Fatal Attraction...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Fatal Attraction...
18
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 8:07pm

NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No New Hurts
Silence is Golden; Silence is Dignified; Silence speaks volumes.

Remember: Out of sight, out of mind.




Edited 7/1/2010 2:39 am ET by llostagain

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 10:27am

They could do so, they could sue you individually. But unlikely. Anyone can sue anyone at any time, you have to meet the standards of law, that is another story. How are sure it was them that went to your boss? That they were directly responsible. I mean hard core proof. And honestly, how they know you did what you did at work? Did you tell either one of them? and I also find it interesting that you still are dealing with them or they you after all this time. I mean after a while they have to move on. They just do. If you have been no contact ALL this time, why have they not just gone about their time. U say its revenge. This is a bit much for me to digest.

U keep getting caught in this and you feel the need to explain to us, that you have done nothing to deserve all this. Since your end, yeah you did nothing wrong. But you done a lot of wrong before then, as did I. Whether we knew or not that they were married does not matter. It does not make us any better. We cont'd after we knew. We are just like everyone else after we knew. We stayed.

And actually based on what you said in a previous post, you did do something wrong. HIPPA laws are very broad. U just looking at their info was wrong. You are luck to have just been fired. You could have been prosecuted federally depending on the info you reviewed. And you would have to prove that you did not use it in a malicious way. Very difficult thing to prove. And yes they could find a lawyer for a contigent fee. Lawyers do not like this and they have to prove damages and all this other stuff. Again, not likely. Case is shady at best. Do not make this your new thing to hold on to. Let it go Lost. I know it consumes you but you have to let this go. Whether they sue you or not u have no control over-none. If it comes to pass, you will deal with it.

U have to take all you documented instances of harassment to a office and ask for an order of protection, along with the screen shots from myspace etc. U have to call your phone company security and ask them what is the procedure they have for private calls and harassment. They normally will deliver phone records to a detective, these reveal private numbers. The phone companies need the supeona to release the records. They will not release them to an officer, not directly to you. That may give u your case for harassment and then you will likely get an order of protection. Which is just a piece of paper.

Lost, please hang in there and work on you and you only. Stop the obsessive thoughts. I really think had you changed your number you would be at peace about certain things. We can only do so much, you have to let this all go. U have been stubborn at times. WE all have. U are never going to get thru unless you cut the dang cord. Cut it.

I am hoping you have never called him private...that stirs this up. FYI-private calls can be traced by putting software on your phone. No info from phone company necessary. So be weary not to ever return one of his calls as private. He may know its you.

Luvin

Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
Luvin
Yo Soy EL Capitan de Mi Vida
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 2:16pm

Thanks, Luvin, for saying what I was thinking.

llost,

No matter the circumstances of this affair, no matter who did what to whom, the bottom line is that HE didn't get you fired, YOU got you fired when you violated HIPA. If you hadn't given him the ammo to fire the gun, he wouldn't have been able to. So, I find your lack of taking responsibility for this to be puzzling. I get that this guy is a d*ck. I get that he did you wrong. But you need to recognize AND own the wrong that you did to yourself by compromising your job, reputation, livelihood and possible future hiring because you thought it would be a good idea to break the law. You felt you were entitled to do so because you got yourself involved with a bad man. Well, you weren't. And quite honestly, the fact that you seem to be a bit flippant about it, that you aren't taking full and complete responsibility for it, that you think he's the one that got your fired instead of your own foolish actions makes me wonder if you SHOULD have a job in the medical field. Obviously, you don't take HIPA seriously. Or at least you didn't in this case. So who's to say there wouldn't be some other reason down the road where you thought it was perfectly ok to violate it again as long as you felt your reasons were justified? You're not looking at the big picture here, you're only looking at what he did.

As for your phone, I would have changed the number a long time ago. Why would you think that by doing so he would take revenge on you? Quite frankly, it seems like part of you secretly likes all the drama. Maybe not, but it sure looks that way from here. You've been posting the same things for awhile now, yet taking no action. If you seriously think that it's him that is harrassing you, then go to your phone company and tell them so. Or simply change your number and move on. As for the threats you said he made regarding cocaine planting, brake line cutting, it seems a bit Lifetime movie-ish to me. Tell the cops then if he's threatened your life, which saying you're going to cut someone's brake lines is. The fact that you don't suggests that you either don't really believe it yourself, or you're exaggerating it. Either way, take some action or stay stuck..it's really up to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 2:19pm

NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No New Hurts
Silence is Golden; Silence is Dignified; Silence speaks volumes.

Remember: Out of sight, out of mind.




Edited 7/1/2010 2:38 am ET by llostagain

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 2:25pm

NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No New Hurts
Silence is Golden; Silence is Dignified; Silence speaks volumes.

Remember: Out of sight, out of mind.




Edited 7/1/2010 2:38 am ET by llostagain

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 2:31pm


 NC since Dec. 9th 2009
No Contact = No New Hurts
Silence is Golden; Silence is Dignified; Silence speaks volumes.

Remember: Out of sight, out of mind.




Edited 7/1/2010 2:37 am ET by llostagain

NC since Dec. 9th 2009

No Contact = No N

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 5:59pm

Lost, I am sorry you feel this way. I am sure it wasn't anyone's intention to make you feel this way. Sometimes the tough love doled out on this board can seem harsh- like everyone is pointing the finger at you. I am very sorry you are going through all of this and believe that you have maintained no contact. I think the point is that because we entered into an A, we kind of did sign up for all of this drama, though yours seems to have taken it to a new level. Hang in there. No one is blaming you, only forcing you to look harder at yourself and make some changes. I hope you have a change of heart about the board.

Hugs,

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Wed, 06-30-2010 - 9:48pm

Dear Lost,

((hugs))

Now what I would like to suggest is this: I wonder if you can re-read those messages you found hurtful - but not filter the words through a harsh lens (or voice). Rather, can you change the tone of the messages in your head? Can you filter those words through a voice that sounds nothing but concerned? Can you play it through the voice of a very trusted & wise woman, who has been there and done that (which you have done) - so that there is no judgment and only concern? I say this, because there is some amazing suggestions that have been offered to you, but you're unable to hear them because you are feeling on the defensive. I don't blame you for that. Again, btdt. Sometimes when I read messages, I hear them in the most negative way possible - or worse, someone has read something I have written and assumed a tone and/or pacing that I wasn't intending. That's what sucks about these boards.

So - I hope you will take me up on this invitation. Try and change the tone you're hearing and maybe the message will be easier to hear.

Above all - we ALL want you to be safe Lost. You KNOW that. There is not one person here who isn't concerned about you.

The decision is yours - but I could bet that you need all the support you can get right now - going at it alone is not wise.

Take care & I look forward to hearing how you are managing,

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou




Edited 6/30/2010 10:06 pm ET by transcendingus
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2008
Thu, 07-01-2010 - 8:17am

Hi Lost,


I hope you will come back and let this board help you.

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