Feel blah....I miss

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Feel blah....I miss
12
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:40pm

Today is 5 days NC! I'm not sure if I should count Saturday-present b/c he is away and won't be back until Saturday.

I just feel blah!!

I miss him making me laugh and vice versa.
I miss my cell phone ringing.
I miss checking my email to find emails from him.
I miss seeing his truck parked outside in the parking lot (where we work).
I miss his voice.
I miss his cologne.
I miss him.

Blah!

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I just want to cry and I think I will....later.

SS

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:48pm

Hi, SS-

I just posted the same thing!

It's Day 5 for me, and it sucks.

I miss his voice.
I miss his kisses.

But I know I'm doing the right thing, and so are you.

We'll do this together!

Breathe

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 1:55pm

Day 9 for me! I shouldn't feed in to this but I will..

I miss his voice

BUT let me put a twist on this and say

I DON'T miss waiting for my cell to ring
I DON'T miss waiting for an email

This is very difficult i wish us all luck..

Hugs

Bria

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 5:48pm
You guys can do it.It will take courage and strength.I know, I've been there. It might take a year to be fully over him.I know that seems impossible at this point. Everyday it will become easier.But,if you get weak and give in and meet him, you will basically be starting all over again.I rebuilt my marriage,with the help of my wonderful husband and made it better and stronger than it was before.There was a time that I couldn't stand the sight of him.I am grateful for having a second chance with him.Be strong and don't give in. Good luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 6:54pm

Mellon2482-

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I felt so strong the last 4 days until today. I am so much better than I was a month ago. I would have "broke" by now. I just have to remind myself today more than yesterday...why it had to end.

It had to end because I am married to a wonderful person who doesn't deserve this betrayal.

It had to end because I have two small children who love and adore their father and wouldn't understand if he went away b/c of mommy.

It had to end because HE is married to a wonderful person who doesn't deserve this betrayal (regardless if there will be others after me or there already are).

It had to end because the feelings of sadness, guilt, anger far outweighed the "good" feelings during the whole A.

It had to end because I was slowly losing all sense of self.

It just had to end!!!!

I have to accept the days when my heart fills like it's coming up through my throat, the days when I just want to sleep and cry, sleep and cry, the days when I can't concentrate on anything else but this A and how it has affected my life. I so wish I could take it all back.

SS

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 7:28pm

Sunshine

i think your reasons are good ones. It is importanat to do that..remind ourselves why it was good to end! It is so easy to forget. But in the long run we will be better for it.

Remember the small successes.. i agree.. i never thought I could go this long and never have. Each day is a reason to celebrate!

Just keep reminding yourself..even when it it hard to believe them, keep reading and writign...

Hugs and strength

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 7:49pm

Capnmit-

Thank you and ditto!

Now...I am angry. What the bleep? How did I go from missing him to sad to angry in about 6 hours? LOL! I have to laugh at myself. Sometimes...I feel I am taking this way too seriously;but, then if I don't, that means I risked everything...for nothing.

I want to have final words from me to him or did I say everything on Friday when I left him in silence?

SS

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2003
Tue, 01-25-2005 - 10:35pm
Sunshine, You remind me of you. I had two children who deserved their Mom & Dad to remain together. They did not deserve to have a family to be disrupted by a "silly Mom", just as I was, who thought that there was a "better life".I had a year long affair, sorry to say.It took a year away from my daughters and my husband. There was no fun... Birthdays,Thanksgivings,Easters,Christmas and so on...That was all due to my own doings.I was "somewhere else"..Thank God, that I regained my senses. I would have lost the best thing in my life and some other woman would have gained my loss.My Husband is great..The other Guy, turned out to have affair after affair and 20 years later is still not happy with his wife, who by the way is as you say,is a "perfect wife". He contacted me about 3 years ago and wanted to meet with me. I told him that I had rebuilt my life and I have the best thing. I would have been such a fool. It took long enough to forget him and I didn't need him back in my life to screw it up again. This is not easy for me to re-hash this, but I am doing it to help you not to continue to make a mistake. Think with your heart.............
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2005
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 5:03am
I think that maintaining no contact will be better..... if you email him, it could start a cascade of emails back and forth. You know that he is going to have nothing to say to make things different, but they may break your resolve to end this affair. You let him know how you feel already. Read your first post again, the day you did it, and think of the relief and pride you felt in yourself making a clean break. Continue with that thought and avoid contacting him. He may use that or see it as a weakness, or chink in the armour, and try to manipulate it for his own ends. Keep up the no contact. JMHO.
Hugs
Kell
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 10:24am

Kelly...

It's too late. I responded to his email and like you said...it started a cascade of emails back and forth. It's so dang hard.

SS

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Fri, 01-28-2005 - 10:32am

At least I am not the only one..after 11 days of NC i text messaged " hi, how are you?". He replied back 2 minutes later. Then he called me on his way home from work. The conversation was friednly and conservative. I am glad we talked and didnt leave things so angry like we had but it is so hard!! I know it was a set back for me. I know I have to get on track.

Ditto that..It is so dang hard!

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