Feelin' sad, depressed...
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| Mon, 01-25-2010 - 11:51pm |
Well, I'm proud to say that it's been since Jan 13th of absolute, solid NO CONTACT. I have not looked on his or her myspace page, and he has not called me blocked. I haven't heard a peep out of him.
It does feel better not checking up on their myspace page. I feel so much better not reading any of that stuff.
This past week seemed to go by so slow! It felt like a whole year of no contact. I'm very sad, and lonely. Very depressed. It's hard being up when everyone seems to be moving on in life but me. My friends are in relationships, gettin' married, having babies... I'm just 'stuck'. I feel like I took a step back durin my affair. I'm able to see it clearly now. How much time I wasted in someone that wasn't giving me what I needed. It was wasted time going absolutely no where. What a total waste.
This past Saturday, when I woke up, my thoughts went to xAP. And how he lied to me on our one year anniversary, he said he had to work (truth is he didn't have a job! Was staying home with her). Just the thought alone made my stomach hurl, and I had to run to the bathroom.
Argh. I don't miss him per se... I am better now then I was during my affair. I don't have anxiety attacks anymore (ya know..is he lying? is he where he says he is? etc..)... I feel more freedom.
But this sucks. Sorry for the ramble, just wanted to say hello to everyone!
Also to newbies to say: It hurts but NOT as bad as during the affair.
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."


Thank you and more hugs!
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry