Thanks for checking in. YOu know how we all worry. I am so proud of you. Our stories are similar in that it's all out in the open. Now it will be easier to hold yourself accountable. Everytime you think about reaching out to xap, you can think of your H and what he'd think. If you have to hide it from him, it's not right and you can't do it. That has kept me in check on many occassions throughout this journey. You are right- you made your bed and now you lie in it. You bunker down and weather the storm. You trust in the advice you have been given here. You keep coming back for support, and I promise that one day, you will wake up and this will all be behind you. You are lucky that your H is still by your side. That is true, unconditional love, and the high I've received from that cannot compare to the high of the A- why? Because it is never ending. Your H will love you for the rest of your life. You will never be second or third on his priority list. Experiencing the forgiveness of my H has helped me forgive myself and my xap. Harboring all of the guilt and regret is not good for you, but it will work itself out in it's own time. Keep moving forward, Hazel, and we will be here for when you think you can't take it anymore.
I am sorry to hear that you've been going through so much hurt - but no matter what, now you'll live a better life. My H knows all about my A, and even though we are separated because of it, I am grateful that the one person who I truly love in this world, knows ALL of me - the good, bad and really really ugly. HE is my best friend and I need him to know me - to know what I am struggling through. After all I am the mother of our children & always will be connected to him. He needs for me to be the healthiest person I can be - and works to support that. That is in the best interest of our children - whether we remain separated or not. Well - that was a bit off topic!
Anyway, what I wanted to say, is that I know things are really awful now. I know what those days are like. I have had a few of them myself lately. But I felt so much better when I had nothing left to hide. I still feel like, well whatever happens now happens. No more hiding. That pit in my stomach (line Jane described on her blog) well, it's easing up a bit. I can face anything that comes my way. Like you said, time to face the consequences.
I am not defined by my affair - it will be a chapter - and only one, in the book that is my life. The same goes for you Hazel.
Love to you & strength to hold tight for the rocky times to come,
I am not post hijacking, but TU, please copy and paste your above post and place it in your strength folder. It shows insight and wisdom and you will need to remember what you have learned the next time you feel down. Both you and Hazel are armed with the tools you need for healing and I know that you two will make it.
Hazel,
I'm so happy for you that it's all in the open now because I feel that the secrets are what destroy us the most.
Hi Hazel-
Thanks for checking in. YOu know how we all worry. I am so proud of you. Our stories are similar in that it's all out in the open. Now it will be easier to hold yourself accountable. Everytime you think about reaching out to xap, you can think of your H and what he'd think. If you have to hide it from him, it's not right and you can't do it. That has kept me in check on many occassions throughout this journey. You are right- you made your bed and now you lie in it. You bunker down and weather the storm. You trust in the advice you have been given here. You keep coming back for support, and I promise that one day, you will wake up and this will all be behind you. You are lucky that your H is still by your side. That is true, unconditional love, and the high I've received from that cannot compare to the high of the A- why? Because it is never ending. Your H will love you for the rest of your life. You will never be second or third on his priority list. Experiencing the forgiveness of my H has helped me forgive myself and my xap. Harboring all of the guilt and regret is not good for you, but it will work itself out in it's own time. Keep moving forward, Hazel, and we will be here for when you think you can't take it anymore.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Dear Hazel,
Welcome back (-:
I am sorry to hear that you've been going through so much hurt - but no matter what, now you'll live a better life. My H knows all about my A, and even though we are separated because of it, I am grateful that the one person who I truly love in this world, knows ALL of me - the good, bad and really really ugly. HE is my best friend and I need him to know me - to know what I am struggling through. After all I am the mother of our children & always will be connected to him. He needs for me to be the healthiest person I can be - and works to support that. That is in the best interest of our children - whether we remain separated or not. Well - that was a bit off topic!
Anyway, what I wanted to say, is that I know things are really awful now. I know what those days are like. I have had a few of them myself lately. But I felt so much better when I had nothing left to hide. I still feel like, well whatever happens now happens. No more hiding. That pit in my stomach (line Jane described on her blog) well, it's easing up a bit. I can face anything that comes my way. Like you said, time to face the consequences.
I am not defined by my affair - it will be a chapter - and only one, in the book that is my life. The same goes for you Hazel.
Love to you & strength to hold tight for the rocky times to come,
TU.
"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
I am not post hijacking, but TU, please copy and paste your above post and place it in your strength folder. It shows insight and wisdom and you will need to remember what you have learned the next time you feel down. Both you and Hazel are armed with the tools you need for healing and I know that you two will make it.
Hugs,
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
I'm so happy for you Hazel and
You have got to feel like a ton of bricks have been lifted off you.