fallen off , im ashamed

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
fallen off , im ashamed
13
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 7:20pm

hello all,

i been ding well in the last 10 days, last Friday, OW called and ask me to lunch , she said she wanted to talk, i thought i can handle it

anyways, we had lunch, and the worst happened, we had IC again

i dont feel anything anymore, after she left i was not sad, i did not cry or anything, i was not feeling anything, her words when she left was "thanks for the sex"

clearly i have fallen but i think i have not fallen back, she also told me she wants to have another kid, i did not say anything, she mentioned that it i can keep my emotions to myself that we can still see each other , she meant se, is this what i want, NO

maybe to her she just want a sexual affair but this is not what i want, i am clearly repsonsible for this also, i let my guard down

now i feel ashamed to all the folsk here on the board, i dont have any sad feelings this weekend, i was looking inward and waiting for me to ball over again, nothing, i was indifferent towards what happened, i did not call her nor email her this weekend, i have no more desire to do so

im not sure what to do .... :)

i felt bad that i let my self down again and i felt like i let everyone in this board down, but i can tell that there is realy improvement in my demeanor, im not sad or clingy anymore, i was affraid that all my emotions towards OW will come back again, they did not

i felt numb, i just had sex with OW and i dont feel that connected to her anymore

max

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 7:30pm
(((((((((((Max))))))))))))) Please don't be ashamed. First of all no one is perfect at this. If we were, this board wouldn't fill a need. Secondly, its like a diet --you may fail some days, but you get back up and keep trying the rest of the week if you can. My heart is aching tonight..and reading your post helped me. It reminded me that I am only human also.. that I need to allow myself to be sad again. (For the 99th time) I was so set on this being "over" once and for all..that I pushed sadness away and tried to be bitter and mad..and now the sadness is there. I can't ignore it. I'll let myself feel it and be ok tomorrow. And you will be ok tomorrow too. Mostly I am mad at your OW for being so cold. She wants sex definitely..and that bugs me that it's all she's wanting, yet she knows how you feel. Try not to accept anymore lunch dates with her- now that you know where it leads. You don't need to feel this way. You deserve a woman who wants you all the time..
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 7:31pm

Max, Beating yourself up is not going to solve nothing. You made a choice that you seem regretful for now. Learn from it. Let this help you in your journey of moving forward and leaving XOW out of your life. Anyway, Your too good for her. You deserve a woman that will give you an honest kind of love. She is out there, pick yourself up, bush yourself off and go out and find her!!!
It's a big beautiful world out there, get busy enjoying it!!!

TCOM

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2005
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 7:57pm

Max, reading your post almost made me spill my diet coke because my xmm tried the same thing. I was just lucky that I didn't see him in person or I may have had the exact same ending as you. We were talking on the phone and he started telling me seductive things about how much he wanted to be with me, how good it was. Talking about this time we were together or that time and then he said we could have sex when you are in this area. YOu could call me and we could meet and just have sex no conversation or anything.

I was getting all turned on while he seduced me on the phone but when he suggested that, I was mad. (We used to talk everday and had the ea as well as pa) I told him I wouldn't do that! I wouldn't have the sex without the emotional connection. Then he tries to tell me he was showing me what our relationship had turned into, and really didn't want that to happen. He was just showing me how much it needed to end. He then went on to talk about how guilty he felt and try and make himself into this great caring guy. At the end he was almost pathetic and I couldn't believe that I had just watched him go through his whole manipulative chest trying all of his tricks. I was shocked. I was amazed.

It made me hurt again and sad but I guess this is all I really was to him. The most pathetic part is that I keep wanting to think that somehow I meant something else to him either way I am moving on. I know you are too you have come such a long way. Just remember it is all a part of the process of learning growing and getting past this....You will still be strong. Keep moving ahead and now you know for sure what kind of woman she is and what she wants with you.




Edited 3/27/2005 9:01 pm ET ET by jstmekc
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 8:04pm

everyone,

i just thought it was a harmless lunch, i thought i will be ok going to lunch with her and that she wouldnot try anything at all, this is also my fault for i was not able to resist

we were doing ok at lunch and then after lunch is when it all fell apart, i actually dont feel anything which is actually what is bothering me so much, i dont have that feeling that we are back together again, she made a comment that we are back again, i did not say a thing at all

i think she is trying to get me back since i am doing much better now and that i dont talk to her anymore and was angry and upset at her, i am doing ok now, not even feeling sad or depress, i am able to sleep well now, i dont think about what happened last friday that much, i dont overanalyze it at all, worst thing is she told me that she wanted another kid and she know i want to have children, she is definitely playing me again and i let her

im not sure what to feel coz i dont feel a thing for her right now

thanks for all your thoughts and words of support,

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 9:08pm

Max

LEARN FROM THIS, you were prepared to walk away from her and she could not hack it so she tried to MESS with your head, Recall I told you your willingness to have nothing to do with and no FRIENDSHIP was going to bug her worst then being blasted...WHILE HERE YOU ARE...SHE IS A NARCESSIT...she will never alow you to walk away uless you grow the gongos to force it.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 9:21pm

FREE,

i realize it already, she is been trying to use all kinds of manipulative tactics on me like telling she wants to have another kid, obviously with me since she knows i want to have a kid

im not feeling anything about what happened lat friday, a friend told me im feeling apathy which is actually what im feeling now

i think its time to put on some heavy armour and get ready to dig in coz i think she is going to lay siege on me

i was doing ok, i truly felt that she was being just a "friend" going to lunch, now im sure we cannot be friends at all

time to grow some horns and a thick skin,
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 9:33pm

Max

Aperson with the sort of personality disorder that XOW has cannot be a FRIEND, they must control and manipulate, it's POWER POWER POWER because they feel so insecure inside.

It's has nothing to do with being strong or anyt of that stuff it is about making a real decision that your done with her period no if's ands or buts about it.

Right now your Numb maybe your even reaching INDIFFERENCE if your lucky.

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 9:51pm

FREE,

yes i am feeling numb right now, indifferent also, but im not mad, i think she used me and try to make me feel bad, she even had the nerve to tell me she is sorry for making me sad

im looking for another job also, btw, the date i had was wonderful , she is single, no kids, never been married, a good job and fun to talk too

thanks free, u always have good insights, me, im clueless most of the time,.
max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 03-27-2005 - 10:56pm

Max

Your anything but clueless, your to soft hearted for your own good if anything.

Glad to here you had fun hope you will be seeing more of this girl. ;o}

Free

Avatar for alice700
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2003
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 8:03pm
Max,
You are such a loveable individual. You put yourself down WAY too much. Please realize what a unique individual you are. Your comments have been very helpful to me.
hugs, Alic

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