to contact me again. Thank you for respecting my wishes. Be well. Signed, Flylady."
If you are reading this board... the healing library, the stories, the advice, then you know what you have to do, and if you don't you're in store for a whole mess of nastiness and hurt. I hope you make the right choice.
Wishes for strength and resolve,
Dee
FL,
First, welcome to endings and I hope you have taken some time to read the Healing Library.
<>
We don't beat each other up on here but we
~Iddy~
Thank you iddy and dee,
When an Xap tells you, I don't want to lose
Flylady,
Fly
I would not be to quick to believe that stuff about his wife cheating most likely it is pure B/S,a ploy to get sympathy that can be exploited.
It sounds more like he is a serial cheater that spends his free time tossing bait into the internet waters seeing who will bite.
NO CONTACT is the only way to deal with a manipulator like this guy.
NO NEW CONTACT = NO NEW HURTS
Bandk73, thank you for sharing your story which is very similar to mine.
Hi Ladies,
Just wanted to give you an update.
flylady
Our stories are pretty different - I was in an EA and PA with a guy I worked with, and it lasted over 12 months. I ended up confessing to my H in December, with full disclosure and all details given about 3 weeks ago. Around the same time my H and I sent a very brief NC email to xAP and I have remained NC since then, apart from a voicemail message he left on my phone 2 days ago which I have ignored (and I am trying to not let if affect my healing - it was fairly distressing).
So...as of today I am 20 days NC and believe me, if I can do it many others can do it too. The pain is unbearable at times, and it can take incredible effort to just function normally day to day - sometimes it's merely 'survival'. But I am still here (as are lots of others who have felt the same way) and even though it feels like I haven't made any progress, I know that I have. Even if it's very small. And by constantly believing in myself, by reminding myself that I CAN live a very honest and dignified life - one that gives me self respect and personal integrity each and every day, I know that I can get through this and come out 'the other side' determined to spend the second half of my life with much happiness and personal fulfillment and peace.
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and sending out a big ((hug)). You can do this, you will just have to dig down maybe much deeper than you ever have before. But it's possible. And when you start counting down those days of NC your thought processes will slowly change and you will learn more and more about yourself and how much resilience you have inside you.
Fly
Ok lets see if I understand ... HE WILL LIE TO HIS WIFE AND HE WILL CHEAT ON HIS WIFE .... BUT HE WOULD NOT LIE TO YOU !!!!!!.
Does that really sound realistic to you ?
I think you have reverted back to 1990 in your thinking and feeling where Xap is concerned, he on the other had is in 2010 being the person he is today not the person he was 20 years ago.
It may be time to reassess (sp) who he is today based on his ACTIONS TODAY. He is telling you who he is today you just are not seeing it.
NO CONTACT is still the way to go regardless of who he is today, it is the only sure cure to what is slow poison to your marriage and family.
NO NEW CONTACT = NO NEW HURT
Hi Flylady,
I think I talked to you once on the other board ? :-)
Welcome on this board. I am glad you are here and I know
you can do this.
I had an A with my neighbor and I can tell you:
Friends is NOT possible. Sooner or later he will start making
sexual comments again, testing if you are still 'there'. I can't
be friends with this man, although he thinks we can. But he always
comes fishing for more.
If you can go NC, go NC and stick to it. It IS the only way out.
And I know you can do it. "Friends" is not going to work, because like you (or was it some other poster?) said:
There will always be expectations.
He is offering you a few crumbs. The question is : will you settle for crumbs or will you walk away for good? It hurts to get only crumbs.
I really hope you'll feel better soon.
Big hug
HTGO
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