Event Update (long)
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| Wed, 05-12-2010 - 8:50pm |
Well fellow EAS posters, as promised, an update on the event that put me in the same room with xAP. It has been over 2 years since we last were physically in the same space. I apologize for the length I'm sure this will be, there's no other way to explain some of this. ;-)
Before I humor you with the details of the event, I have to tell you something that happened the week prior to the event. xAP and I were college sweeties, over 30 years ago. We both support the same college and both belong to the alumni organization. My husband too is a member and also serving on the foundation board that supports the football organization. We both are ardent supporters of the football team. So in the mail I received a copy of the alumni newsletter. I didn't think much of it, but wondered why I was getting it because I had long ago stopped paying for it. It had become full of news about graduates that were much younger than us and I would trash it minutes after flipping through it. So imagine my surprise that on page 4 is a quarter page picture of xAP standing with an important Senate member in Washington DC. Hmm. I read the short mention about his trip and why he was there. Big deal - bleh. But why did I get this particular newsletter? I realized I knew the managing editor, we were friends in college and remain in contact. She also knew xAP and knew I dated him. She must have mailed me a copy thinking I'd be interested.
The evening of the event I felt confident I could face anything and anyone. I knew xAP would be there. The event was formal and yes, I had my killer dress on and the requisite CFM heels. We went through the receiving line, greeting all the honorees, players and coaches. Towards the end of the line I could feel I was getting a funky feeling inside. Almost like I was doomed, but I had my game plan and was determined to stick to it. H and I got a drink and started the mindless chit chat with strangers that these events are so full of. H had an executive board meeting to attend that he was preparing to go into. The board meets while the others are mingling and drinking. I still had not spotted xAP, though I was sure he was there representing the media. I felt a hand on my back and my heart jumped a million miles high. I just knew it was xAP. I turned and thank you Jesus!, it was my friend from college, the managing editor of the newsletter. What a relief! The 3 of us chatted for a short while and H excused himself to go into his meeting. I decided to ask "Sue" about the newsletter. She told me how xAP had called her office and asked if he sent the information and picture would they publish it. Well, I guess newsletters like that would take anything and yeah, his trip and meetings were sorta interesting. But mostly a big ego trip for xAP if you ask me. "Sue" talked with xAP and they chatted a while and in the course of reminiscing, xAP asked Sue if she ever sees me, talks to me... Sue told him yes, on occasion. She told me he recalled our relationship and they talked about us a bit. He then wondered if I would get the newsletter. Sue looked me up on the mailing list and told him no I wasn't on it. She volunteered to mail me a copy. So that was how I got the newsletter and it was good to know it was an innocent act on her behalf. xAP is a very pushy person, he will badger anyone until he gets what he wants. Sue also said he wanted to show the alumni members that he did well since he was just a mediocre student. Right. It was ego, pure ego.
Just as the conversation about the newsletter ended, xAP is suddenly right next to me. Gulp. Sue exchanged spirited hellos and hugs with xAP, I (yay, high five me!) only said hello, but I was very cordial and nice. Stinging, I felt like the world was on hold. I felt I was spelling each word that came out of my mouth instead of speaking them! I'm not even sure what the 3 of us talked about. You know the feeling you get when you know someone is staring holes through you, well I was uncomfortable being so close to xAP. His eyes and words were so piercing. I bet I stood there for 15 minutes, spewing words that I don't even remember! But I could tell he was trying to continuously engage me and Sue in conversation with him. I admit, I fell victim to his little ruse for a while, but then a light switch went off in my head. I didn't have to stand there. Granted, at the moment I knew no one else in this huge room that I could go chat up, but I made the excuse I wanted another drink. So off I went to the drink bar in a daze but glad I found the guts to walk away and leave him standing there with Sue. I took the long way around the room, trying to kill time, getting out of his sight. I had to stay in the room because H would be back in shortly, I couldn't disappear. I got to the drink bar, waited in line, and then finally got my Cosmo. Yeah, I needed that! I scouted out the room and saw no signs of xAP. Sue was still in the same place talking with someone else. I was kinda stuck or felt that way. I didn't know which direction to head off into. I feared running into xAP. So I approached a football player who was standing nearby. Game on Bandk! It was strange, little ol' me next to this hulking big guy! But I had fun talking to him about the upcoming season and I relaxed a little. I looked away and saw H entering the room with a few of the other board members. Saved! He stopped and talked to someone, so I decided to head his direction. Yeah, you guessed it, xAP appears at my side as I'm making my way through the crowd. Ugh! He put his hand on my arm and said it was so nice to see me and I looked incredible. Oh geez. My knees were getting mushy and my heart was starting to race. Why oh why does he do this to me. Anyway, I told him thank you and I hoped he was having a good time. I tried to walk away and he reached out again and held my arm. I looked at him and said I have to catch up with H, seating for dinner was about to begin. I was being very polite, not sarcastic at all. Xap then said, "please email me sometime, I'd like to catch up with you". I just smiled, said no words and managed my getaway! Whew! I downed that Cosmo on the walk to H. Thankfully, H didn't see me talking to xAP. He doesn't know his face, but might remember xAP's name if it came up. We were seated at our tables. As board members H and I were seated at a table that faced out into the ballroom. And yes, xAP managed to sit at a table directly in front of ours. Planned or not, who knows. He was sitting with other media members, so maybe he had to sit there, dunno. Dinner was sooo slow! I was thankful a very nice older woman was sitting next to me, she was more than happy to share her alumni and football stories with me. So at least I was looking in her direction throughout most of the dinner, even though H was on the other side of me. Dinner ended and the band began playing dance music, so I was so happy to get out on the dance floor and relieve some energy. It felt good for the first time all evening to just let loose. And that killer dress was awesome!! It was made to dance in. I knew xAP was watching. He cannot dance, he just jumps up and down. I'm not kidding. I saw Sue force him to the dance floor and he just stood in one spot and jumped up and down like he was jumping a jump rope. Hilarious. I'm sure she is still laughing. H and I danced all evening and I had a great time letting loose. I grabbed a cutie pie football player and had a dance with him. I bet he was embarrassed, but who cares, heck we're on the board, ha ha! At this point, I was finally having fun. I got past the initial fear of seeing and talking to xAP. It didn't go exactly as I had planned, my game plan did get sideswiped a bit, but all in all I thought I pulled it off with dignity. As H and I left the ballroom, a few guests were still lingering behind. xAP was huddled at a table talking with other men. I ran into Sue again outside and we exchanged our goodbyes. She then said her photographer was taking pictures all evening and was certain there would be a good one of me and maybe it would make the next newsletter. Ha !!!!! She laughed and winked at me. She doesn't know about the affair. But she does know our story in college. Smart woman, that college education served her well. Karma? Maybe, maybe not.
I know that if a flattering picture of me is published, it would serve to continue the drama. I really do not want that. xAP had his ego validated, he got what he wanted and a "look at me". I don't have to do that, I don't have a need for that. I walked out of that ballroom and right back into my real life. I felt a sense of accomplishment that I got through the night with my head held high, I presented myself with grace and manners, just like my mama taught me!

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WOW!
Been waitin for this update!
Yea---yah! What …What! Go Bandk, Go Bandk!
You made the evening about you and socializing with others and not about xAP. Good stuff!
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Yep those go with the kil-lar dress and of course the CFM is for your DH and says, “It’s just you and your hand tonight” to xAP!
Most important you enjoyed yourself and the evening with your DH! I’m sure you are relieved and have spent most of the time afterwards feeling good about how you handled things and did not let old reminiscent re-runs of xAP play in your head. Other than the rerun of his big ole ego and questioning how he managed to fit his head through the door of the event?
At least you know what to expect from him and are not flattered in the least by it. I’m sure there was a time when the dark sun glasses were blocking out the sun light that you would have thought it so touching that he wanted to make sure you got the news letter. This far out you can see it for what it is. His needs to have his ego stroked.
Whether you think you can or you think you can't you are probably right. A parrot can repeat what it has learned but the mark of true intelligence is applying what is learned.
First, I have to apologize again for the length of that post, er uh novel ! I had no idea it was that long.
xAP's ego was in full play for the event. He knew my H and I would be there. And he knew my H would be in the meeting, leaving me alone. He pulled the newsletter stunt. I don't accept for 1 minute that he wanted that picture and story in the newsletter solely for his alumni friends to see how far he has gone in his career. Alum's our age don't have a heavy readership of the newsletter - straight from the editor herself! He wanted to impress me and stick it in my face. My H is very successful and xAP repeatedly throughout our affair tried to find ways to "be better" than H. Very obvious, he was so transparent. Still is. So yeah E1, how the heck did he get through the door with a head that big, haha!! In the past his ego has caused him some major trouble and has also served him well. Guess he's happy with himself - whatever! JAE = just another ego.
Now that it's all over with, I have the confidence in myself that I can deal with xAP's presence and his games. I think my shining moment of truth was when instead of replying to him when he asked me to email him, I just smiled and turned away. Oh how sweet that felt. And very empowering.Newbies, I know it's tough and you think you might never get to that point. But let me say, yes you will. In time, with clarity and recognizing the affair for what it was, you most certainly will.
liberty - no DDay, thank goodness.
I'm proud of you, Bandk. I think the anxiety attached to the anticipation of this event far outweighed the actual event itself, so once there, you were more than ready to get this overwith. You handled yourself with grace and dignity and probably took dimwit's breath away with how hot you looked. ;-)
You know, they really are JAM and once we have the opportunity to see this up close and not so personal, it really does put the whole sordid past into perspective. That was then...this is now.
Love and hugs,
~Iddy~
So so proud of you Bandk. As far as I've come, I am in no way ready to be in the same place as xap. I admire your strength and resolve. When I grow up, I wanna be just like you.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iddy - exactly - that was then and now is now.
Funny, how later I felt like I had stepped outside the box and looked at the event differently than I thought I would. I guess I credit that with being NC for so long. Before the event, I was worried about running into him, what he would say, what I would say. I have to admit I was determined to look my very best that night - and I did. I put a lot of effort and money in my appearance that night, but I'm glad I did. True to his quirky nature, xAP did not follow the event dress code and just wore a business suit with the ugliest shirt and tie I've ever seen him in. Iddy, he was JAM that night. After I got past the initial greetings with him, got through the dinner, it was not until I was having a blast on the dance floor that I knew I was ok. I made a point of looking around the room and saying to myself look at all these other men in here. What made me think xAP was better than these other men? The room was chock full of fine upstanding men, all JAM themselves.
BandK.
So freaking awesome. Good for you in every way!
Proud of you and so glad you wrote that novel! ;)
If you were to go back in time and talk to pre-event BandK, what would you tell her? That she worried too much or what? A lot of us are going to be pre-event and could use the insight!
Love to you, Super Woman.
Dee
Hey there Dee !
Ah, pre-event ;-) Well, I didn't dwell on it, but it was in the back of my mind. I knew well enough in advance that I had time to shop for that killer dress, which was oh so important. But other than slightly obsessing over that, I didn't freak out and worry constantly. But I did take time here and there to try and visualize what might happen and how I should act. And I thought about the impression my actions and behavior would leave on xAP. I wanted to be cool, reserved yet charming and mannerly. He knows I value true manners, so I didn't want to get upset about something he might say or not say and let it show. I also knew there was a chance nothing would happen. So, looking back I did prepare myself mentally. I knew if I didn't, I might return home over analyzing something he said or did. Like Iddy said, he was just another man that night. I was in that frame of mind, but I'll admit my knees did get all shaky and my heart started racing when he walked up to me. But somehow my resolve to be dignified and charming just took over - thank goodness. I had had enough BS and roller coaster rides with him, that I didn't want any drama. Later, after H and were back at our hotel, I did think about it. But I didn't try to pick it apart. I felt relieved it was over and proud that I took the high road.
To those who might have to face something like this, my advice would be think about it, prepare yourself mentally, picture what you want to project and don't let your emotions rule you. Protect yourself by doing as I did and know in advance you will take the high road. If you have to speak, then say as little as possible, but be cordial. Remember, don't give your xAP the pleasure of seeing you squirm!
BankK! Did you do the patented Judith Martin/Miss Manners "weak smile"? As such: raise the corners of the mouth without moving the center part of the lips, which remain closed. The smile does not reach the eyes and rest of is expressionless - like stone.
Ohhhh, this cuts to the quick!!!! Loves it. But, then again, I'm sort of bitchy.
xoxoxox
Dee
Miss Manners does indeed know that smirky little smile. But for this event she felt is was a bit too biotchy !!
I love it Dee - you are on tonight girlfriend !!
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