Expectations of Marriage
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|Wed, 04-23-2003 - 7:11pm|
Especially interesting were these comments:
Do people just fall out of love?
Some people believe that they need to divorce their spouses because they've fallen out of love. First of all, people don't just fall out of love. If love dwindles, it's because the marriage wasn't a priority. The number-one cause for the breakdown in marriages in our country is that people don't spend enough time together. They take their spouse and their marriage for granted. Work, kids and other obligations become more important than spending time together. When this happens, during the little time people do spend together, they end up fighting. This distance and alienation sometimes fool people into thinking they've fallen out of love.
Second, love isn't just a feeling. It's a decision. Happily married people understand that if they engage in activities that bring love into the marriage, they will feel loving. There is no major mystery here. You both decide on a daily basis whether you're going to spend time together regularly or do your own thing, forgive each other or hold grudges, accept each other's weaknesses or point fingers of blame, apologize when in error or smugly stand your ground, be generous and giving or put your own needs first.
Of course, we're all human and our ability to be loving and kind to each other ebbs and flows, as do our feelings for our partners. However, wise people don't allow negative feelings or the absence of loving feelings to make them question their commitment to their spouses. They just understand that they're going through a rough time and that soon, they will decide to do what it takes to evoke feelings of love again, in themselves and in their spouses.