Eternal sunshine of the spotless......

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Eternal sunshine of the spotless......
5
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 12:21pm
This post might be a little weird but I saw this movie the other night & it blew me away & I've been waiting for the time to post ever since. I saw this movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" which was admittedly somewhat strange & disturbing. The plot is-after a bad fight, the woman goes to a center to have all memory of her boyfirend erased. He sees her after and she doesn't know who she is & he finds out what she's done & decides the only way he can continue is to also have his memory of her erased but partway through, he changes his mind. The reason this movie floored me is because the entire time I was watching it, I knew that if such a thing were possible, without question, 100%, I would have OM erased. In fact, since I've seen it, I've been wishing that you could do exactly that and more, I realized that for the most part, what I would be erasing would not even be actual memories but my fantasies of what I wished it was.
I've known for a while that I'm going to end but haven't been able to quite get there. I do want to erase my memory of him. Someone posted here some months ago about breaking the bubble of the person in your mind-every time you think of them, picture it like a bubble and make it pop. I'm going to try that but every time I think of him, I'm going to pop it and then replace it with an actual, good memory-my family, something that really happened that I enjoyed & I'm hoping that in time these real memories will crowd out the other ones, real or imagined & that he'll effectively be erased.
He did something unkind this weekend so I told him I need to be away for a while and that's what I'm going to be trying, so wish me luck and most of all, strength. I'm not sure why I didn't just tell him I'm done-I don't know if I was afraid to sound dramatic & I prefer to just slip away or if I'm trying to leave some kind of door open & that does worry me. It also could be that I've said it before & not stuck to it, so I didn't want it to be like, yeah right, again? Anyhow, I'm really going to focus on making him go away this time, instead of focusing on the pain and the loss and all that. I'm hoping this works.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 3:16pm

Good luck, I hope you are successful. I practice thought stopping. Whenever I start to think of him I refuse to continue the thought and I replace it with another thought or conversation. It's working well, I actually don't have to do it much at all.

Hang in there
Robin

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 3:59pm

Too

Each day post by post you are inching toward the door marked EXIT, you are going to go through and never return, I think you know this already and maybe that is what is scareing you.

Freedom is calling YOU.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 8:09pm
Thanks Free, you keep on believing in me even when I don't know if I should believe in myself. You're right-once I walk away, I'm never going to look back, which is my personality. My H. even said it to me a few months ago-"boy, when you're done with people, you are totally done with them" and he's right. So I've been inching towards the end because I know that once I decide it's over, it's OVER. And you are right, I'm getting there slowly but every day a little closer to the end and my freedom from this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 8:51pm

Too

We all walk toward that door at our own pace, the important thing is to get there and you will, you have all the markers of a woman who has had enough and when a woman has had enough of a man then he has no hope.

And YES YOU should believe good things about yourself, what we believe about ourselves dictates our actions in my opinion.

Is that a light I see at the end of the tunnel ???

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2004
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 10:30am

<<>>

I had 18 months of leaving that door open, he knew the door was open and took full advantage of getting back in. I went through the back and forth all too many times. You just know in your heart when its over, when nothing can repair the damage done to the relationship, it's time to let go. That became crystal clear to me 6 months ago, when I said we're done, and despite his efforts to fix the damage, I never let him back in.