Ah, Puddin' Pie! I don't want to laugh, but I have to a lil' bit! Why? because BTDT! It's alright if you're faking NC right now. Really. It's only been a week. You're still all topsy turvy. I'm just thankful that you don't have a fisher X. whew!! I didn't either; and, boy, was I miffed about it! ha! But, I was a lucky, lucky woman. Eventually my dumba$$ clued in and I began to see that I was not faking NC, I was thriving in it. I am holding out hope that you will too. Just keep having these truth-baring soul-searching sessions where you confront your thoughts and actions head on so that you don't stay in the fog, and (God forbid) backslide. The very fact that you came here to post that you feel like you're faking it is a step in the right direction. You know what you have to do. Eventually your head will catch up to your heart. Trust your better instincts and keep plodding along.
I echo every sentiment Dee shared. I wouldn't expect you to be in any other place emotionally, than you are right now. Gosh, that first week of NC was absolutely awful. I didn't get out of bed except to get my kids off to school, and then I would crawl back in. My day consisted of crying, eating, crying, not eating, crying, posting & reading here and crying.
Then, something amazing started to happen. I started to GET A GRIP, ... I was sick of the pity party I was having for myself. I started to look around at the amazing life I had right there in front of me, and decided to start living it. It was painfully difficult at first. My life was in ruins, but I wasn't going to hide from it any longer. I found strength and courage hiding inside me. Oh, and then I got angry! That anger fueled me. I became so determined. I felt so proud of myself, that no matter how tough a day of NC was, there were NO NEW HURTS to heal because I did not break NC. I realized I was my biggest stumbling block to a happy life. I had posters here to keep me on the straight and narrow. I BELIEVED in this board. I believed in the wisdom here. In my gut, I just knew what the vets & tweeners were saying was true. I released myself totally over to the wisdom here.
You are doing all the right things, but you are not a time-shifter. It will take TIME. The great thing is you have realized very early that time alone will not heal, so you are getting busy getting other things in place to give that whole 'time' thing some support.
Yes - it does get so so much better.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it." — Maya Angelou
Thanks, TU; your response reminded me that I hadn't been repeating my mantra enough (NC = NNH), which in turn reminded me that NC is a gift, not a punishment.
Fake it till you make it baby. We've all BTDT. There are many many stages of NC. This is one of them- I felt that way too- I felt that NC was "teaching" my xap a lesson. Then I quickly learned that NC was healing me... really healing me and I became a true believer in it's power. Don't beat yourself up about this- this is natural... and it will pass.
OMG... your post echoes every thought and feeling I am having. Thank you for posting. I too were/are (borderline) in the "in hopes" stage. But I think that my lil plan will prove to me that what I did see him as is not what is. He is OBVIOUSLY not giving a "sh*t". But.. The more I am away the more I want to stay away. As for thinking of ways to contact him. I have humiliated myself too many times and I am done with that as well. I am starting to think I am in NC for real now. I guess I always wanted this but I didnt see it. Thanks again for posting. Here's to new beginnings. :-)
I am one day behind you. If it is any comfort, I am in the same boat. Your post could've been written by me. I am in the " I wonder" phase. Wonder if he will believe me this time, wonder if he will call, wonder if he meant it when he said, "if i get a d. in the next 6 weeks, will I reconsider "us", wonder why he hasn't contacted me, wonder why he didn't love me like I loved him, wonder when I am going to stop boring even myself with all the wonders.
Stick with it. I know exactly what you mean. I keep thinking, is this a game I am playing? I have to get on here to make myself believe, it's not.
I know exactly what you mean. I went NC for 1 month but all the time I was hoping he would contact me. He didn't. Let me warn you, I was feeling real good week 3 but for some reason this week I felt like I went backwards. I broke NC Wed. and sent a "just wanted to say hi" message. He didn't respond. Today I sent a text. He use to say he loved my sense of humor. He also said people told him he looked like Waldo(I don't see it). So I sent a text that said "Where's Waldo?" but then I told him I am giving up. I would really like an explanation but I have to accept I am not going to get it. He always called me his boo so I ended it with "I guess I am now your boo who?"
So what did breaking NC do for me? Nothing. All it did was create more questions. Is he getting my texts, is he reading them, does he not care that I am hurting this way.
Yes I am still in the stage that I hope he will contact me. But I think I finally see there is no point of ever contacting him again. Try not to hope to much that he will make contact. It just leads to disappointment.
I know I need to work on my self esteem because it is at rock bottom. It is easier to wonder about him than wonder why I would still want to be with someone who has treated me this way. I think that is what we all have to work on.
I hope it gets easier for you. And hope you won't give in like I have done this week.
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Ah, Puddin' Pie! I don't want to laugh, but I have to a lil' bit! Why? because BTDT! It's alright if you're faking NC right now. Really. It's only been a week. You're still all topsy turvy. I'm just thankful that you don't have a fisher X. whew!! I didn't either; and, boy, was I miffed about it! ha! But, I was a lucky, lucky woman. Eventually my dumba$$ clued in and I began to see that I was not faking NC, I was thriving in it. I am holding out hope that you will too. Just keep having these truth-baring soul-searching sessions where you confront your thoughts and actions head on so that you don't stay in the fog, and (God forbid) backslide. The very fact that you came here to post that you feel like you're faking it is a step in the right direction. You know what you have to do. Eventually your head will catch up to your heart. Trust your better instincts and keep plodding along.
Blessings and strength for you today!
Dee
jdv,
<
~Iddy~
Dear Jwad,
I echo every sentiment Dee shared. I wouldn't expect you to be in any other place emotionally, than you are right now. Gosh, that first week of NC was absolutely awful. I didn't get out of bed except to get my kids off to school, and then I would crawl back in. My day consisted of crying, eating, crying, not eating, crying, posting & reading here and crying.
Then, something amazing started to happen. I started to GET A GRIP, ... I was sick of the pity party I was having for myself. I started to look around at the amazing life I had right there in front of me, and decided to start living it. It was painfully difficult at first. My life was in ruins, but I wasn't going to hide from it any longer. I found strength and courage hiding inside me. Oh, and then I got angry! That anger fueled me. I became so determined. I felt so proud of myself, that no matter how tough a day of NC was, there were NO NEW HURTS to heal because I did not break NC. I realized I was my biggest stumbling block to a happy life. I had posters here to keep me on the straight and narrow. I BELIEVED in this board. I believed in the wisdom here. In my gut, I just knew what the vets & tweeners were saying was true. I released myself totally over to the wisdom here.
You are doing all the right things, but you are not a time-shifter. It will take TIME. The great thing is you have realized very early that time alone will not heal, so you are getting busy getting other things in place to give that whole 'time' thing some support.
Yes - it does get so so much better.
TU.
LC/NC since April 14, 2010
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
Thanks, Dee; your posts have been inspiring, and this one helped me to laugh at myself a little, too.
Somewhere in me, I do know this stuff, and I know my stronger, more rationale
Thanks, TU; your response reminded me that I hadn't been repeating my mantra enough (NC = NNH), which in turn reminded me that NC is a gift, not a punishment.
Fake it till you make it baby. We've all BTDT. There are many many stages of NC. This is one of them- I felt that way too- I felt that NC was "teaching" my xap a lesson. Then I quickly learned that NC was healing me... really healing me and I became a true believer in it's power. Don't beat yourself up about this- this is natural... and it will pass.
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
I am one day behind you. If it is any comfort, I am in the same boat. Your post could've been written by me. I am in the " I wonder" phase. Wonder if he will believe me this time, wonder if he will call, wonder if he meant it when he said, "if i get a d. in the next 6 weeks, will I reconsider "us", wonder why he hasn't contacted me, wonder why he didn't love me like I loved him, wonder when I am going to stop boring even myself with all the wonders.
Stick with it. I know exactly what you mean. I keep thinking, is this a game I am playing? I have to get on here to make myself believe, it's not.
I know exactly what you mean. I went NC for 1 month but all the time I was hoping he would contact me. He didn't. Let me warn you, I was feeling real good week 3 but for some reason this week I felt like I went backwards. I broke NC Wed. and sent a "just wanted to say hi" message. He didn't respond. Today I sent a text. He use to say he loved my sense of humor. He also said people told him he looked like Waldo(I don't see it). So I sent a text that said "Where's Waldo?"
but then I told him I am giving up. I would really like an explanation but I have to accept I am not going to get it. He always called me his boo so I ended it with "I guess I am now your boo who?"
So what did breaking NC do for me? Nothing. All it did was create more questions. Is he getting my texts, is he reading them, does he not care that I am hurting this way.
Yes I am still in the stage that I hope he will contact me. But I think I finally see there is no point of ever contacting him again.
Try not to hope to much that he will make contact. It just leads to disappointment.
I know I need to work on my self esteem because it is at rock bottom. It is easier to wonder about him than wonder why I would still want to be with someone who has treated me this way. I think that is what we all have to work on.
I hope it gets easier for you. And hope you won't give in like I have done this week.
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