feeling better

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
feeling better
5
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 12:50pm
Okay so I was on here griping about closure and how I just wanted to know that he didn't "use" me. The truth is we "used" each other but somewhere in all of that I fell for him. He emailed me yesterday and said that we have memories noone can take from us but that he is trying make his family work (he has a live-in g/f and a toddler son) and while he has no regrets about "us" he regrets all the pain he caused so many people. He also said that of course he thinks of me and that I was a fool for thinking that he wouldn't. We bth know we cannot have ANY sort of relationship or friendship and that it is for the best. It made me feel so much better. I miss him so much but I finally feel I can let him go. Does this make sense to anyone else? I mean I needed to know that I was NOT insignificant to him or that anything we shared was. I work with him but not directly and anytime he calls for a business purpose, my heart sinks. I miss him-when will it fade away???
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 1:22pm

It makes perfect sense..bitter/sweet!

You have to repect his decision and you can walk away with your dignity in tact but it doesnt make the loss any easier! Just remmember what he said and tuck it away and move on. Some of us only wish for a nice goodbye like that!

best wishes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 2:52pm

tormented,
I just had a twilight zone moment reading your post. I swear I can hear the dee dee de dee song in my head as I type. Anyways, your final act of closure and little "AHA" moment was pretty much just like mine. I wanted for so long to just find out if he had cared for me at all, and that he wasn't just using me to get his rocks off. And we had a little closure moment not unlike yours. (although pretty embarrassing on my end)
After much thought and obsession and tears it just popped into my head "Duh....you used him too!!!!" It always takes two to tango. And my need to know this or that was all just petty and self serving. I will never know what he truly thinks or wanted, and I'm fine with that now. I also came to the realization that we could not just be friends and I would just have to let it go for good to move on. It gets better with time. I wake up at night sometimes thinking about certain things we did and things that happened. I sometimes wonder when it will all fade away too. Just take one day at a time but hold strong to the way you feel now and just learn from this and move on.
I wish you all the luck in the world.
~hugs
~meg

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 12:27pm
I love reading your responses Meg. You are such a great person and you always give it real, painful as it is sometimes. Thanks! I am on the long road to recovery (yes this A is an addiction) and I am hoping to get back what I felt when I married my H. I have robbed my family of so much time and affection and I need to make some deposits to cover all my withdraws. Thanks for all the support ladies. Glad to know I am not the only one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 1:08am

he sounds like a man of his words, i hope most of the OW/OM/MM/MW are like him, now its up to you to honor his words, NC

the feelings and emotions you felt for each other are true, u are lucky in a way i think, at least u have closere, some of us are still looking for it

cherish the memories, it is part of who u are and hopefully u can use it to better your life and the lives of the people around u, in time that memory will just be a memory, u will never forget but u can always forgive, forgive yourself

thanks for sharing, they always say there every moment in time there is always someone thinking of u, i can be sure he is in his own way

one day u will meet someone who will be thinking of you all the time and that will the day we are all waiting for

i wanted to say something but i cant put it into words, god speed and take care of yourself

max

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2004
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 9:36am
Tormented,
AWWWWWWWW! Thanks sweety! I really needed that today too.
I spent the entirety of my A keeping it all to myself. I was so wrapped up in a world of illusions and b.s that when it all came crumbling down around me I was a flipping mess. As sad as I was and as much as I wanted to point my manicured finger at my XOM,I found this message board and it helped me tremendously. I was relieved to find out that there were so many other people going through the same thing as I had. I had felt so stupid and alone before that. But the things that always helped me the most were the responses from posters like Posie and Mefree. They were kind of like my message board "Dr. Phil's" I could either wallow in my own pile of poo or look at the real picture. I don't need fake friends to kiss my but and tell me it's gonna be alright. I needed someone to say "Hey there Missy, back the truck up cuz you are being a dumba*s!!!" And it helped. I could either stay stuck in this place of sadness and hurt or I could be the engineer of my own destiny in life. I'm still recovering.
Thanks again for your kind words. That was nice to read.
~hugs and kissies
~meg