Feel like I am going into battle

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2009
Feel like I am going into battle
4
Thu, 11-05-2009 - 4:37pm
I know that sounds dramatic, but even typing this makes me sick to my stomach. We are having a holiday get together with my H's family and my Ex AP (my husband's sister's husband (my brother in law) will be there. It was an EA with some physical. I have not talked to him or seen him for 3 months. I am doing much better and feel more positive than I ever thought I could. I am just scared,anxious etc. I am just going to avoid him as much as I possibly can and just act like none of this is affecting me. I wont give him the satisfaction and really want to take care of myself this weekend. And I hope that I won't hurt inside too much. But these are the consequences of what I chose to get into. This is truly the hardest thing I have ever been through and I did it to myself. That makes me so angry that this is the most devastating thing in my whole life because he is so not worth it. He would be the worst thing for me or for anybody. I am concerned about how he will act although I know that is not important. He is none of my business anymore but I am human and am really dreading being around him. Any advice or words or wisdom or just prayers. I know I will handle myself the way I want and should, I just am afraid it will open up the old wounds inside of me. There are still times I miss the way he made me feel, but that is all I miss. I dont miss him and all the painful side effects.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 11-06-2009 - 9:05am

Here's some advice:


1. Do NOT mope around him--you will subconsciously expect him to notice and then ask you about it...and when he doesn't you will be more crushed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Fri, 11-06-2009 - 10:58am

Classy~


Your name says it all dear!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2009
Mon, 11-09-2009 - 9:17pm
Dear Lynn and Vic, thank you so much for your advice and words of encouragement. I thought of you this weekend and even took my computer to reread in case I needed some support. Last friday right before I was leaving I got a call from my sister in law (my ex ap's wife and she told me she had missed her period but her pregnancy test was negative but she might be pregnant) again I felt like I was hit by a ton of bricks. Luckily I was on my way to see T and hearing that news was maybe a blessing. It was just another string to let go of the fantasy. I was so angry I felt like a fool. He has been flirty and making over me as his sister in law for 12 years. Then one day 8 months ago I was vulnerable and he told my husband she is coming home with me and we started communicating online, phone, text nonstop w/ an emotional/some physical affair after that. First thing he told me that night was his wife is so selfish,doesn't have sex with him, he does not love her and will leave her in 6 years when his daughter is 18. Well its going to be a little hard to do that if there is another baby on the way. He was giving me a big line. I am still furious about it. I feel so violated. I was nothing more than an ego boost to this predator. He is desperate for women to fall in love with him. I just wish he had not gone after someone in his own family. But I'm a big girl I was just so naive and trusting. When I saw him this weekend he tried to break the ice. I tried to walk a fine line between not giving him the time of day and not seeming bitter at all. I just kept busy talking to everyone else and not making eye contact. At one point my 4 year old son wanted me to lay down with him and exap came into the room and laid down with my 2 year old daughter. I got up and left the room. He must think I'm so stupid he never played with my children until after he started coming onto me. Now he is all over them. It makes me sick. He is using my children to try to get to me and to try to make him self look like a great guy. Before NC I would have bought into all of it. He wants everyone to think he is a great guy, that is his only motivation for seeming to be kind. My DH really is a good person no alterior motives. I think he got the hint because the next day he didn't say a word to anyone. What pisses me off is that I was still physically attracted to him and he affected me. I don't understand. I don't love,like,care, or respect him. So why can't I be indifferent to him. Please tell me one day that will come. If it doesn't let me know, I can live with it, it is just exhausting. And I will host thankgsgiving at my house with them, not looking forward to it. luckily they live about 250 miles away and after the holidays hopefully I wont have to see him until the spring or summer. It is so hard to spend what is supposed to be great family time with someone you despise and were addicted to more than anyone else in this world
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2009
Tue, 11-10-2009 - 5:02pm

You sound like you did a great job my dear....


It really SUCKS that this person will continue to have to be a part of your life, but it will get easier... and you hold the power of this situation now.


Sounds like you did a great job of making that very clear this past week-end.


Keep reading.. keep posting... we will be here to cheer you on!!!!


L