To the Ending an Affair Support Board!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
To the Ending an Affair Support Board!!!
14
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 12:39pm
You are still a great group of strong, caring and loving women!!! This board helped me to change my life. For those of you that are still here, thank you! (Shescomeundone, Fool4love, Nutella, delightful, Karry, calidiamond,.... others... and some that are gone (Sambagita & LifeofJoy-especially Lifeofjoy).

You "newbies"... you'll find wisdom & support here if you just listen/ uh.. I mean read.

I'm doing fine. My marriage is on a real good track right now. Is it perfect? No. But I don't think I should be looking for some fantastical image of perfection, and instead should just enjoy love and reality. I had gotten a bit away from reality. For a long time!

Yes. I'm in therapy, and it is going well. Still have work to do on ME... but it is progressing, and that is good.

Here are some of the lessons I'm still learning, and come back today to share:

1- Work on me. Then, the marriage will be stronger.

2- It IS about me.

3- I am still finding what "it" was about me, that I enjoyed about myself when I was w/ the xOW, and am re-creating that in other places.

4- No contact has been broken, but there is no substitute for no contact. We have occasional contact, but the "quality" or "nature" of that contact is completely within my control, and I will endeavor to make that contact, when it has to be made, of a healthy nature. For those of you struggling.. focus on NO CONTACT! It really, really, helps. If you are not in a co-worker relationship, go NO CONTACT completely; if you are co-workers, control the nature of that contact.

5- This board is a great place.

Just wanted to check in w/ some of y'all.

Good luck to you all!!! The new year coming is an opportunity to rebuild ourselves! Let us look to the future, and remember/learn from the past. Build, build, build...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 10:56am
I do, too. It is helping me heal as well.

I am so glad to hear you're doing better. It really does help the people coming to the board for the first time, or early on in NC, and while still hurting, to read from people who have been there. I know it helped me.

I'll be around only rarely, but do hope to run into you here again. Keep on keepin' on, kiddo!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 11:09am
I had a long post, and this @%$#% board deleted it again!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Wed, 12-31-2003 - 11:21am
Let's try again!

I am so glad you are doing better. I think a lot of us are, and can lend support to new people stopping by- it gives them hope at a hopeless time. Did for me, anyway.

Your work thing connects w/ mine. I have two quick stories (updates) that could almost go under "NC Updates".

I had a broken NC forced upon me twice in two days.

The first was a luncheon at a fancy restaurant that we held for this customer that xOW works for. There were 7 of us in all; 3 men 4 women. As arrivals came, hugs went around the table. Men shook hands. xOW came over to me, and I put out my hand. She said, "Oh good grief!" and grabbed me for a very nice (and tight) hug. It just about killed me/broke my heart.

The rest of the meal was awkward for me. I directed a little conversation her way, but focused on others. It was really weird. She threw a few barbs my way, in fun, but the fun wasn't there for me. I was afraid others would see my pain. I don't think they did...

The next night was a cocktail party hosted by an association we're all in. I had taken yet another customer out for drinks just before, and had been taken to lunch where drinks were served before that. So, arriving, I was already a bit buzzed (and there would be more drinking yet to come). When xOW got there, she looked absolutely gorgeous to me.

I did my best to stay across the room with other customers. At one point, she broke into a conversation I was having w/ a client, as a means of escaping a guy that is always hitting on her at these things. (Now that she's not wearing her ring, he was more assertive). still, I kept a distance. But, as was inevitable, we somehow ended up in a corner of the room, left alone. She asked how I was "really"... I answered that I was great, and on a good path right now... she suggested something to the effect of having lunch so we could both catch up on these things, and I was evasive and non-committal.

As I left the party, I was proud of myself. Her approval/acceptance of me was not as important to me. There are still some sort of friendship feelings, but the deck has been re-shuffled (in a good way). The feelings are different & have changed. She clearly didn't seem as important to me.

I left very proud of myself. Went home, and told my wife that I loved her!

Stay strong Snap! My struggles aren't over yet, either, but they have clearly changed and taken on a new face!

Happy New Year!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Thu, 01-01-2004 - 11:34pm
Hello RG!

I hope i am not too late to post to you!!

I am soooo glad to know that you are doing well. You were an inspiration to me in some really dark moments and I will always thank you for that.

Good luck working on you - but we ALL are a work in progress -no? Hugs, Happiness and lots of Love is wished for you this new year and always..

F4L

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