Feeling Blue - Back in NC I guess

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Feeling Blue - Back in NC I guess
6
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 11:17am
I am feeling really down today, I didn't think would happen to me again. Seems like NC with MM again, this fall we had almost 10 weeks NC, I was just really starting to get over him, when he contacted me again. So like a fool, I went back to seeing him again. But I think things changed after that. I feel like he was really just using me and no longer felt like he was a friend.

It was stupid of me to go back, we have been seeing each other a few months now, and again I haven't heard from him since Dec 22nd. I know we both had Xmas vacation, but I'm sure he's back to work since last week, and still nothing?

I sent a couple of small messages (just "Hi"), but nothing. And I don't understand why he is on his user id anyways if he doesn't want to talk to me, he doesn't use that one for work, he said he only uses it to talk to me.

I don't know why I let myself into this situation again, because as much as I said to myself I would not get emotionally involved again, it seems like I am. I should just leave it alone and not try to contact him ever again, but that is so hard to do.

Dusty

xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 12:31pm
He's probably on his user ID because he wants to see whether or not you've contacted him, but he doesn't want to contact you. Well, it's not that he doesn't WANT to contact you, it's that he's avoiding the situation. If he can sit there, knowing you're thinking about him but doing nothing about it, he'll feel like he's not moving the affair along and that'll help his guilt.

My advice? Drop out of sight for a while. Don't contact him...see what happens. It'll be hard, but know that every day that goes by with NC with you is going to make him wonder what happened to you. "Doesn't she love me anymore?" That sort of thing. If he doesn't contact you after a while then you can decide what to do but first just leave him alone in his cave. Let him pout it out a while!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 2:33pm
Dusty, I'm so sorry girl. I've been reading your posts since late last week. I'm in a bad place myself, so don't really know what to say to you. Just so you know you are not alone...I was last with SG in November. This was after a long break since being together in May. I initiated the contact and he came right to me. It wasn't so great on his part. He has not initiated anything since. And basically has not initiated anything since we were first together in May (I just realized this a few weeks ago). He did send a short reply to 2 e-mails and answered his cell when I called twice since November. I ran into him on 12/19, I was so surprised to see him and he acted like it was no big deal. I called him a few days later and he was so nice, he said we would get together after the holidays and talk. He said he was going on vacation. Lie. He was seen in town several times. He has not responded to my last 2 e-mails I sent during the holidays and I think has changed his screen name. I have not seen him on-line since 12/20. I have made no contact in 2004. It hurts but I don't feel I have any other choice. Doing all the pursuing is making me feel so cheap. It's got to stop sometime. Let's do it together okay, C
Avatar for mikkolover
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 3:43pm
I think our OM/MMs are all sharing a brain. I know that I feel that I have been the only one persuing things the passed month. The times he happened to be online, was once in dec, he had to go. And the one time we could chat with text messages his phone's battery was empty.. always followed with next time, or i will email soon. HE HASNT EMAILED SINCE SEPT 15, about 2 weeks after we met, with all that fire and chemistry that followed me back to my home and H 1000 miles away. Then the occational, miss you. Just because text messages, but NEVER a call, NEVER an email, and me sounding so desperate calling, he is of course so happy to hear from me, always follows with at text message, thanks for calling... yeah, dumb me, why doesn't he just call first.

Is it that he doesn' t want to? DOesn't want to feel guilty, i dunno. We persued eachother intensely for a few weeks, and promised to see eachother soon, then i think i got to be too clingy and he had his mom being sick and it just fizzled. Just wore itself out. Just recently i sent him a letter explaining that its best not to have contact till i come to his town, ( with H) in March. No response, and yesterday lost, it texted, him. Hey did you get the letter??

later got, yeah got it sat. was plannning on phoning you tomorrow. How are things with you. nite nite..

so today late i wrote, just got home, busy day, talk to you soon okay!!

NOTHING!!!!!! I will be going for more NC thats for sure. I was doing so good to. Was up to 2 weeks then think of that day, and read through the old emails and get all weeepy, thinking where could it have gone wrong, and i text him.. lame o me i know.. lots of help we all need. thanks guys

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 5:19pm
UPDATE - so he finally contacted me today. Says he's had the flu real bad since his vacation and has been going home from work early. So I talked to him, but didn't commit to getting together again yet. I'm pretty confused about just what to do. For now, maybe I'll talk to him but not suggest getting together, wait til he mentions it and see how I feel. On the one hand, I think maybe I should end it. Or tell him I think we should. And see how he reacts. He just doesn't seem to have alot of respect for my feelings. After all, I know he was there at least part-time last week. He could at least sent a small message saying he was sick. And I looked at emails from this time last year, he did the exact same thing!! I didn't hear from him for a few weeks, then he told me he'd been ill, and what did I do?? Went running back just like that. Alot of self respect I have for myself huh? Well, thanks for listening,

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 7:58pm

So if you have the benefit of being able to re-read xMM's reasons for NC from a year ago and it's the same lame line this year, my question to you is why do you continue to value yourself so low A YEAR LATER

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 10:25pm
you love this guy & you're lonely & you're going through severe withdrawal. I know why it's so easy to backslide -- I did it about 30 times before I found my way to freedom.

But you know as well as I do that emails are first then talking then meeting then lunch then well you know. Every little step leads right smack back into the affair.

The only way to stop it is to stop it.

Good luck. I know how hard it is -- it took me a year to really pull out and end it for good and all. I'm almost a year free & I can tell you the absolute truth -- my life has never been better than it is right now.

The affair is a velvet prison -- it smells good & looks pretty but it's still a prison and you're trapped & addicted to it.

Life is out there -- go and find it. Dont' waste anymore time hurting like this. You can be happy.

You deserve a real life & real happiness.