Fantasy v. Reality-- for Lillie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Fantasy v. Reality-- for Lillie
11
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 5:19pm
Last week Lillie posted on another thread her fantasy vs. Reality list. It was very helpful so I'm copying Lillies post in to this thread and adding to it!

Fantasy: Available and open to me
Reality: Married to BS. He is BS's lying, cheating husband.
Fantasy: Valued and appreciated me for who I am as a person,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 8:07pm
Please feel free to add your own!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 8:29pm
fantasy - things will always stay as perfect as they appeared to be in the moments that we were together. forever and ever ...

reality - when i took an honest look at who I was, who I had become, and my behaviours, there was nothing 'perfect' about those moments. Things would change because they needed to, because I wanted them to, and because nothing stays the same, nor should they.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 9:10pm

I'm being lazy, but it was good to go back and read my original fantasy vs. reality post to remind myself of what really IS - thank you :) What is so amazing is that I wrote the "my feelings are all over the place" back then. I'm happy to say that they aren't any more. I'm still glad I'm here and I still will never compromise what I deserve ever again.

July 28, 2010

Fantasy: Single
Reality: Married

Fantasy: Kind, caring and selfless
Reality: Mean, cold and selfish

Fantasy: Healthy and nurturing
Reality: Unhealthy, toxic and controlling

Fantasy: Always there for me
Reality: Never there for me

Fantasy: Puts me first
Reality: Put me after family, work, golf...

Fantasy: Spends all his time with me
Reality: Squeezed me in, when it suited him

Fantasy: Tells the world about our relationship
Reality: Hidden in the darkness, no one knows

Fantasy: Good looking and fit
Reality: Looks old and tired, gained 40 lbs.

Fantasy: Treats me like a queen
Reality: Treated me horribly

Fantasy: Fulfilling intimate life
Reality: Sex on the floor, when it suited him

Fantasy: Wonderful communication
Reality: No communication

Fantasy: Makes me feel good about life and myself
Reality: Made me feel lower than I've ever felt

Fantasy: We live happily ever after
Reality: Everything I thought I had with XAP was a fantasy.

How I let myself be fooled for so long, I don't know. I guess I can survive a long time on crumbs. My feelings are all over the place, but I'm really glad I'm here. I'm not compromising what I want and deserve ever again.

Bodhi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 11:06pm

YAAAAAYYYYYYYY Chechi!

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 12:18am
Lillie! Yep finally did it. It was tough because I really want to think about the good times. Though there are quite a few less than the bad. It's hard to think that I put up with being treated ... I wont say badly (yet) ... I'll say unfairly and immaturely. I still don't think xAp meant to hurt me, I think he had genuine feelings for but was in over his head. But the truth is I should have ended it a long time ago. I was unhappy for so long. Yes, I moved heaven and earth to be with him, I'm sad at how many lies and arrangements I had to make to be with him. Yes, he called one morning of a hotel day to say "hey my check engine light came on this morning... I should get it looked at" ugh!! And yes, the 3rd year of our A after celebrating the two before he WOULD not say Happy Birthday. He knew when. And when I called him on it he admitted that he knew he was just avoiding saying it... Like it meant I love you or something! Ugh ugh!! Why did I keep doing this to myself you ask?

Fantasy- he was really good in bed.
Reality- he was really good in bed...

But it wasn't worth BS that came with it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 5:18pm

OH boy! I think I need to do this exercise myself!

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 5:52pm
Fantasy: Available
Reality:
Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 10-14-2010 - 9:55pm

Fantasy - that I could manage a double life without stealing time, energy, focus away from my beloved family.
Reality - they suffered the loss of my attention horribly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2009
Fri, 10-15-2010 - 12:00am

Holy Cr@p, Dee---you've got "Vet" written all over you. I am humbled by your scathing insight. Wow. Just wow.

Lillie

silence is eloquent, silence is dignified, silence is heard. ...
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Fri, 10-15-2010 - 12:21am
Holy cr@p is right!! Hurts a little bit to read.. But I can't wait to get there!!!

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