To everyone who ended the affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
To everyone who ended the affair
6
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 9:42pm
You know I am new to the board and I have read some of the messages. I am truly sorry that I was not sensitive to the women who had the courage to end the affairs. I came here looking for support but I forgot that I am not the only one who needs it. I envy you ladies who did it!! I really do. I want to add that I really, really, really want to end it and I work everyday on ignoring my MM. I am a single mom and I try to focus on my kids and more important things. I tell myself daily I don't need this. Reading your post really opens my eyes and helps me see that I am not alone. The "Ending the affair" message was correct. How must you feel that you have won the battle and then we come to this site and wine about our MM. We talk of one last night and we ask your advise on something you have put an end to. I only ask that your patient with some of these women because we do want to end things. I don't want to go to the other site because that will encourage me to keep the affair going. I want to be here and find out how I can end it. I will continue to post but I will be aware of others feelings. The world is not about me and once I learn that I will be able to put an end to my selfish affair.

Peace,

Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 11-03-2004 - 10:01pm
Me

As far as I am concerned all are welcome here who want to get there life back on track to a better future then a affair can ever hope to offer.

And yes sometimes your going to get a loving but firm kick in the shorts when I or others think you need it, so hust bare in mind it NEVER EVER comes from malice or impatience.

People do have to remember that other people can really be stuggling on some days and they can't hack someone romancing up there affair because it just makes it to easy to backslide down that mountian they are climbing.

So I say WELCOME to you, and if Lovesec reads this She is welcome as well.

FREE to be me again always.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 8:16am

"How must you feel that you have won the battle and then we come to this site and wine about our MM. We talk of one last night and we ask your advise on something you have put an end to. "


Having been the MM, as well as having dealt with all of my xOWs of 17 years, I feel it is my responsibility to come here and help by giving support and reflecting what my journey was like in the hope of preventing others from remaining in affairs as long as I did.


I do so in the hope that hearing from someone who has succeeded will provide enough impetus for those who are feeling low or discouraged.


I do so in the hope that others will not spend 17 years in affairs avoiding facing real emotional issues buried in momentary relief of an affair.


I do so because there is another way of life: out in the open, no secrets, no lying, no deceit, no stolen time from our children..........


It's my way of giving back to those who stood with me and helped me recover.


I wish you success at ending your affair and stepping completely into an open, above-board life.......


Your male cl,


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 11:44am
I must say I also have had some posters give me a kick in the behind, and as much as it hurt at first, I also understand their point.

I never posted on any Internet message board before. When I first posted, I was in the wrong section and someone came down really harsh on me. The person accused me that I was seeking this A and that if I have such a great H at home, why did I have an A? Ouch!

Yes, these comments sometimes hurt, but I needed to tell someone about what I have been going through. So, eventually this same person who told me these harsh words also gave me some advice. She/he told to to post my story on the Ending An Affair board. Which I did. She/he also told me to buy this book called "This Affair is Over". Which I did.

I can't say my story is the saddest one on this board, because I had an AB, but yes, I went through a heck of a lot since my A started. Maybe I had/have problems in my marriage that I didn't see at first and that's why I got into this mess.

I was also blind for not using protection with xMM, which got me pregnant. Not to mention, what if I could have caught a disease, which thank' God I didn't.

I am going through a mental breakdown as well. I lost 5lbs., haven't been intimate with my H in weeks, I can barely concentrate at work, I STOPPED smiling, when I walk in the street my head hangs down to the floor, and yes there are times when I wish I could still see xMM, or I wish he would call me, but it's all this confusion that I am going through.

Affairs really mess people's lives up. It did mine!

I am trying hard to get back on track. I started counseling, although I don't know how much it will help me.

I try to do the things I used to do before my A, like my modeling hobby, my dance classes, etc.

The hardest and toughest challenge right now is getting back the happy marriage I once had. I have a wonderful H at home, who loves me to death and I wanna be able to fall in love with him all over again and be happy.

I do read the posts other people have and I even made a friend, who went through the same situation as me, i.e. got pregnant by her lover.

Thanks for listening,

Sadgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 1:12pm
Sadgirl let me say your name does not reflect your story. Your story sounds strong. You are strong. Everyday you wake up and don't have the A you are strong. I only wish I had the strength you have. I don't think your head should be down, infact I think you should hold it high. I don't want to come off like a hallmark card or anything like that. I just hate to hear how bad you feel. My heart hurts for you. I wish I could give you a hug. You are so very strong for moving on. I only hope on day I can be as "Sad/Strong" as you are.


My prayers are with you,

Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 2:30pm
Thanks for the encouraging words. I wish I was strong, but I am not. I am VERY weak right now and in a VERY fragile state of mind. I am gonna be honest, that yes, since my break up with xMM I did try to call him many times. Mainly because I told him about my pregnancy. He sounded concerned. We had days of NC, but that broke, when he called me on Tuesday of this week and left me this message, which sucked me right back into things. At first I didn't answer his call, but of course I got weak and I called him back. Went to vm, I left him a message. He didn't call back.

It is like a drug. You know it's bad for you, but you keep going back to the drug dealer for more. That's what I am going through right now.

Yesterday I called xMM again. He claims he didn't get my vm. And stupid me, as much as I don't want to be with him anymore, one side of me still wants him like crazy. So, I told him I had the day off today. He is also off from work. I took this day off a few weeks ago, before our break up, to be with him. Now, here I am no longer with xMM, and have this day off.

I hate him with a passion! I hate him for the way he treated me, the way he pressured me into this A, the way he treats me even after the A. The way he has no problem moving on with his life, while my life is falling apart.

He said he still wants to be friends with me, he still wants to talk to me and hang out once in a while. Sometimes I wish we could still be friend, but I know that's impossible. He makes it sound so easy. Even after our break up, we talked on the phone and he still let me down. I constantly get pushed around by him and yet I don't wake up. I need someone to just kick me in the a**, so that I can finally wake up and realize what this man is doing to me. It's so hard. I am trying and yet I always find myself falling back into the trap.

I don't want to lose my H either. He sees me falling apart and yet he doesn't know the real reason why I am so sad and depressed all the time. He is a wonderful and loving husband.

I wish I never met xMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 11-04-2004 - 4:57pm
Sad

You need to get the point that your nothing more then a booty call to this guy you were never anything else and you will be, there never was a friendship and I am sorry to have to disagree with you dear but your not in love with him, real love does not happen that quickly, that INSTANT CONNECTION is not about love at all it is more that he was able to push some button in you were you have a need or issue that needs to be fixed or addressed.

Now he wants to be friends ya right, what he wants is to be able to call you when he wants to use you as a penis holster and that is all he wants, friend my A$$.

Sad it's not him you want it's what you were getting from the affair, you were getting some emotional hole you YOU plugged up for short periods but it comes with a huge price and it does not last.

Your marriage is a a huge risk so I suggest that you get back to that IC and let her do her job, she knows what her job is so let her do it.

JMHO

Free