ExOM playing martyr

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
ExOM playing martyr
2
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 8:10am

I ended it a few weeks ago. I do not miss him, and I regret having an affair. (It was almost 3 months long.) He keeps sending me IMs and emails about how hurt he is, how I must wish I never involved myself with him, how he has never found a "real" friend, blah blah blah. I asked him to please respect my decision to stop living a double life, and to stop the emails. I consider him a selfish person to continue doing this. He is merely trying to get me to respond to him. Stupidly, I have, to try to explain my position again and again, but I am DONE. I will not respond to him at all anymore. I am trying to move forward. Has anyone else had this problem? Its time for me to regain control of my decision by not responding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 3:14pm
I've been posting about this very issue lately! I ended it 12 days ago today, after a 2 year A. On the one hand I feel psychotic that I could just end something so significant just like that!, but on the other hand, it seems the best way to handle it. Yes, my OMM is still sending me text messages (got one last night, in fact) and I only broke NC once, as you did, to further explain my decision.

I feel guilty for putting him thru this pain and I hate to see anyone suffer - that's MY issue to own and deal with. But OMM has sent me gifts and text messages since we broke up and a good friend told me that he was being manipulative. He figured that I would feel obligated to thank him for the gifts or respond to his pathetic sounding text messages and that would give him an opportunity to plead his case once more.

There was something so deep, almost spiritual, in our relationship. I'm not sure even myself why I suddenly felt such conviction to end this A and still feel so resolute that I'm doing the "right thing." I guess his bad feelings are HIS to deal with and maybe there's something here for both of us to learn. Based upon my experience, I'd have to respond to your post just by saying that his grief is his, and he must learn to handle it by himself. Please do not allow him to be distracted by attempts to have you back as a "band-aid" for HIS feelings. Best of luck to you!

mo 7-18-10

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 4:46pm
Thank you for understanding my situation,