feel like garbage today

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2011
feel like garbage today
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 8:51am

That's it just total garbage, sigh i can't even be intimate with my h cuz I'm so hurt over this and I've been so attached to xap for so long. I'm trying in little ways with h hand holding, small gestures etc but i think its going to be a long time before i can consider doing the deed. For so long my devotion was to xap and him alone sex with h felt like cheating on xap. I'm a mess and can't even explain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2012
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 9:46am

Give it time and some more self-reflection.  You will slowly start to feel and grasp with your gut the twisted and destructive nature of your A.  You said you have felt that you were cheating on your xap by being intimate with H, we have all felt that, but think about it, your xap would gladly send you back to your H after having sex with you while he would anxiously go back to his wife.  How twisted is that ?  Would your H allow any other man to treat you like that ?  I would urge you not to worry too much about your feelings (or lack thereof) for your H. The fact that you WANT to work on your marriage is hope by itself that your feelings for H is not dead.   You need more time to detox from your addiction to xap and that will only come if you work hard to experiece "body and mind" NC. All the best.

Avatar for ratherbeme
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2010
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 7:18pm

It is sometimes a hard road back to where you started. We have fantasized why we felt justified in doing what we did and it is hard to come to terms with ourselves. The road back is harder for some than others.

If you continue to have problems relating, I suggest you seriously think about getting professional help from a therapist. It can help.

Many here are going through the same thing.  Time has a way of healing some of the problems as you see the light of reality and realize that your H is someone who you REALLY can count on.

Therapy and time.  Both work for you. 


We only miss what could have been. I know I don't miss what it really was.