Ended it today

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2009
Ended it today
10
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 12:10pm

Hello everyone.

Iddy, you asked me to post my story, so I will but I'll keep it brief - after all, what can you say that hasn't already been said? In every post I read on here I recognise myself, and that has probably been both the saddest and the most liberating thing. It's forced me to front up and admit my story is not unique; that I'm not his soulmate; that he won't ever leave his wife; and that all that stretched out in front of me was endless anguish.

So, after dithering for months, I ended it today. I wrote to him - sure, maybe he did deserve a phone call, but who the hell cares - he gave me the time of day on his schedule, so tough.

It was a three year cyber-affair, with three meetings during that time. Thousands of emails and phone calls. Texting to begin with but before long I wasn't "allowed" to do that anymore.

Same old story - loving, swept me off my feet, was charming, attentive,told me he loved me, all that kinda stuff. Emails began to dwindle from every day to every two days. And so on. Culminated in our last meeting a couple of weeks ago when we had been to bed and he got up immediately afterwards, refused to come back to bed, and told me he felt guilty. Oh really??? At what point was that???

And did he think I didn't? I'm married to a wonderful man who treats me like his princess. Which is why it is so puzzling as to how we get involved in these A's in the first place.

Anyway, I have emailed and told him it is over and not to contact me again. And honestly - apart from the brief moment of panic when the send button was hit - I feel okay. Just neutral, really. I am on Prozac because of the emotional toll this has taken on me, so perhaps that's numbing my emotions.

What I have found helpful leading up to this decision is sending myself emails. Any time I've found myself wavering, I have talked to myself and written it all down. The emails seem to come from an adult part of me and are kind and loving and supportive, and sensible. I knew this decision was coming.

I bet he does try to contact me again and I have to be ready for that. So if it's okay with you gals, I'll hang about on here until the healing is done. I don't think this is going to be a walk in the park, but at least I have started. And at this point, I'm absolutely resolute that it is over.

Thankyou for listening :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
In reply to: unichick
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 12:46pm

Unichick -


Thanks for your post.

NC since October 2, 2009.

&nbsp
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
In reply to: unichick
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 1:55pm

UC,


I am proud of you for ending it. Somehow when we do the ending it gives us back some power, even though it may not feel like it at first. Of course we won't mind if you stick around for support. That's what this board is for. ;-)


<>


I applaud you for being so creative and pro-active. Sometimes when we get our thoughts on paper or in an email like you did, it makes it much easier to make decisions. Also, seeing is believing, right? Having it written out right there in front of you allows the mind to make a snapshot of it, and even though we may forget some of it once we delete it or tear it up,

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2005
In reply to: unichick
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 2:51pm
I email myself all the time....it is great....i even email him....i just dont send them....its a great way to vent without breaking NC....keep it up and let me know if you need me, i am here, we all are
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
In reply to: unichick
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 2:58pm

Welcome to EAS unichick!


Just as all a's are basically the same, so are endings.


Here's how to get through the pain.

Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2009
In reply to: unichick
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 3:56pm

Can somebody tell me where to find the "healing library".

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
In reply to: unichick
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 4:59pm
Go out to the EAS page and scroll down.
Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2009
In reply to: unichick
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 9:58pm

Okay, I officially have a new favorite phrase, courtesy of Energy -


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NC since October 2, 2009.

&nbsp
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
In reply to: unichick
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 10:04pm
My pleasure.
Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2009
In reply to: unichick
Mon, 12-14-2009 - 10:43pm

Thank you all for your lovely replies. It really helped me focus on what I have done, and that it is the right thing to do.

I came home to an email from him. He pulled the BIG one out of the bag for this....LOVE. Never mentioned it for the last year, until now. Said he was saddened but would always be my friend. Would love me always.

Of course, I'm ashamed to say...I bit. I wrote back and said "NOW you say it? A tad late I'm afraid."

I should have shut up, I should have shut up, I should have shut up...I know. I know.

Anyway, I know this is just a big manipulation by him. He may genuinely feel these things, I don't know. It doesn't matter. What I have done is right. I still cried like a baby when I read his reply. But then I wiped my eyes, got up, and came to post on here.

No going back.

Gal, I'm glad that something I wrote resonated enough to give you some strength for dealing with the day. I have done this (ended it) a few times before but never with the same sense of calm. I hope that one day soon that calm will wash over you, too, and you will be able to view this all as an impartial spectator.

Hugs
UC

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
In reply to: unichick
Tue, 12-15-2009 - 12:19am
Uni, I must remind you that boys telling girls ILY is the oldest trick in the book for sleeping with girls. Talk is cheap honey, it's all about actions.
Onward and upward.