Feeling confused..help me out here

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Feeling confused..help me out here
15
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 5:55pm
I posted a while back in regards to trying to end my email correspondance with a MM. It wasn't one of those situations where this man is a stranger. I have known him my entire adult life. I never believed in "love at first sight", however, since the first time I saw him (I was married back then-not now), I have had this unexplainable attraction to him that I can't seem to shake. I made the mistake of contacting him a few years ago via email and that was it....we have played with each other (guess you call that playing it safe) ever since. He have had lunch together a few times but have always managed to keep our boundries in sight. We make a point to never discuss feelings and always have kept it light hearted. He never shared what he thought about me and I never asked perhaps out of fear of his answer. Maybe because it made it easier to keep it within the boundries. However, it is evident that everytime I have tried NC (without success I might add) he didn't want me to go away.

I am mainly a lurker on these boards so I can read and learn from the pain everyone is experiencing. I was at one time the wife who was betrayed, so I know that pain as well. Having been through that, I thump myself on the head knowing I have no right to feel anything for this man....just can't help it. I also am a firm believer that "feeling are just feeling. It is how we act or react to those feeling that ultimately matters".

I am single and not dating anyone and haven't for quite some time so I understand the theories on these boards about this filling a big fat whole in life. It has been so much fun and I really longed for each day when we would correspond.

We were joking one day about a particular dress style and going to lunch and I would wear that dress. I said I don't own a dress like that one. He said go buy one and I will pay for it. This is where it gets wierd. I had this fleeting moment of sheer joy. This man I am so crazy about wanted to buy me this dress and he wanted have lunch with me again. Remember, this is the man who has always been clear on where the line is.

I toyed with him about the dress, then made it clear that I might have lunch but he could never buy me that dress.

I already know that I was toast have been too emotionally attached to what ever it is called that we were doing. It seemed his longing for correspondance with me became more frequent over time and after the dress incident, I wonder if he was experiencing the same thing.

Last week on the 17th, I sent him one final email stating all that is true which included of the following not word for word.

1) I actually said I am crazy about him

2) I had no right contacting him 2.5 yrs ago.

3) We have taken this as far as it can go

4) I can't do this anymore...it's just too frustrating.

5) Please don't be angry with me

6) Thank you for all the fun.

7) He was my hero.

As I have mentioned, I have tried NC in the past but it didn't work because we always avoided sharing feeling and what was really going here. Nobody wants to admit what the are doing is wrong. I figured that if I tried a new approach, he would run. So far haven't heard a word.

OK everyone...tell me what I want to hear. lol

He understand, I didn't crush him and will have withdrawls also.

Please don't think I am clueless because a physical affair never happened. I now know the anticipation of being with someone you long for is very unforgiving also.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 5:55pm


SLAP, thats for breaking NC.

XMM most likely does not want to go through another ending again there not fun for most men any more then they are for women, do the right thing and block his mail and get back on track for both your sakes, remember you decided to take the high road for a reason.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 9:29pm
Be thankful he did not reply, cause if he had you'd may very well be right back at square one again. And I'm sure that's somewhere you'd rather not be. Your here getting support from this board cause you want the affair finished, right???

Being strong is a very tought thing to do, especially in a situation like an affair. But you will make it, I KNOW IT!!!!

I believe men have a hard time with a break up and all the other issues that comes with an affair. And I do think men just handle things, thoughts, and feelings different than women.

Hang in there, and stay strong.

TCOM :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 10:12pm
*Whomp/Slap*.....ouch ouch! Ok I had it coming. lol Thanks...made me laugh after a really crappy day. Back to the high road for me. Just can't seem to quit wondering what is going the his head.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 11:32pm


He's a MAN so not much. (just kidding Guys) :-)

Free

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:11am
Clarice, I also can't really do NC with xMM. I try to stay away but then he gets nervous. Yesterday, for instance, the time I would normally have contacted him and gone to see him came and went without me calling (I've been mostly not calling for two weeks now...). So ten minutes later, he shows up in my office with something he'd been given to hand out. I'm not stupid. I know he held the item for around that time to bring to me. So how do you get past the addiction when you have to deal with the substance you're addicted to being plopped right down in front of you every day?

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