Ending my A - new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Ending my A - new here
2
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 6:21pm
Hi all

I’ve been lurking in here once an awhile now and finally have decided to post. Here’s my story. Please bear with me. My H and I’ve been together for a total of 10 years as of this past August, 7 of which we are married. I was 18 and he was 21 when we started dating. He was my first love and I never thought I could ever fall in love with anyone else.

Of course that all changed after I graduated from college and entered the work force. Work was stressful and I found myself doing tons overtime. Work was where I met my OM. He was single while I was married. At first it was just flirting. As time passed and our relationship grew, we fell in love.

Living the double life and sneak around was hard and starting taking its toll on me. As for my OM, he couldn’t deal with me going home to my H every night and wanted to break up with me many times. But overall, he couldn’t do it because he still wanted to be with me. My OM wanted me to either leave my H for him or let him go. I still loved my H and wasn’t ready to give him up, but at the same time I was in love with my OM. I couldn’t choose and thus carried the A. I loved both of them.

We carried our A at work for 2 years. Then last year on the same day we both decided to quit our job because the company we worked for could no longer pay us and kept giving us empty promises. I felt this was a step in the right direction anyway, because that way my OM and I can both move on and end this A. However, the both of us kept in touch through yim, email, and phone. At the beginning, we would meet 2 to 3 times a week. But as the months rolled on, we started meeting less. Since I was the married one and he couldn’t call me, it was up to me to decide when we could meet.

As much as my OM and I loved each other, we both knew this had to end someday. My OM knew I was never going to leave my H and therefore he started hold back his feelings towards me. And I knew I wanted to stay with my H and started calling and seeing my OM less. This was a little easier for the both of us since we didn’t work together anymore. This past August my OM told me that he was over me. However, I couldn’t say the same. My OM said that he still loved me and wanted to be my friend and will always be there for me. As for me, I knew since I couldn’t give up my H, that I had to let my OM go.

Ok…now here’s the real deal. Although the two of us are just friends now, we still meet once a week at his place to make out. The reason for this posting today is that I want to really END it with my OM. And by reading all the postings here, the only way to do it is to have NC. And I wouldn’t be posting here today if I didn’t still have feelings for my OM. I don’t want to cheat on my H anymore. 3 years is a long time. My H is a good person and I want to make my marriage work and rekindle the love between him and me. I know if I continue to see my OM, I will not be able to do it.

By the way, I intend to break it off with my OM this Friday. He doesn’t know it yet that this’ll be the last time I go visit him. I know he’ll understand, but I just need support because I know I’ll miss him terribly and want to call him or visit him. My goal is to wake up one morning and have no more feelings for my OM.

This is it for now. Thanks for listening (reading) to my story.

- EndingIt



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 6:50pm
Endingit,

I send you many cyber ((((HUGS)))) as you go through this hard time. I did it and quite COLD TURKEY. If you say your going to do it then that is what you need to do and stick to it. I have been there and its a tough road ahead. I was in a long distance relationship for well over 5 years and very much in love. I was the married one and he was single. Its funny because your story is so much like mine. I wanted to let you know I have been 4 months NC with nothing. I feel at times that I just want to e-mail him but I know that will be right back to square one and I don't want to do that. He doesn't deserve that and my marriage doesn't either. I'm here if you need to talk with some one. Take care and know every day it does get better.

Soul

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 8:49pm
Ending

You doing the right thing for both men and yourself by completely ending it once and for all.

I suggest that if your going to have the ending in person that you do so in a public place were it will end with a talk and nothing more.

Be prepared to enforce the NO CONTACT most XOM tend to have a return spring attached to them.

Start investing in your relationship with your hubby, I have found that lots of good old fashion CONVERSATION can go a long way to deeping the connection to your spouse.

Wishing you peace and freedom

Free