Feeling better today

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Feeling better today
7
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 11:09am
I'm sure I'll have a relapse at some point, but I'm feeling pretty good today. OM actually broke NC and sent me a couple of e-mails. I read them, but did not respond. I'm realizing that our affair had less to do with my love for him, than an escape from my marriage that made me feel good, and was a lot of fun. Now, I need to work on my marriage or realise that it can't be saved and move on. In any case, I know that stopping the affair was the right thing to do, no matter how much it hurt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 12:55pm

Relapse is a choice. By YOU.


Do you really want the drama and grief of the affair? Then by all means choose relapse.


If you want a whole life, above board, without any more lies to make tiem for someone else in your life, then I think there is no way you can choose "relapse".


It's your choice.


Choose the life you want, step into it and live it.


I hope you don't choose relapse.


jmhmoo (Just My Humble Male Outspoken Opinion),


cl-nre

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 5:06pm
I am truly happy for you ! I felt a HUGE release of tension after I broke up with the OW. No more sneaking around, rearranging my schedule to be with her, no more worrying if she would give me that ultimatum ( which she should have a long time ago !) I feel more relaxed, but.......I still think about her all the time, and I have moments of sadness. I also worry about her; if she is OK, if she thinks about me, etc...I have to say this has been one of the hardest and dumbest things I have ever done....I hope you can get past this episode in your life and find happiness again...I think that in time, the answers will become clear...good luck...keep us posted...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 7:04pm
HI 123

The less you have to do OM more your thinking will clear up and your life decisions will get better.

You'll have your ups and downs like the rest of us but if you stay NC in 3-4 weeks it will get a lot easier.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 8:12pm
Thanks bwmoon!

Thanks also for your advice. I actually went to look at an apartment this afternoon. My H and I are going to try a trial separation. We're still going to counseling, and will go out on "dates". But, I need some space to see if I really miss him, and miss our life together. Or, if we're really just good friends, and I need something more.

I think it will be pretty lonely, and I'm sure it will be hard to keep NC with OM, but I'm determined. I want to make this decision with a clear head.

Wish me luck.

Avatar for shescomeundone2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 9:41pm
Ist,

i am glad that you are feeling better. It takes alot of guts to move out and do what you are doing.

Just curious as to what your therapist is suggesting when the two of you go to therapy...has the therapist helped/offered suggestions?

take care of yourself and your daughter during this stressful time.

Jazzdiva

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 10:39am
Glad to hear that you feel better..If you can think back on why you married your husband in the first place and what made you fall in love with him, then maybe you can start to reconnect. There must have been something that sparked an interest. Have you ever enjoyed a physical relationship with him ? Do you enjoy doing ANYTHING together, or do you tend to go your separate ways for entertainment ? I hope things work out for. Good luck !!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 11:26am
My H and I married young. I was only 18 when we met, and married at 24. He is a very good, and kind man, and an excellent father. But, I must admit that, although he is attractive, I've never really been sexually attracted to him. We've been so close on so many other levels and we never fight, and I know there was romantic love at one point. But, I think we've just been good friends for a long time. I don't know if that will be enough to keep our marriage together. Now that I have felt real passion in my A (which I had never felt before), I'm not sure I can settle for never feeling that again.

We're going to an intensive, 3 day relationship retreat this weekend. I'll let you all know how it goes. In regards to NC, OM broke it several times with e-mail, but I have not replied. So hard! He keeps saying how much he loves me and wants to marry me. But, this decision is too important, and I have too much invested in my marriage. I really want to make this decision with a clear head. Plus, I know that a real life with OM would probably never work out, and I would wind up alone.