feel so rejected
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feel so rejected
| Thu, 10-14-2004 - 11:44am |
I feel as I read some of these posts that alot of you have the mm coming back to you. Well, in my case my mm has not and now more than ever he won't bc his wife unexpectedly got pregnant. She just found out last week. I felt that I was the one hanging on the last three weeks we talked. After I tried to break it off I called him back a week later and we began talking again only bc I called him. He called a couple of days later but then I waited and still no call and called him back three days after that. It was like he was telling me he wanted to still talk and felt the same but he was not really calling at all like he was before I tried to break it off with him. ( his actions were lousy but I kept holding on bc he told me to and said things to me to think otherwise). I called back after that three days later again upset and he called back that afternoon and that's when we had a good talk and discussed everything. I told him we couldnt do this anymore and he told me things to lure me back and said we needed to talk some more the next day. So when I didn't hear from him by 4:30 the next day - I called him and he was a jerk and I said lets not talk again. Well of course I called back a week later and he was really nice this time. He kept asking me things about my life and then told me he was thinking about me all weekend. I didn't cave and didn't say it back like I did last time and then I told him to take care and got off the phone with him. Well being weak again I called back three days later and he didn't want to talk to me and got off the phone with me and said he would call me back. Its been three weeks. I know he won't call me. ( he is that type that when its over its over and no turning back). When he was thinking of leaving his wife that's what he said about her so you know thats what he feels for me. I feel so rejected and felt like I was hanging on to something that wasn't there for him anymore eventhough he told me he felt the same way and he thinks about me all the time. Its the actions that say volumes, right. I am having a really hard time with feeling rejected and feeling like all of a sudden he just lost his feelings for me so fast. But how - he loved me and I could honestly tell that, but of course he loved his wife and children more. He told me two weeks prior to us ending things that he feels no guilt for doing this to his wife - he feels bad for me bc i am hurting from this. How can he just turn his back so quickly and I am in so much pain. Do you think he just got sick of me being so wishy washy about everything. Please help

He may contact you again in a long long time. My xMM went 3 months once. I believe he still has feelings for you. Don't feel rejected. The reason he isn't calling is because HE KNOWS HE WONT LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR YOU. so it isn't fair for you to hang on to get NOTHING. He is doing you a great favor. Actually, I can't do NC unless my XMM does it--when he does it then my pride makes me do it too. And this time I am so glad because for me contact got me NOWHERE again and the pain and suffering just goes on and on and on and it destroys your life.
Please don't feel rejected but worry about yourself because it will take a lot of work to get you back feeling good again.
While I was doing this, it was killing me. I thought my behavior was almost psychotic. How in the world do you go from loving someone and planning to spend your life with them to simply walking away and falling off the face of the earth????? Well, I did it because I firmly believed that ANY contact was going to make it impossible for BOTH of us to move forward. As so many posters here know, I felt awful about it and really, really wanted to have contact with him, even if just to thank him for the gift (its only good manners, right?) and let him know that I was doing okay, see how he was, how his daughter was, etc. But I knew that even the most limited contact would bring me right back to square one. It took all the strength I had, but I did it, and continue to do it. I never had any closure, which I admit bothers me sometimes, but I'm not sure what it would have accomplished, besides giving me one last opportunity to see him. Have never spoken to him again after that night. I've responded occasionally to a text message if there was some real reason to, but the majority of his attempts to contact me have been unsuccessful.
I understand that you feel rejected, and with good reason. But please consider that he may be doing this for the same reasons I did - I didn't want to waste anymore of my XMM's time, felt awful for all the damage I had caused, and just wanted him to get on with his life. I didn't want to leave any openings or give him an ounce of hope that maybe I'd change my mind. His last words to me were "You'll be back," and mine to him were "If its meant to be, it will be." In my heart, I knew it wasn't meant to be and it wasn't going to do either of us any good to be hanging out there in affair-limbo. I needed to address the issues in my marriage and start rebuilding. He needed to end his.
I hope this offers you some comfort. I've done my share of struggling and missing him and obsessing over him, but I haven't contacted him and I don't plan to. That wouldn't be any good for either of us. JMHO. Love, Mo.